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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to church

44 replies

ArriettyMatilda · 28/03/2016 19:26

Does anyone here go to church even if they don't believe in God? I attended the local Catholic church with dp when I moved here. I stopped going because I don't think I believe in God, I couldn't be bothered to get up early on a Sunday and it felt like a waste of time. I tried a new church with dp and dd recently and really enjoyed the service and I thought this is what's been missing in my life. I won't pretend that it's come from God, I believe it was the atmosphere of the church and because it felt so familiar from my childhood. It was also fun! Everyone was so welcoming, but this only made me feel more like a fraud. Would I be unreasonable to go to services and tell dd that this is what some people believe dp being one of them?

OP posts:

overwhelmed34 · 28/03/2016 23:00

Of course yanbu. The church I attend would welcome you with open arms, regardless of how often you attend, or your motivation for being there.

OrlandaFuriosa · 28/03/2016 23:04

You may get flamed as it s on AIBU. If You go on to one if the philosophy or religion threads you may get flamed for other reasons!

I'd say, however if it gives you something, go if you find the discipline useful working from outside in. The clergy if my church are v accepting, though regrettably not all if the congregation, and accept people's motivations, levels of faith, assent, vary from person to person and time to time, and that some come for music, stillness, or something they don't know what it us, or to share the community. My godchildren come from unmarried parents and are welcome in the Sunday school, no one asks about status. They and their parents get a blessing at the communion rail. Don't think parents confirmed, where there are two parents. Not our business. Only our business to love and support.

horseygeorgie · 28/03/2016 23:08

My DF is a vicar and my DM is being ordained in June. I think they would both say that what you gain from going carries real value, belief or not. Faith is a personal thing, and trust me, there are many many people who are stalwart church goers who have no more belief than you.

Duckdeamon · 28/03/2016 23:08

Is school admission a big part of your motivation?

Yanbu.

birdsdestiny · 28/03/2016 23:11

I occasionally go to our local church to support dc if they are singing etc. The vicar knows without a doubt that I don't believe as we are on a committee together and have discussed faith issues. He goes out of his way to make me feel welcome.

I have such respect for the way he does this and rather irritatingly can occasionally feel my atheism begin to wobble. Go to the church, and feel welcomed, I don't think that is being a fraud.

BackforGood · 28/03/2016 23:35

YANBU at all.

Iona aside, I'd say most Christians are on a lifelong journey, and many question their faith and their beliefs at different times on that journey.
I would definitely go where you enjoy the services and enjoy the company and the fellowship.

Not sure why everyone being welcoming would make you a fraud. I'd have thought with anything you start attending, you would hope people were welcoming whilst you "tried it out", or "tasted and saw".
My Church welcomes anyone who wants to come along to the service - even if they openly said they just wanted an hour to sit and listen but the didn't believe, of course they would be welcome, but, in truth, no-one would even know what you believed, or how strong that belief was, unless you chose to tell them.

cleaty · 28/03/2016 23:39

My gran, who is sadly dead, and her elderly friends, certainly practised "supermarket religion". They were all Christians, but used to visit various churches based on who was doing the best trips or activities for pensioners. I thought that was reasonable.

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/03/2016 23:49

Cleary I love your gran's attitude.

minatiae · 29/03/2016 02:25

Nothing wrong with going.

My church welcomes non-Christians and often non-Christians are addressed in the services (I.e. "those of you who aren't Christians find meaning in "). It is very welcoming and everyone respects that everyone will be at different stages of their journey with faith, and that that means some don't have faith at all.

It is a great community. I wasn't a Christian when I started going but I am one now.

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/03/2016 02:27

Sorry Cleaty. Auto correct sucks.

herecomethepotatoes · 29/03/2016 05:43

Of course it's fine. Just don't let them indoctrinate you.

I love going at Christmas but find religion amusing at best and frightening / a force for evil at worst.

Alanna1 · 29/03/2016 06:00

Of course you're welcome. I go to church regularly. I don't take communion for lofs of reasons but it is still a welcoming, kind, spiritual place.

Original poster

ArriettyMatilda · 29/03/2016 22:32

wigglesrock yes dp is Catholic. His priest specifically took him aside and told him he shouldn't be taking it. I think it's such a shame because dp would like to be a server as he used to be in his home town but feels he can't do this anymore.

Duckdeamon I'm not attending to get dd into a certain school. In any case dp takes her to the Catholic Church, so she may end up attending a Catholic school. However if we attend the other church regularly then when we are applying for schools I will probably put down the school linked to the church. I'm not sure I could bring myself to attend for the sole purpose of school admission. Its more about how do I explain to dd about why I go to church even of I don't believe in God and also explaining that to people at church. I just can't see there being a time when I am convinced of his existence.

OP posts:

Flashbangandgone · 29/03/2016 22:43

Yanbu. I think Church is more about community than God, though obviously God has a role to play...

steppemum · 29/03/2016 22:53

we go to a lively evangelical church.

Over the last few weeks the theme of the sermons has been Objections to Christianity, looking at some of the things that people find hard to understand.

Last week our pastor specifically talked about people walking in through the door who (shock horror) may not believe all we believe, have questions, doubts etc etc. His point was that it is up to us as Christians to make EVERYONE welcome no matter what. That is what Jesus would do. In fact that is what he did. Our job is to make people welcome, accept them exactly as they are and gently, through the worship/service etc, introduce them to God.

It isn't the first time this message has been preached either, it comes up regularly.

BackforGood · 29/03/2016 22:56

Firstly, as others have said, you don't need to explain that to anyone.
If you choose to talk with other members of the Church about what you do, and don't believe and what you are not sure about a) they will still welcome you anyway, and b) you may well find that there are lots of other people trying to work it all out too.
You can tell dd the truth -
that you enjoy your time there,

that you enjoy the fellowship and the company,

that you feel comfortable there,

that you like having an hour a week to just sit and reflect,

that you like the music
that you are interested in finding out more
that you'd like her to have the opportunity to find out about belonging to a church, so it makes it easier for her to make her own decisions later.

Use whichever combination of these applies. I suspect most of us who attend Church, attend for a combination of several of these reasons.

BlueMoonRising · 29/03/2016 22:59

I wouldn't worry too much about your lack of belief.

Not all vicars/priests/ministers believe either.

manicinsomniac · 29/03/2016 22:59

YANBU

You don't have to be a Christian to attend church any more than you have to attend church to be a Christian.

At every service, my church makes a point of acknowledging that not everyone in the congregation will be Christian and welcoming anybody there for the first time. They always explains any 'godspeak' used and how the bible reading is split up (the chapters and verses etc).

Churches are for anyone who wants to be there, any time they want to go.

QofF · 29/03/2016 22:59

Yanbu-go if you get something out of it, whatever that may be. Churches should be open to all.

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