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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a maid of honour?

27 replies

TypicallyEnglishMustard · 27/03/2016 10:18

Is it wrong/odd to have bridesmaids, but no maid/matron of honour for your wedding?

I've asked five of my friends to be bridesmaids (I know, that's probably a lot): best friend since we were at school, best friend from uni, flat mate from uni, "corridor buddy" from work, and the best man's wife who I've grown close with since we both started dating our other halves years ago. I'm close with all of these women, although have different relationships with all of them based on how we know each other.

Would it be wrong of me to not choose one of them to be a maid of honour, though? I don't have a desperate need for one, as I'm not having a hen do, and there's no obligation for them to do anything besides turn up on the day, and to choose a dress which roughly matches the colour scheme. I just don't think I like the idea of choosing one of them "over the others" in some way, as I think they're all brilliant, and I know them all so differently. It's not like we're all part of the same big friendship group, IYSWIM?

Will it be weird if I don't choose a maid of honour?

OP posts:
SmallBee · 27/03/2016 10:21

Nope, your wedding your rules. I think it's fine. I've been to two weddings where there weren't any MoH and didn't think it was odd.

PoptartPoptart · 27/03/2016 10:22

I'm not having a maid of honour, just 3 small bridesmaids ages 6,7 and 10

MrsJayy · 27/03/2016 10:27

I have been a matron of honour made me feel well matronlyGrin its a weird title isnt it maid/matron do what you want i only had bridesmaids my 15yrold sister and my dd my friend was my witness and signed the register

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 27/03/2016 10:27

I did the same as Poptart. Still managed to get married. Helped that I didn't bother with hen do either. Just went to the park one lunchtime with some work colleagues.

RatOnnaStick · 27/03/2016 10:30

I just had my sister and my best friend. They were equal bridesmaids.

FadedRed · 27/03/2016 10:30

Prepared to be corrected on this.
Traditionally brides ' maids' are the unmarried (i.e 'maiden') friends of the bride, and the 'Matron' of honour are married women acting in the same role as a bridesmaid. Maiden being the term for virgin, which married women would no longer be iyswim.
You can just have bridesmaids, but if any of them are married then they would be Matron of honour.
Obviously these days you can do whatever you like!

calzone · 27/03/2016 10:32

Who will sign the register with you though?
Am sure it is usually your MofH.

Do what you like as it's your wedding.

MrsJayy · 27/03/2016 10:36

Ooo you will need to pick your favourite bridesmaid to sign the register op she might call herself MOH anyway

21stCenturyBreakdown · 27/03/2016 10:37

You can have whoever you want signing the register. We chose two close family members / friends who weren't part of the wedding party at all, as a way of involving them in the day.

MrsJayy · 27/03/2016 10:39

Yeah i know that was just teasing the op

BitchyComment · 27/03/2016 10:43

Sounds like a good plan to me.

Junosmum · 27/03/2016 10:45

I didn't have one- 4 bridesmaids (1 male), one flower girl and no maid of honour.

I've also been a bridesmaid where there is no maid of honour.

Not weird at all.

Original poster
TypicallyEnglishMustard · 27/03/2016 11:06

Glad to hear that other people have done it/been to weddings without a maid of honour then!

I've never been to one without, and every example of "wedding parties" on Pinterest put a lot of emphasis on the importance of your maid of honour... But I think I'm reading the wrong blog links for my wedding!

It hadn't occurred to me about the register. I guess I'll choose someone not in the wedding party already.

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 27/03/2016 11:11

It doesn't matter a bit whether you have one or not. I didn't have any bridesmaids at all and it really didn't matter. It's just a playful tradition that doesn't mean what it used to. They don;t actually do much do they? straighten a train, hold a bouquet.

I think the bridesmaid thing is a lot of fuss about nothing but then I'm an old grump. Each to their own.

Have the wedding you want. I'm sure it will be lovely.

thisisbloodyridiculous · 27/03/2016 11:14

I had four bridesmaids no MoH and we had our mums sign the certificate otherwise it's just father's names that appear on it which seems a bit weird in this day and age..

icebearforpresident · 27/03/2016 11:16

I didn't have a maid of honour,didn't see the point to be honest. Had three bridesmaids, one signed the register (and it doesn't HAVE to be a bridesmaid that does this),one did a reading during the ceremony and the other one at the top table during the meal while the other 2 sat with our friends.

KP86 · 27/03/2016 11:24

You don't need a MOH but you will need to choose someone (doesn't even have to be from wedding party) to act as your witness.

AntiHop · 27/03/2016 11:28

Just make your own rules. We had no bridesmaids at all.

Iwantacampervan · 27/03/2016 11:28

I didn't have any bridesmaids and managed to invite friends for a meal out as a hen night and get myself organised on the day (on my own) - our witnesses were the best man and his wife. I got married in a country house so the register was signed in the room rather than in another room/vestry. No formal procession out either.

PedantPending · 27/03/2016 12:39

It's chief bridesmaid, isn't, unless you are American? And matron of honour is a married chief bridesmaid.
Personally I think all bridesmaids should be aged between 5 and 12.
Or, to quote my brother, there were 2 (adult) bridesmaids the fat one and the skinny one :-)

kennyp · 27/03/2016 12:43

i didn't want bridesmaids and didn't have them. nor a page boy or things like that. with hindsight i would have loved to have had some cute 4 year olds in fancy dress or dressed up as chimney sweeps but my hindsight is a bit wonky as i realise.

to quote a quote that was quoted a jillion times on a wedding website i was on "it's YOUR day". the 'your' was ALWAYS in CAPITALS. don't forget the YOUR. repeat to fade.

MrsJayy · 27/03/2016 13:20

I dont think MOH is an American thing more a western thing

Pinkheart5915 · 27/03/2016 13:23

No not weird at all. Your wedding your rules

cinnamonorange · 27/03/2016 13:23

Do whatever you like. We had no bridesmaids, no best man, no walking down the aisle, no speeches, no first dance and no cake, and we're still married.

SuePerkins · 27/03/2016 13:43

Not at all. I had three adult bridesmaids - sister and two friends. All "just" bridesmaids in the way you describe, no additional duties. My mother was my witness.

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