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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

lay ins

16 replies

Helsbellsnch34 · 27/03/2016 11:51

Oh works in a restaurant often works til 11pm 1230am, also finishes at 10pm some nights. We have 3 DC aged 4, 22 months and 10 weeks. I do nearly all get ups (when we were both working I'd finish at 1am so we'd alternate), which I don't mind EXCEPT he is so unappreciative. 'You all make too much noise so I'm can't sleep anyway' today after struggling with the kids for 3 hours by myself whilst he lay imbed on his phone I ended up really shouting at the biggest. He did the get ups with dc2 who is a crap sleeper, I was up with baby. AIBU to expect him to get up and help if he's not sleeping?! Or should he be allowed that time anyway? He often tells me 'I got up as soon as you took them out' which I find infuriating as I could really do with help getting them dressed and out the door. Can't tell if I'm just being a bit of a cow. He works hard and is a great dad, I'm trying to enjoy my last maternity leave but just want to go back to work so there's some equality again.

OP posts:

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 27/03/2016 11:53

How appreciative are you of the fact he works very late to earn for the family? Do you show it?

It works both ways.

MLGs · 27/03/2016 11:53

He shouldn't get all the lie-ins. You have a need to catch up on some sleep too.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 27/03/2016 11:54

And it's lie ins, not lay ins.

Junosmum · 27/03/2016 11:55

I think you should both be allowed child free time, whether that's sleeping, reading on your phone or popping out. If lie ins are important to him he needs to find alternatives to help support you.

Buzzardbird · 27/03/2016 11:57

The Op might be American. It is 'lay' there.

Original poster

Helsbellsnch34 · 27/03/2016 12:21

I am very appreciative for everything he does for us, I tell him and make sure we are up and out of the house in the mornings so he can sleep and he goes tot he gym 2-3 times a week before work. Child free isn't possible for me as the baby is ebf, he does have the older ones if I need to do something. I find getting them all ready and out of the house the most challenging thing to do, getting dressed (clothes then coats and boots and into the buggy), I'm upset that he knows this, listens to it all and then gets up once it's done.

Appreciate its lie ins, not American just a bit Norfolk!

OP posts:

Original poster

Helsbellsnch34 · 27/03/2016 12:23

Should also say 'enjoying my last maternity leave' doesn't mean getting all the lie ins!

OP posts:

barefootbytheocean · 27/03/2016 12:24

Lie ins are just so lazy.

Hate it.

witsender · 27/03/2016 15:14

Regardless of what appreciation you show him...what appreciation does he show you?! Yanbu, he should be helping not lounging and you should get a rest too. When it is your turn for a lie in then you can choose to play on phone or sleep, much like he does.

Jelliebabe1 · 27/03/2016 23:03

Mrs Leigh half penny - you sound like a cunt! If you have nothing constrictive to say! Don't... Lie in lay in.... Twat

Dustyantique · 27/03/2016 23:14

If you have nothing constrictive to say! Don't...

Quite right Jellie

OP, just strangle the man.

ConfuciousSayWhat · 27/03/2016 23:26

1230 isn't that late a finish so as to hog all the lie ins imo

HeddaGarbled · 27/03/2016 23:30

Your biggest stress seems to be getting them out of the house at a particular time so I think you should just stop doing that. Are you getting them out of the house to enable his lie in? Well he's criticising you for doing him this favour so stop doing it.

If you need to get the 4 year old to nursery, leave the two younger with him for half an hour or whatever, then take over when you get back.

You have to have some compensation for the fact that you are doing the childcare every evening by yourself and that compensation is the fact that he is around in the mornings to share the load.

Vixyboo · 28/03/2016 00:09

I make coffee for my OH to get him waking up! Then I bring him DS and say I am taking a shower or whatever it is and sweetly thank him. Haha

pickledparsnip · 28/03/2016 00:32

OP I would be really fucked off. You need to have a big chat with him as it is very unfair at the mo.

Please ignore MrsLeigh, what a twat.

BillSykesDog · 28/03/2016 01:23

12:30 is when he finishes. So presumably he's not getting home until 1am latest, probably later. Given that he'll probably need to eat, wind down towards sleep a little and get ready for bed he's probably not getting to bed until about 2:30-3am. So expecting him to spring out of bed with the kids at 7am is totally U and would probably be bad for his well being long term.

You need to work something out for his days off so he can have a rest.

But I think referring to them as lie ins, and even worse, calling him lazy as one poster did, is unfair. He's not having a lie in, he's having a reasonable amount of sleep just at a different time due to his working hours.

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