To stop her swimming lessons

[Bambalina]

Background: one daughter, just 3, I am SAHP and likely to be for the foreseeable. I always said that I would start swimming lessons for her when she was able to follow verbal instructions, which now she is. Before now, I was taking her to the pool once a week pretty much every week, which she LOVES, is superconfident walking round the pool up to her chin, climbing out on the side, jumping in holding one hand, splashing, kicking, hanging out on floats, goes off and plays by herself (within reason!). We hang out afterwards at the poolside tables with recharge snacks, and we watch the swimmers doing laps "blowing bubbles the whole way" "look, on her back" etc etc.
DD goes to one parent-run ece where we have been for a year, one playgroup she has been at for about 2 years, and approaches most play opportunities or groups of children with confidence and interest - she may hang back in new situations or people for about 10 minutes but then easily joins in. I have no concerns about her socialising or going off to nursery.

I phoned the swimschool a few weeks to book her in for lessons next term, and they told me there was two spaces in the current class and did we want to join those and get started right away, which we did.
She HATES it. She can and has previously done all of what is asked, but screams and cries and doesn't want to join in. We've been to 3 sessions so far and its been the same each week. I've tried just letting her hang out with no pressure at first, then gentle encouragement, and then making her do it today (in the hope of once she sees she can do it, she will be happier doing the kicking/floating/pouring water on her own head). The sessions are very cruisy and gentle, lots of songs and splashing, and the instructor seems lovely. She knows at least 2 of the other 5 children there from ECE already too. And when I talk to her afterwards about it, she doesn't allude to any distress or dislike, in fact I've said to her so many time "did you have fun today in your swimming lesson with instructors name" and she replies, consistently, "yes".
After today's lesson, we stayed in the pool for about another 40 minutes and she even practiced putting her face in the water, repeatedly. I dunked her to swim underwater even - as we had been watching the others do in class for the last 3 weeks - and she was really relaxed. I've realised a while back that it seems to take her a while to 'warm up' in the pool, and so I do try and get her in a good 15 mins or so before her lesson, I might try 40 mins before the lesson next week (but its a fine line between getting too tired too?)

Part of me is 'listening' to what she can't articulate - the way she behaves there is really unusual for her - and last week I was thinking about it and said to the instructor "I'm thinking maybe she doesn't like being told what to do" and felt one of the other mums looking at me funny as I realised just how pfb that sounded! Like she's gone to swim classes to not be told what to do? I was just trying to figure out what was going on for her though. I know she's not hungry, as she gets a snack before we leave the house, as well as a decent breakfast an hour or so earlier, and she usually sleeps well, so not tired.
I'm also wary of turning something she previously loved into something traumatic and developing negative associations with "lets go to the pool!" when I am well-placed to continue to take her regularly, and tbh sixty quid a term on a single income could be so much better spent if its yielding no actual benefit! And isn't it my role as a parent to listen to my child?

OTOH I don't know if she is actually going to pick up any water skills by the cruisy relaxed "lets do some jumping in" "we're getting out the pool now, unless you want to practice blowing bubbles in the water" stylee which I usually do. I never learnt to swim til I was 8, despite my mum - a swim teacher - taking me regularly, and it took much much later to get my face in the water now try and get me out of the water. I know that DD watches what other children do and practices afterwards, in her own time, and so that aspect of the class could be useful as long as we hang out in the pool for a while afterwards.

I suppose I am also asking for your stories of swimclass hell - did you stick it out and it get better, or did you shelve it for a later date?

I don't think it is 'the norm' in the uk to do swimming lessons very early.
Baby swimming lessons are a thing but I'm dubious whether this has any benefit to them swimming later so I'd only do it if you like it.

I started DD at 1:3 lessons aged 4 and DS a bit earlier as he had to come along with DD anyway. DD was fine at 4 and DS is fine now he's 4 but 3 was too early. He didn't learn anything and he was upset and cried sometimes which he never does now he's older. I don't see that it's worth paying just to mess about in water as you can do that yourself for free.

Young children are not built for swimming. Big heads, short limbs etc do not make the ideal anatomy for swimming technique. At that age it's all about water confidence which it sounds like she has in bucket loads. Keep up the weekly swimming with you and try lessons again when she's 5 or 6.

Swimming lessons are a huge con.

Drop them. And carry on with what you're doing. Spend the money on more post swimming chips

I don't know any young kids who do swimming lessons.. I would drop structured stuff until she's older, she's still so little and obviously loves just messing about with mum

The lessons at that age are about building water confidence, which she already has.

