Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that actyally, why do mothers not get presents on the anniversaries of their births?

95 replies

HookedOnHooking · 30/03/2016 20:35

After all. It is us that does the labouring, Us that does the sweating, the bloody hard work, the pushing, the growing of the bloody human inside our bodies, the power, the splitting of our poor tender perineums, the entire bloody production!

Why do we not get any recognition every year?

So unfair.

OP posts:
FithColumnist · 31/03/2016 00:01

For the past few years I've texted my DM "Sorry the condom broke" on my birthday. She doesn't see the funny side.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 31/03/2016 00:50

My teenage self would have probably read this thread and yell, 'well I never asked to be bloody born did I?' Which I spent a great deal of time doing whenever I got the, 'you don't realise how hard work raising a child is and you should be grateful.'

mathanxiety · 31/03/2016 01:36

Seagreengirl Grin

My Russian friend told me this is what they do in Russia. The mother gets a big fuss made over her on the child's birthday and also on Mother's Day. You celebrate your Saint's day - the feast of the saint you were named after. Apparently this was the custom despite communism...

RustyBear · 31/03/2016 01:54

On DD's 21st birthday she sent me some beautiful roses with a card saying:
"I feel you deserve these as 21 years ago you were in a lot of pain and I wasn't making things any easier for you. Thank you for everything you've done for me, I love you and Daddy very much xxx

SoThatHappened · 31/03/2016 03:56

My mum forced me to come home on my 21st birthday when I wanted to go out with my friends at uni.

She said it is MY DAY, I am your mother and you get the hell home.

OP you sound as bad as my mother. Do you want congratulating nearly two decades later?

BirthdayBetty · 31/03/2016 04:32

For the past 30 years dm has gone on and on about her births (especially after a few g&t's), it's so dull Hmm

LarrytheCucumber · 31/03/2016 06:57

I have bought flowers once or twice on DGC's birthdays for that very reason.
This year I gave DDiL and DS a box of their favourite sweets on DGD's birthday and said 'Congratulations on x years of parenthood.' In a way I am with you OP, bit wouldn't do it every year.
Reminds me a bit of Leonard Hofstadter (Big Bang Theory). His mother wouldn't celebrate his birthday because expelling him from a birth canal was her achievement, not his.

LarrytheCucumber · 31/03/2016 06:59

Oops. Should have read the whole thread Blush

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes · 31/03/2016 07:09

No way, their birthday is about them, not me, I'd hate it if anyone started making a fuss over me on them.

pearlylum · 31/03/2016 07:33

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes- I agree, and I think the OP is wrong for making any demands.

However my OH brings me flowers every year and it's sweet. He makes no flourish, he brings them quietly into the kitchen and gives men them when no- one is around. The kids don't even notice the significance of a new vase of flowers- I quite often have flowers in my home anyway. I feel touched that my OH feels he wants to mark the day is such a way.

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes · 31/03/2016 07:38

That's nice Pearly, but I'm glad my DH doesn't do it, I really do feel that the DCs birthdays aren't about me.

pearlylum · 31/03/2016 07:46

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes - you are glad your OH doesn't buy you flowers- would you be annoyed if he did?

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes · 31/03/2016 07:50

Yes. The DCs birthdays aren't about me.

OddBoots · 31/03/2016 07:55

I hate a fuss on my own birthday, I love the fact DD's is a week after mine so I can divert attention to her. I dread to think how it would be if I got presents on the children's birthdays too - especially as I've given birth to three surrogate babies too!

YabuDabbaDoo · 31/03/2016 07:58

I don't think the DCs birthdays are about me at all. I take every opportunity of celebrating myself, but I draw the line at demanding annual recognition for giving birth.

Then again maybe 40+ years of hearing how my birth was for my Mum in great detail, and now annual public service announcements about her special day on Facebook, have skewed my perspective somewhat..

When my first was born one friend did bring me a little bag of nice toiletries saying "you are the one who really deserves spoiling" and that was lovely, I've paid that forward many times.

pearlylum · 31/03/2016 08:00

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes well you must be a tougher women than me. I can't find it in my heart to be annoyed with my OH when he does a loving act like give me flowers.

pukkapine · 31/03/2016 08:08

Pearlymum - same in this family. DH always quietly gives me flowers on the children's birthdays as a thank you for making him a dad and all I do for the family. It's lovely and I love that he does it. But it doesn't in any way detract from the child's birthday. Often they aren't even present. And I go overboard on special touches for their birthdays anyway Grin

ParisGellar · 31/03/2016 08:12

I gave my mum flowers on my birthday this year as id not too long ago had my son and realised the bloody torture she went through to have me!

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes · 31/03/2016 08:26

Pearly, luckily mine knows me well enough to know how to time his loving gestures so it simply isn't a problem.

TaraCarter · 31/03/2016 08:55

I had one of those mothers too. I was extremely Hmm when people tried to push me down that road after my own children.

Rodney and Delia (not real names), buying me presents on their birthdays and nothing for the children because "it's my day really" isn't actually appreciated.

RhodaBull · 31/03/2016 09:03

Ds and his brothers have been practically in therapy (well, actually his db was) regarding mil and their birthdays (as well as just about every other occasion).

Fil would make a big fuss of mil on one of their ds's birthdays, and it would be all about her, including blowing out candles and the birthday boy would have to thank her. Utterly bizarre. When bil passed the 11+ fil bought mil a piece of jewellery because it was really all her doing as it was her genes who'd enabled bil to pass. Luckily the school turned comprehensive by the time dh and his other brother came along so mil was done out of yet another knuckleduster!

pearlylum · 31/03/2016 09:06

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes I don't think there is ever a bad time for a loving gesture. I would hate it if my OH had to "time" his loving gestures in case I became annoyed with him.

BertrandRussell · 31/03/2016 09:09

"Yes. The DCs birthdays aren't about me."

And therein lies the problem. They should be! Grin

pearlylum · 31/03/2016 09:11

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes

Each to their own I guess. My OH gives me flowers and says something like " Thanks for making me a dad" - all done in private, we say nothing to anyone, and I quietly put the flowers in a vase on in the kitchen, No- one notices.

To be annoyed with my OH with that seems a little cold hearted.

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes · 31/03/2016 09:17

Well, we work on the principle of there being a time and place for everything Pearly. I can think of plenty of times that aren't right for a loving gesture personally.