Am i a bad friend because i don't want to hear my friend bitch about her lazy boyfriend she will never leave?

[Dommylee]

Writing this because its 4 am and again i have been woken up to another 7 whatsapp messages.
Shes been with him on and off for 11 years, she is 26 now. He cheated on her when she was 18 but she got back with him and a few years later had a baby with him.
He does not do anything she claims to look after her daughter besides money, they live together and he pays his way but he always stays out clubbing or goes out with his mates or goes on holiday and when he is in he is smoking weed or playing xbox. He is 30.
She is always messaging me about how 'she wants a new boyfriend' and 'he is always out' but she wont leave him. I don't tell her to leave him because its not my business but i am getting bored of her bitching about it.

The thing is she never wants to come out or go on holiday or do anything without him, she will come around to mine and we might go to dinner or something but she wont come clubbing or anything girls in their 20's are meant to do. I think this is why she is resenting him because she wants to stay glued to him 24/7 whilst he actually wants to enjoy life and just because you have a baby doesn't mean you cant do that once in a while.

I had another friend who i knew since school like this and she complained about her BF 24/7 but this guy really treated her badly she was not allowed to even go anywhere i could only visit her at her house and even then he would moan about it. I got sick of it and cut her off it was like i was having an affair with her.

I don't want to cut of the above friend but its getting on my nerves now, I left my child's father because i was not happy with him and obviously others do so I don't understand girls like the above.
I know i probably sound really un-supportive but imagine hearing this for YEARS about how shit he is, if you are unhappy just leave, they are not married!

AIBU? Harsh?

There's a huge societal expectation that women are somehow responsible for the emotional wellbeing of those around them.

I really agree with this.

You want to leave your phone on at night and not be woken up with stupid drama llama. Completely your right. You need to tell your friend "no messages/texts after 11pm - I need to keep phone on for emergencies and you keep waking me up with relationship issues that have been ongoing for 11 years now."

I have been in this situation with my best friend before.. She was always talking about how terrible her boyfriend was, how he never paid her any attention. Yet no matter how many times you told her to leave, she never would. I gave up with it and now just don't listen to her when she bangs on about him.

I would turn your phone off at night, or put it on Do not disturb if it is an iPhone, that way you can still get phone calls in case of an emergency.

OP, I understand your frustration, I really do. One of my best friends is married to some loser and him and his family control every aspect of her life. I've told her to leave countless of times, she just won't do it. But- I'll still be there for her no matter what, and I'll continue to support her as my friend.

I was with my abusive ex for 9 years, and oh boy! Were they frustrated. But I'm so glad they stood by my side and continued to support me no matter what.

So OP, I'll just continue to support your friend.

Also regarding the clubbing, I just can't do it anymore and I'm in my early 20s! I couldn't function the next day and I was so ill and couldn't look after DS properly. Never again.

Until a sadly high proportion of women wake up and smell the coffee what can you do?

I'd do what Xmas has suggested, turn your phone off.

I agree with OTheHugeManatee

I have a friend who would moan about her abusive boyfriend and contact me to tell me she'd left him because he'd done xyz and then went back to him two days later. Repeatedly.

In the end I had to cut myself off. I tried to help her but she did not want my help, not really, I will get some flaming me for this, but flame away. The friendship became one sided, negative and all about her. I chose not to be in that kind of friendship anymore and if the OP decides similar then who can blame her.

Friendships are a two way street and if you ask yourself the question 'what's in it for me' and the answer is nothing, or very little, you're better off out.