I currently take my 3yo to similar lessons but she had a fear of water and needed the gently gently approach. She doesn't participate completely, none of them do.

Following instructions will come in time, probably when she starts preschool. Once she is used to following an agenda you could restart lessons. By that age she would be going into lessons without you, which will help with the following instructions.

So I would stop. She's still tiny.

My DD2 hated her lessons but loved the pool. She'd cry and tell me she couldn't swim. We changed to a different group (at a different pool) but after a holiday where we'd played in the pool every day. She was fine for a few weeks .... then back to telling me she can't swim. No crying though. I have no clue what to do really as swimming every day in our own pool in the sun isn't possible with our lifestyle!
She has significantly improved her swimming and I do think going up a level would be a timely confidence boost. Unfortunately she tells the current teacher she can't do the one thing left on the list and won't. ... she does it every time she swims with family.

If you are taking her every week there is no need for swimming lessons. How do you think people learned to swim generations ago or in poorer countries? I taught all mine to swim and they in the past won inter school galas so mist have okish technique

She isn't doing anything in the lessons that she isn't doing with you anyway. I would stop the lessons for now and continue taking her yourself.
You are overthinking it definitely.
Why turn a positive experience into a negative? She doesn't like it, she isn't gaining anything from it, save your money and energy.
Try again in a year

I know a few swimming teachers. The consensus seems to be- yes take your toddler swimming, but actual lessons before 6 are pointless.

My 4 year old started going to swim lessons aged 3. He went to a privately run nation wide swim school and he loved it but we wanted (and he!) something that focused on skills. So we pulled him out and put him in council run swim lessons at our local leisure centre.
They start lessons aged 3 from pre-school 1-6 and they cannot start grade 1 until they are in full time education. It is fab! Really is! The focus is slowly building up confidence and skills needed to become an independent swimmer. I started my DS in pre-school 3 and he can go straight to grade 1 IF he hasn't finished the pre-school lessons but most good swim schools will only allow them to start in a swim class IF they have the prerequisites to enable them to go straight into grade 1 and even then, if it looking like their skill is far behind those in the class, could remain in the same class for some time.

I would start again when your little one is about 4. She enjoys swimming and at that age that is all that matters. But if you (and her) are serious about proper swimming lessons focusing on skill and aptitude, then I would speak to your local council run centre and have an assessment to see if a 'more able' class suits her. The private run, nationwide class my DS went to was from aged 2 up to aged 5! I knew that the skills between the children varied hugely and some would end up bored, which is what happened to my DS.

I disagree with lamcheeseman - swimming lessons before age 6 CAN be great for SOME children - my DD (now 6) has always loved her lessons and can already manage a pool length in crawl, breaststoke and backstroke and is learning butterfly. She loves diving to the bottom and doing somersaults in the water - she looks forward to her lessons every week.

HOWEVER, DS hated his lessons. He was miserable, I was miserable, and I was paying good money for us both to be miserable. I stopped the lessons.

He is now 4 and I have started lessons again, and he loves it now. He thrashes about completely ineffectively in his attempts to move anywhere and he thinks its brilliant. He's gaining conifdence all the time (if not any skills).

People can learn to swim at any age. Why bother with lessons now if it's not working for her at the moment?

Take her out she is hating it get her lessons when she is older take her to the pool for fun

I took my DS to some classes like yours when he was 4 and it was great. We then put him in a group without me in the water age 5 and he hated it. Instead we took him ourselves and then for a week of 1:1 lessons to get him to stage 2. We then tried group lessons again and he hated it so we left it a bit and booked some more 1:1 lessons. This time, first 2 lessons fine, then he refused to get in the water, crying, running away, couldn't explain why! He loves the pool, has always had loads of confidence but would not do the lessons with any amount of persuasion.

After that we decided to leave it a good while. We just took him ourselves and then just before Christmas started 1:1 lessons again. He is 9. He loves it and has come on in leaps and bounds. He can do 30m already. Which is further than one of his friends who has been doing group lessons for years.

If your DD hates it, have a break. Sounds like she is doing great. Try lessons again in a couple of years and take her yourself in the meantime.

You seem to be slightly negative about the fact that you didn't learn to swim until you were 8? Presumably you learnt to swim when you were ready? And you are obviously a keen swimmer now - so why worry about what age a child can do a length - surely the most important thing is that it's a positive experience?

TBH I think swimming lessons at this age are very over-rated. Most children will not be able to master the breathing techniques required to swim 'properly' until 6ish so up until then it is all about confidence and being able to float and doggy paddle is sufficient - any parent worth their salt can do that themselves.

