to not feel guilty for not lending the money?

[Timeforanamechangy]

I have a friend who I have known for many years, she's never been well off but the last few years she's been signed off with medical issues and hasn't been able to work.

As such she is quite short on money and will occasionally ask to borrow some from me. It has always small amounts and I didn't mind lending it to her as long as I got it back.

Things escalated recently and she started asking to borrow more and more, sometimes 2 requests a week, always smallish amounts but totalling about £300, which is not an insubstantial amount of money for me as I'm on a low income myself.

Her most recent reasons for asking have mostly been to do with her stepdad - he's got cancer, he doesn't have long left to live, he's been taken to hospital in etc etc and she's needed the money to get to the hospital and go and see him (she doesn't drive and I live 4hrs away from her).

I have lent her quite a lot now and am getting irritated by the fact she still has not paid me back anything out of the recent loans shes had, so when I got another message asking for £20 to buy back her tablet from a shop (cash converters type place), I was feeling less than willing to part with my money but I agreed on the provision that I couldn't lend her any more. She agreed and I tranferred the money to her account.

About 5 mintues later I got another message saying DSDad had been rushed to hospital again and could I lend her more to get there. At this point I had had enough and told her no. I got a slightly sarky response back along the lines of Ok, thanks anyway, I guess I'll have to walk then and it'll take me ages. She has messaged me again this afternoon saying that her DSDad has actually passed away.

Aibu to not feel guilty that I didn't lend her even more than I already had done? Obviously I'm very sorry for her loss but I had lent her money already that day and much more besides and as far as I'm concerned getting to the hospital should have been her priority. She asked me for more money only minutes later so its not possible she had already spent it. Or should I feel guilty that me not lending her the extra money meant she potentially didn't get to say goodbye to her stepdad? I'm not sure how I feel or how I should feel tbh.

[Timeforanamechangy]

Still £300 calzone.

Tbh I wouldn't be as annoyed if she just took no for an answer but she just keeps on and on trying to guilt me into saying yes after I've told her no and I can't afford it. She obviously just doesn't give a shit that I'm having financial difficulties, only cares about her self. Which she displayed perfectly clearly when she asked me (ages ago) to get out a loan, give her the money, then default on it and not repay it. I said no but I should have known then that she was just using me. I don't have many RL friends so I try to hold on to the ones I do have but this doesn't feel like much of a friendship anymore

[SouthWesterlyWinds]

That last update sounds familiar. Did you post about it last year? Hindsight is a fantastic thing and you're probably thinking that should have been the red flag.

[TheWitTank]

If she asks again I would bluntly say/text back 'please don't ask me for any more loans. I will not be lending money to anybody as I have none to spare'. Then don't reply to ANY messages regarding money. I highly doubt you will see the £300 again, but don't be afraid to ask. I would send a weekly text asking when you can expect the money as you need it urgently. I predict she will get the hump, cry that you are bullying her and use that as an excuse not to pay. She's a user.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

she asked me (ages ago) to get out a loan, give her the money, then default on it

Yes, I seem to recognise that too ... unless I'm mixing it up with another poster, of course. Was this also the "friend" who had some pretty creative ideas on how you could use your debit card to help her at ATMs and with shopping?

I'm afraid I feel that, whatever the friendship once was, you may have to accept you only exist as a possible source of cash to her now. Is there any chance you can force a reduction in contact until she gets some sense?

[MadSprocker]

I would block her number from your phone tbh, and ask her to stop harassing you. And block her from any social media. I had to do this after receiving nasty texts from someone I once saw as one of my best friends. It really was the best decision.

[IJustLostTheGame]

Bloody hell what a chancer.
Text: look I love you but I have no spare cash. I lent you, in total £300, and therefore I have no more. I have bills etc too. I'm really sorry about your step dad.

[Berthatydfil]

I remember a post last year from someone whose friend wanted her to take out a loan and then default. If it was you OP she's nothing but a user and you're well rid of her.
She's massively using you.
Please don't lend her any more money,

[balia]

I don't see why you should resign yourself to losing your £300 - tell her you've got an opportunity to work something out that would mean you can lend her some more money but you'll need as much of the original sum back ASAP.

Tell her you can't tell her too much about it - hint it is a bit dodgy if you need to. If she's as greedy as she sounds she'll jump at it. Maybe give her a receipt with the words 'clearing my debts to Time' and keep a copy, in case she tries to make out later she was loaning you money!

Then in a few weeks time, say it all fell through and was a scam. Or just block her and not talk to her again.

[Lweji]

Or tell her she can clean for you until she pays in kind what she owes you. :)

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

It's a happy thought, Balia, but I can't quite see her paying over anything, frankly

She might even ask OP to lend the money for her part in "the scam" on the understanding she'd get it back from the profits??!!

[SandrasAnnoyingFriend]

If she's asking for more money today then she clearly didn't have anything to pay you back with on Friday. It's not a 'bad time' she's just got no intention of paying a penny back. I reckon the suggestions she has a gabling issue are probably a good call.
Cut her off and mentally write off the money you lent, you're not going to see it again.

[Lweji]

Actually, I'd just write off her debt and have a huge rant at her, tell her exactly what I thought about her constant demands for money and tell her to stop contacting me.

[Hedgehogparty]

Not a friend at all. Think she sees you as a walking cash till.
Just a greedy sponger. I think you've seen the last of that £300 sadly.
Block her.

[LurkingHusband]

"Remember that time I was skint, and you lent me a fiver and I said I'd never forget it ?"

"Yes"

"I'm skint again."

[Blondeshavemorefun]

She is not a friend. She is someone who thinks you are a cash cow

Do you ever hear from her and not ask for money

Sadly you may not get it back but send a card saying condolences then week later ask for money back - if need be £50 a week

Tbh I doubt you will get the money

You can go down the ccj route. Send a letter. . Needs to reply within 7 days. I'd no payment you send another in which gives her 30 days and if after that nothing then you can start towards a ccj. Yes will cost you but you should get money back

If she asks for money say no. Be firm.

Sounds like she has a gambling habit but that is not your problem

[myusernamewastaken]

For the love of god...do not give this freeloading parasite any more of your hard earned money...x

[228agreenend]

You can't just turn up,to hospital, apart from A and E without an appoitment. She would have to see her gp,first to get a referral. well done on refusing her offer.

If you don't the money, then you can always go,through the small claims court to get it back. I think you need to send a letter to formally request it by xyz date, and send it by recorded delivery to,prove it was sent. If the date has passed, you can put in a claim. It's all done online. There is a charge, and that is added to the total she has to pay if you win. It's quite a straight forward process.

I agree with the others that she is probably addicted to something, whether drugs, gambling, donuts etc.

[228agreenend]

www.moneyclaim.gov.uk/web/mcol/welcome

The website

[LastGirlOnTheLeft]

I had a 'friend' like this.....a complete taker! She was unbelievably manipulative, and I spent sooooo much money on her, as she always came begging. But I worked for a charity and had hardly any money myself

[LastGirlOnTheLeft]

Oops, posted too soon. Anyway, so one day I decided I had had enough of this utter PEST, and changed my number and as far as she was concerned, vanished of the face of the earth

[LastGirlOnTheLeft]

Aargh.....I keep pressing that Siri thing and I post too early! Anyway..the long shot is, I ditched her and it was SUCHa relief to hear a text on my phone come through without dreading it! And also not to have to live with the shame and feelings of disgust that you allow yourself to be taken advantage of, by a LOSER!!!

Block her and delete her from your life!