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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's something wrong with DS.

52 replies

FindingSomeAnswers · 30/03/2016 18:11

DS is 7...

He will not talk to other children. He will happily chat away to adults - to the point they want him to shut up! School have tried everything, he has been assessed by a speech therapist, an educational psychologist, psychiatrist, they've all told me he is normal.

He isn't.

He refuses to talk to any other children/play with any other children - he has no friends and doesn't want any either.

Advice?

OP posts:
jellyrolly · 30/03/2016 18:58

Sorry, just saw in your opening post that you have seen a speech therapist!

LizKeen · 30/03/2016 19:04

Have you spoken to his GP or have all the referrals so far come from school?

From my limited experience, GP refers to hospital team for ASD type behaviours. School referrals would be more focused on academics rather than the social aspect of things. And as you say, they are seeing him alone. It still does seem pretty extreme for that many professionals to be ignoring it.

cheapskatemum · 30/03/2016 19:07

"He obviously had no issues with communication as he manages fine with adults"
Not really, if he talks at, or to them to the extent that they want him to stop. This is a feature of Aspergers Syndrome, the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. Have a read around this syndrome, OP, and see if any other traits apply to your DC3. You don't mention his father, is he still around and if so, what does he make of DC3?

You ask what will happen when he's older, 11, 12, 13 - secondary school age. He might find one or 2 like-minded souls that he can talk about/play chess with, or another interest he's developed by then.

GooseberryRoolz · 30/03/2016 19:08

Have you looked at the NAS website or similar?

Different isn't 'wrong' BTW Smile

GooseberryRoolz · 30/03/2016 19:11

What does he enjoy doing?

Fpmd1710 · 30/03/2016 19:12

Reading through everything you're saying, I wouldn't worry. He seems to be exceptionally clever to the point having a childlike conversation isn't stimulating him, but the fact that he still feels he can have a conversation with adults is good, at least he's talking to people it just sounds like he's not on the same wave-length of the other children, so he doesn't have the patience to waste his time on trying to talk to them.

jellyrolly · 30/03/2016 19:13

What the healthcare professionals will do is compare a child to a "normal" child of that age, i.e. would this be reasonable and achievable for a child of this age to do. If I was you, I would start making some notes of any behaviours that would not fit this criteria. So any responses to normal demands and situations, like the one you have mentioned - not answering a sibling or peer's question - would register as unusual. Or, for example, if you give him linked tasks to do like 'can you go upstairs, get a pair of trousers and bring them to the living room', see if he can do all those things or gets distracted etc. If you can build up a picture then it might be more likely to be investigated further. It would help to keep a note of times and dates etc. to give as much information as possible.

wannadancethenightaway · 30/03/2016 19:13

When did this start or has he always been like this?

Sunnyshores · 30/03/2016 19:38

You are the expert where you son is concerned, if you feel his behaviour is 'odd' or not typical of children his age, then you should go back to the GP and tell her/him again. It sounds as if school are on your side too, it seems very strange that the other professionals think there isnt a problem.

cheapskatemum · 30/03/2016 19:42

Except that, as other posters have pointed out, the professionals are adults and speak to him on a 1:1 basis and this is what he enjoys and is good at.

CocktailQueen · 30/03/2016 19:43

Hmm. If he can talk to adults, then he clearly can hold a conversation. Have you asked him why he doesn't talk to other children? What does he say?

And re talking - does he hold a normal conversation with give and take? Or does he talk at people? Does he do anything apart from play chess?

Plenty of very clever kids I know do talk to and form normal friendships with other children, so I don't think just being bright can explain it. Surely here are other clever dc in his class?

And this is a bit concerning:

He just looks at tiny details, but ones that people haven't pointed out to him and he'll specifically not look at the ones people want, so he struggles at school. He will be asked to colour in something, but he'll colour in the words, but not the picture.

Focusing on something not obvious can be a sign of ASD.