Keep up what sounds like your brilliant work in letting her just have fun and try again when she is 5 or 6

I really don't get the point of the 'baby swim lessons' other than something to do? They are soexpensive, and i dont really see any advantage in doinf that way rather thsn starting at about 5?

I have started DD on swimming lessons now at age 4, largely because its such a hassle that I need to have already forked out the money as an incentive to go! And also I have DS now as well so would have to go with DH at the weekends and it just wasn't happening. But my DD isnt confident in the water at all, so is just learning that now and is progressing well. But given that you would never leave a child unattended in water before the age of about 8 anyway, then it doesn't really matter what age before this point they become confident in water does it?

Anyway, this is all moot for you OP as your daughter already sounds super confident. Ditch the lessons!

OK, I get the "doesn't like getting instructions" bit. I've something like that at home. Wonder where she got that from looking at myself in the mirror contemplatively .
Cancel the lessons, make no sense.

I trained as a swimming teacher for children 6 months and up in a hot country where everyone has pools. It was normal for children aged 2 or 3 to swim 25m, including mine. It wasn't a recognized stroke, more of a semi submerged dolphin kick, but it was essential for safety. All kids could swim and most did so on a daily basis. I can be done and it is in many countries.

Having said that, if your dd isn't enjoying lessons, don't do it. Swimming is all about confidence at that age and if she isn't happy, she won't be confident. Take time to enjoy the water with her, at her pace, and rethink it later.

I'd say drop them for now and maybe do some of the things they've been doing in class when you take her swimming. You could try 1:1 if you wanted.

DD is 6yo and has had 5 half hour group lessons at the end of Feb and has 4 half hour sessions this week. She's just got her 5m badge and should hopefully make 10m by tomorrow. She's old enough to follow the instructions, wants to learn and is storming away with swimming. It's never too late to learn and at 3yo, your DD has plenty of time.

Drop them. Sounds like way too much stress.

Take a break and try again another time with a different instructor.

I feel like I say this on lots of threads but here goes, they are all different. I have one who was a nightmare at swimming lessons, terrified of the water, wouldn't listen ended up having an intensive course after two years of lessons and at the end of the week could swim. I have one who started swimming lessons at 3 and could swim lengths, I mean 20 or 30 lengths, by the time he was four. My other two were in between.

I think it was probably all a waste of money as none of them goes swimming now except on holiday and I am sure splashing about at school lessons would have been sufficient.

If I'd known then what I know now, about swimming, music and dancing lessons, I would be a much richer woman.

Just take her and have some fun she will learn in her own time.

My dd is just 2. We started swimming lessons about 2 months ago but the reason I wanted to was because she wasn't confident in the water before. We didn't go that regularly but when we did she didn't seem to think much of it and would kind of just cling to me or my dh. Anyway I thought some lessons might help and more than anything it makes sure we do go every single week. She loves her lessons and her confidence has improved so much where she will now run around in the shallow pool herself and jump in etc all the things your dc is already doing!

What I'm trying to say is I didn't do lessons with my dd to teach her to swim at this point but just to be confident in water. And if your dd already is and she has fun in the water then it might be best to leave the lessons for now and try again when she's a bit older or when she has them at school. As long as you keep going regularly and have fun I'm pretty sure at that age that's the best thing for them!

I started parent and toddler lessons with my son in September when he was just 2. He hated it at first - he would scream and refuse to do what the teacher asked him, and only enjoyed the toy time at the end. The teacher kept persuading me to persevere, and others in the class told me their children had been like that to start with. I told myself we would give it until half term and see how it went, and then when it still wasn't going great I told myself we'd give it until Christmas. Then suddenly it seemed to click, and now he adores it. He joins in with all the songs, blows bubbles and kicks beautifully, swims underwater, the teacher uses him to demonstrate to the others what to do. It is the absolute highlight of his week and he is so excited when swimming day comes round each week. I'm planning to keep taking him to this class until he turns 3 in September and then he can move into the preschool class where he'll have to go in without me (which will be a whole other challenge!).

So just to say it may be a bit too early to tell - I would give it a few more weeks if I were you. One thing which has helped my son is that he is now tall enough to stand up in pretty much the whole pool, so I don't hold him for the songs etc now - he loves to be independent.

My ds didn't start swimming lessons until he was 5.5 (Easter term of reception). He is now 13 and still has lessons (more like coached sessions these days, post-gold level) and enjoys it, does the swimathon etc. It's not essential to start really young.