Baby sitting

[Chianablue]

Every time I'm invited to a family meal or visit I always end up baby sitting SIL dc. Don't get me wrong they are lovely bright toddlers.

Its just I feel they are taken advantage of the fact I don't drink and assume I will watch the children, so they can go through bottles of wine.

I don't mind baby sitting when I have been asked to baby sit.
It's when they invite me to a family meal out and I'm the one having to help the children, take them to the loo, entertain them and watch them (oldest is a runner) it gets boring.

I've tried discussing it with Dp but that hasn't worked, ive also tried not doing the baby sitting role, but they just don't watch the children they'd rather have drinks and catch up with the adults while the runner is almost at the front door.

So am I being U thinking they are taking advantage?
It's got to the point I dont want to go out for family meals or visit the house.

And ofcourse if I start saying no to the invites it will cause issues. Mil and SIL always say you must visit the family because family are important. Which the family is. But why should I visit if I'm just treated like a baby sitter.

So aibu or are they being U??

Any party I go to, if you see a child ask a random adult something they need a parent for, they always say 'I'll just get your mum.' Always mum. Mum running about wiping arses, getting drinks, sorting dinner. Meanwhile, dad sits enjoying his beer in peace. Why do we do this to each other?

Not in my family! It's always ask your dad. And dads have to drive home as well so the mams get to . The woman do enough.

Chiana, I didn't mean to make you feel bad, it's just that everyone was insulting the Mum and not saying a word about where is the Father in all this. When my first question was ignored I thought there might have been more to it.

Op, I'm also trying hard to send others dc off to their dads - it's difficult though. The dads often look at me like wtf?. Needs a cultural shift I reckon.

Lucky you Sylvia - I've literally never come across that.

No worries buzzard, you didn't make me feel bad. I just never realised that I forgot fathers so much. Definitely have to work on that.

If I was your SIL or BIL I'd be getting fed up with you stepping in and implying maybe be your attitude that the children are not being looked after properly.

Or maybe they think you like doing it?

My sister is a bit over involved with my children and it grates on me -she gives out to them for things they are allowed to do etc. I tolerate a certain amount of low level misbehaviour from my DCs as otherwise life with be too much hard work. When they do misbehave properly and I go to intervene immediately my sister will often step in and start trying to discipline them.

I do think it's odd as well that you only look down on SIL's behaviour when there is two parents.

Earlyday I'd never dream of telling them off, I know that's definitely not my place.
I just end up running after the quick one before he escapes into carparks or onto main roads.
Or having them handed to me to entertain them when they are bored.
Yep didn't realise how much I ignore fathers, as I've said definitely need to work on that.

But the parents must be minding them when you're not there - or else they'd be escaping on to roads all the time and getting hurt or lost. Maybe they think you like minding them so they let you do it

This was me . I got fed up in the end and me my kids stop going .

They survive and look after their children if you aren't there so sit back and ignore to a certain extent

Agree two parents so if child dashing to door /wants a wee etc then ignore and see what parents do

Maybe they think you enjoy

Think you said you are preg? You won't be able to waddle after them soon or will have your own to think about

My mum used to do this at family stuff. She chose to not drink when we were young so there would be an assumption of C will mind the kids (us and my cousins) and C will put all of them to bed when they're tired. My aunt and uncle would get well stuck into the booze. I remember it being that way as I got older. Mum just says she couldn't just not do anything as they never looked up as assumed she would. Boundaries might have helped on both sides but I'd rather my mum than theirs, looking back. Get your drink on when you don't have kids to mind.

I have something similar with dsis. I've thought about it a lot: it's not that they expect it, rather that they just don't think/bother. And when its something we're doing with our kids, like making a snack, reading and cuddling at bedtime, taking them to the park or getting up earlier than we'd like to stop them waking other family members up, they get involved as we don't like to leave them out.

I often think that dniece has noticed, as often out of nowhere she will say that she hates my two dcs. And as I am usually in the room I can say that they haven't done anything. I think she may be jealous of the attention my dcs get from us.

Sorry, I he no advice, but I hear you.

Early and Sylvia make good points. My mother used to insist on chasing my DC2 when he was a toddler even though I knew exactly how far he'd go from me - never more than about 5 meters... She'd chase him when he was in a perfectly safe place and he'd get excited by the "game" and run further than he ever would if not chased, and in the end, as my mother can't run fast, I'd have to leave my baby with my 5 yo to chase him as she'd have created a previously non existent problem by chasing him far, far further than he would ever have gone without her puffing after him anxiously calling ... Then once I'd got him back she'd say "what a good job it is that I was there! I hate to think what would have happened!" but the whole charade wouldn't have happened if she hadn't have been there, as nobody would have f*ing chased him so he'd never have gone far enough away to get anywhere near anything remotely potentially dangerous.

Rant over :o Stop chasing other people's kids - if they aren't worried and don't chase them, and you are not usually with them, there is a reason they aren't worried and aren't chasing them! Some kids will run off of course, but a lot of "runners" aren't runners at all until you make it fun and (to them) safe to go beyond their parent's safe little orbit by chasing them!