GooseberryRoolz · 30/03/2016 19:57

A diagnostic assessment would usually include classroom observation though cheapskate.

roundaboutthetown · 30/03/2016 19:57

Looking at the details and not seeing the bigger picture; talking at people and being insensitive to their lack of interest; and having difficulty/refusing to interact with children your age, even siblings... all sound concerning to me. Who organised the speech therapist, educational psychologist and psychiatrist? Was it done with the support/on the advice of the school? It seems extremely odd to me that a referral supported by evidence from both school and home, including a visit to observe the child in school and proper testing, would result in the conclusion that a child was "normal." They normally describe what they have observed, set out the results of tests (IQ and behavioural), and give advice on how to deal with the problem behaviours and areas of difficulty, even if they don't feel the behaviours are affecting the child's ability to function sufficiently to justify a diagnosis. The IQ profile can be quite interesting, as with children with developmental disorders it can be extremely spiky, with significant gaps between the highest and lowest scores.

amarmai · 30/03/2016 20:05

sounds like his age group is not as advanced as he is. Does he go to a chess group , maybe with older cc ?

roundaboutthetown · 30/03/2016 20:10

Ps just saying your child is clever is not helpful. If they have done all the tests they should have done, they ought to have a slightly better breakdown than just an overall IQ score and "normal" conclusion! How did he interpret pictures and facial expressions? How did he play with toys? What did he talk about? What is the difference between his verbal and performance IQ? What is his processing speed like? And his memory? What are his motor skills like? Is he hyper or hypo sensitive to anything other than his peers?!

MrsJayy · 30/03/2016 20:10

What kind of things does he talk to adults about ? Its strange the phsycologist said it was normal it cleary isnt even if he had 1 or 2 friends it wouldbe fine. My friends grandson is like this he doesnt really relate to other children at all says they are just silly but he has a couple of friends

roundaboutthetown · 30/03/2016 20:13

He might well just be very bright and quirky, but if his behaviour is causing problems, it is a waste of everyone's time if all you have been told is that your child is normal. There is no such thing as normal - we are all different.

pointythings · 30/03/2016 21:12

I do think high functioning forms of ASD need to be looked at here. It might be nothing, but if your DS has HFA, he deserves and needs help to make social interactions less stressful for him, and to support him in functioning in society as an adult later on. I have two friends with HFA - they are very different people, but the lack of response to social cues, the high intelligence and the unusual attention to particular details are things they have in common. Your DS needs to be referred to CAMHS for proper assessment - this will be a fight, services are very overstretched, but don't let them fob you off.

dangermouseisace · 30/03/2016 21:36

OP I agree…what you've described doesn't seem quite right. I worried my son was on the spectrum for years but at around 6/7 he started to have a small group of mates rather than just being completely uninterested in other children. He's happy to admit that he is, in his own words, a bit weird- he says that normal is boring and his friends are also pleasantly unusual. So…it could possibly be something similar with your son maybe time will balance things a bit. However, as other posters have said, colouring in the letters is a bit of a red flag. Have you tried talking to any of the autism helplines? As they might either be able to allay your fears, or signpost you in the right direction.

Cakescakescakes · 30/03/2016 22:11

This does sound like my ASD son. Although one day all his child peers will be adults too so I'm hanging on to that thought!!

CalacasSG · 30/03/2016 22:13

It doesn't seem right - push for answers. Definitely go to the GP, if you haven't already, I think they'll be more useful...

wannadancethenightaway · 30/03/2016 22:14

dangermouse your son seems to have worked out at an early age that accepting your quirks is the best thing to do. He sounds like a cool wee dude Smile

figureofspeech · 30/03/2016 22:35

He sounds like my ds who has hfa. I've found the knowledge of autism amongst health professionals & teachers a bit hit & miss. You need to badger them with knowledge, read up as much as you can and pester them.
The national autistic society has lots of free online resources and a phone helpline that you can call to get further advice.

www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asd.aspx

www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/world-autism-awareness-week.aspx

Expatmomma · 31/03/2016 05:37

My son also has High functioning autism.

He too loves talking at adults and educating them on his latest area of interest.

He also taught himself to play chess at the age of 5, I have no idea how Smile

In year 1 he would have either spend his break talking at the newly arrived boy who spoke no English or the teacher on playground duty.

He now attends a specialised school and receives support in social communication.

He now chats to his peers happily as they are all bright boys on the spectrum!

Trust your gut and push for more testing. It may he that is "just" very bright but it could be there is more to this. And as he moves through primary the differences will become more apparent.

saura · 31/03/2016 08:05

My husband recently got out his old report cards from primary school. They were full of comments about how he would always choose to talk to teachers over other pupils his own age. Year after year had the same thing how they had been trying to encourage friendships but at break times would always be chatting way to the member of staff on duty.

I can guarantee that this completely shocked me. He is the most social person I know. Throughout secondary he always had friends his own age and now has a big group.

He is very intelligent and came from a family of 4 like your own son.

I hope this can provide some comfort!

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