Should I insist on paying? (another hen do one!)

[singme]

Another wedding/hen do one I'm afraid!

I've been reading loads of Mumsnet threads about weddings so I may be over-thinking this.

My friends are spread out all over the country, as I'm sure many people's are. I'm getting married in mine and H2B's home city in the summer, so most people have parents they can stay with or don't live too far away themselves. It's a small do, on a Saturday, everyone coming to every part of the day as lots of people will be travelling.

I always wanted a night out in my home city for my hen, nothing fancy, seeing as I've got so many memories there and it's also a really good city to go out in! However with everyone being so spread out I wasn't sure I'd even have a hen do.

However unanimously my friends were keen for a hen. One friend, let's call her Emma, was constantly emailing ideas about European destinations! In the end I said I'd just like a fairly central UK hen do that people can hop on the train or drive to, but please no one be obligated to come.

My cousin, let's call her Louise, offered to organise the whole thing! I actually said we'd do it together but she said that's no fun! I chose my home city as a base as then a lot of the guests have the option of staying with their parents. Louise has sorted accommodation for whoever would like it.

I've heard (through spies!) that the cost of the whole hen is £130 for 2 nights and I think a couple of meals although don't know the details. I obviously contacted Louise and offered to transfer my share but she said they'd all agreed to cover it which is amazing!

Now I've heard that Emma is saying it's too expensive and she can't afford it and it's ridiculous she is expected to. I understand if she can't afford it but why all the suggestions for going abroad? And also her parents live in the city we are going to so she could stay with them.

Feel a bit guilty I haven't paid so wondering if I should insist or if I should pay for some aspect of the hen so it's cheaper?

Also feeling sad that close friends feel so obligated despite knowing me really well and knowing that I understand and can't wait to see them at the wedding instead.

I think £130 isn't bad, actually, though it depends exactly what that's covering. Obviously, this depends on how much you all have as disposable income.

If I were you, I'd plan to pick up some of the extras - e.g. for at least one (and potentially both?) of the dinners, I'd wander off for a quiet word with your waiter and explain that you would like to pick up the wine bill, it's your hen so the other women may try to pay but you would like him/her to bring that bill to you only.

OP do you want a hen at all? 6 hours travel seems a lot.

I've just read the Maui thread where the OP is paying for a cruise for the hen. I think I should probably get some booze in at the very least!

Good idea about a quiet word with the waiter!!

I don't mind the travel at the moment as I haven't seen them all in ages and work is so busy right now I won't get over there before the hen anyway!

FrancesHaHa it's whatever anyone wants to do. So there's accommodation for the out-of-towners and me, then a few people are doing the night out only and going home or staying at home but still coming to everything, and my mum and auntie are saying they are coming for dinner but absolutely not getting drunk on wine and staying out late .

OP it is a great plan. Do not let the joysuckers project their circumstances onto you.

Have a lovely time with your friends and have a chat with Emma. She can decide not to be part of your hen because it isn't in Maui if she chooses.