To be annoyed with ex's comment regarding seeing DC during Easter holidays?

[OhGodNotAnotherUserName]

I am a single mum to a 4 yo DD, who started school last September. I work part time, 3 days a week.

My ex usually has her every other weekend (this coming weekend happens to be mine) and he also has her one night during the week. After he dropped DD off after this weekend at his, I reminded him it was the Easter holidays for the next two weeks and that because of work my DD will be staying with my parents in a town not too far from where we both live.

Prior to this 'reminder' I had mentioned the Easter holidays a while back, asking if he could contribute in some way to the childcare issue i.e. asking if he could take a few days off work - to which he said he had taken all his holiday entitlement off for this year (btw none of which has been used to spend time with our DD). Other than that he has made no input or suggestions into what we should do with DD whilst both of us are at work.

Anyway, when I reminded him about the holidays he got a bit huffy and made out that I was being really unfair that he cannot see DD for effectively a fortnight and generally sounded like it was all my fault. It's difficult to convey here how it came across but his general tone/body language was quite telling.

It really annoyed me but I managed to keep my cool as said that if he had any suggestions regarding the childcare arrangement then I look forward to hearing them.

It has started to annoy me more and more as these things are always left to me to sort out and then he has the brass neck to get all 'righteous' about his rights as father seeing his child when he has done fuck all to actually solve the situation. If he really wanted to see her for example he could pick her up from my parents on his way from work one day and drop her off in the morning if he was that desperate to see her.

The same sort of thing happened at Christmas, although he made zero effort to see her. He went away for the first week of the holidays to his home town, then for the second week was back at our town but wanted to spend the next week (which he had off) celebrating Christmas with his new girlfriend, and DD didn't get a look in.

I've decided this is further evidence that he is a twat.

AIBU?

Yanbu. Presumably he could pop over and see dd at your parents? If he is not that involved now, it's unlikely to improve.

Yes, he could pop by my parents to see her. I'm sure he know's this too, if he was bothered to think it through. He actually passes the town where my parents live on his way to and from work everyday so it would be quite easy for him to do.

I do pretty much everything for DD, sorting everything out etc. This is hard enough but I find his comments like this just makes things a bit more difficult.

No, he is a twat.

No he's a twat. When you are sorting next holiday, ask him by text/email if he can cover any and remind him that DD will be going to your parents if he can't, but if he can take some leave to have her then you are more than happy for him to do so. I would probably also text/email now and remind him he can always arrange to have his usual contact by contacting your parents while she's there.
As he's not helping he should wind his neck in over the arrangements you make!

What a twat.

Any father should appreciate seeing their children every other weekend

What a selfish twat.

No he's just a twat. Make sure you point out that half term happens in May so that he has plenty of time to organise child care while you are both at work.

Some fathers (including my own- generally very thoughtful- DH) seem to think that child care just magically happens.

You dont seem to have a formal agreement I would really recommend it. Tell him that you have made DD available and your duty to him stops there.

Are you being sarcastic Bananas?

If you are, what do you suggest the OP does?

Refuses to see his kid- then complains he can't see his kid-
It's not unusual eh bananas?

ohgod I really could've wrote your post, my ex is exactly the same. Was working offshore, 4 weeks on 4 weeks off. Would only see our dd eow, even in the holidays he wouldn't see her during the week. But every now and then he moans that me and dh have taken her on holiday or shes gone to my mums for a couple of days.

Frankly he's a cunt! Make the plans to suit yourself and ignore him