DP Child AIBU to be angry

[whocaresanyway123]

My DP has a DD who is 22 and like all parents, she loves her very much and is very proud of her achievments (University Degree, top job etc etc). DD lives away and DP will visit her at weekends and have days out together or DD will visit and stay the weekend with us which is ok because she can relax and away from a busy city but we always do what she wants to do i.e shopping, stay in or days out. Yesterday me and DP decided to go out for the morning and maybe lunch maybe not, but see what happens. When she told DD our plans she said she just wanted to go into town, which is what they did and I went out on my own.
There is no compromising with my DP her DD comes first every time. AIBU to be angry and annoyed.

Do you think the situation is salvageable? Is it likely that your dp will listen to you if you were to voice concerns, even if you did it in a non-judgemental way as possible?

If you try and it just ends in a row, I'd get out. You are as entitled to be happy as the next person and you sound miserable.

I don't think your reaction is at all unreasonable. It would drive me batty, and I would have to have a serious conversation with DP as to why I was constantly ignored in favour of DD. A visit every few weeks - yes of course it's natural to go with DD's preferences. But every weekend? Every single time?

It doesn't make for a healthy relationship. Does your DP know how you feel? If not then you need to spell it out and maybe have a difficult conversation about how important you really are to her and what the future holds, if she thinks it's OK to sideline you like this all the time in favour of an independent adult who really ought to be leading her own life.

She's 22? Good god, she sounds like a big baby. She should be doing her own thin by now. No, YANBU.

Seriously though, doesn't she want to spend her time with her own friends. At 22 I wouldn't have been seen dead spending all my leisure time with my mum.

YANBU. It's nice to spend time with your DC, but to sideline your OH for your DC all the time, and disregard pre-arranged plans you both agreed on, is not on.

I second the conversation about how much you actually mean to your DP and how being sidelined all the time for her DD makes you feel. Co-dependency or not, when a person enters into a relationship, they need to put their DP first sometimes (unless there's an emergency with DC) otherwise it's not a relationship, it's just extra company.

I hope you work it out for the best either way.

Makes you wonder how they both coped while daughter was at uni, or did she come home to mummy every weekend as well? Daughter will never get any lasting friends of her own, if they are always acting like siamese twins.

If/when dd does decide she doesn't want to see your dp every weekend how would your dp react? Would she be upset or see it as an opportunity to spend more time with you

Do you both work full time?

If you do i'd say YANBU and need a serious chat.

But if you're both retired and you and your dp get 5 days per week to spend together v weekends with her DD then I'd say YABU but your DP could communicate more clearly.