To think that I have odd parents?

[Igottastartthinkingbee]

They have been staying over at ours for Easter. DH away with his hobby so me, 2 small DC (18months and 4) and grandparents are to have a few days of trips out/Easter egg hunts/ general hanging out.

DH has decided to cut his trip short because of the weather. So him and his friend are coming back here tonight and will probably do their hobby somewhere more locally tomorrow. We have lots of room for the extra guest to stay over.

I finally get downstairs after settling DCs to bed and DM and DF inform me that they're going home! And mention that extra guest is the reason why. Feel that they're 'crowding us out'. They're not. DF has an issue with plans changing at the last minute. He cannot cope with dealing with anything unexpected.

So I'm pissed off that they've gone because:

1. They haven't said goodbye to the DCs who are expecting them to still be here tomorrow
2. They'll miss the excitement of the egg hunt (and it would've been more exciting with them here instead of just me)
3. I have an extra day on my own with the DCs.
4. It was quite nice having some adult company with DH being away and I'm sat here like a lemon on my own. DH and friend aren't back till quite late.

I'm sure DM would've stayed when I tried to talk them round. DH and friend will be gone after breakfast and not back till teatime. I cannot see the issue but DF had made his mind up so off they went. I am now eating a massive chocolate egg all to myself .

btw my parents mainly DF are odd in other ways but I haven't the will to go into everything!

Your parents don't sound odd, they sound a bit over-sensitive if anything. I think your DH doesn't sound great though for ditching his family on the Easter weekend.

igotta I don't think I'm odd at all.

My mother wasn't odd either; just kind of self-absorbed to the point where she wouldn't say why she was put out, but got miffed if you didn't know why, then would take offence.

Maybe they just couldn't face the Egg Hunt after all, and were embarrassed and didn't like to say. Maybe one of them felt ill, or tired, or cba with young children. And yes, maybe they're socially awkward to the point they genuinely felt they had to leave.

I think some people just feel out of sorts out of their own home - esp as they get get older. It may be something more of course.

Yanbu - I'd be upset too.

Incandescent that's a bit unfair on OPs DH. OP was seemingly fine about her DH doing his hobby this weekend and had made other plans with her parents.

Your dad is odd. Your poor mum has just had something she has been really looking forward to spoilt by him. So have you and the children.

Whatever the reason (ASC or social anxiety or just being a selfish tosser), you need to make sure this doesn't happen again. So let your H know that there must be no more unexpected changes to plans with your parents unless there is an emergency.

People do not chose to be ASD or Socially anxious. I became reclusive due to circumstances outwith my control. It could be that OPs DF has something like PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). What ever the DF reasons for deciding to go home, if he has any of these things he just cant help it. He didn't chose it.

I have aspergers and tbh if I was your parents, I would feel panicked at sharing a house with someone I don't know. I would try my best to stay. But it might be too much and I would need to go home.

I am not selfish or a tosser. I can't help it all though I really try to overcome these feelings, sometimes I just can't.

You have no idea how difficult it is to appear 'normal' especially when you think you have a few days of taking a break from appearing normal.

Older people can get funny about sleeping in other people's houses, sharing bathrooms and the like. An extra person who they don't know well may have tipped it over the edge for your Dad.

Odd to our generation but not entirely uncommon I think.

They thought they were coming for a nice family time and you showed them that strangers matter more. Well done.

And what purple said about beds and bathrooms. That's very true. I, too, thought 'ASD' when I read about your Dad.

Bit harsh timelytess, how is she showing them that 'strangers matter more'? It was the DH who invited the friend and they're only sleeping there then going straight out anyway, it wouldn't have affected today's plans.

Whatever may or may not be the cause on why they left, I think you really should address it with your DPs so it doesn't happen again in future.

My maternal GPs would do this a lot to us as kids. Show up, make plans, stay for a bit, promise us activities and then disappear without saying goodbye - even often to my DM (their DD) or just offering some flimsy excuse or grasping at anything to leave. Net result is we don't have anything to do with the any more. They wail and whine about it, but they made their bed is our opinion.

I find it very depressing that any foibles, social anxiety, ways of coping with stressful situations that are forced upon us are now LABELLED as ASD, PTSD or Aspergers - we are all differant and this is a good normal thing.

Respect that not everyone behaves the same way as you expect them to behave (or as you would in the same circumstances)
I would feel the same way as your parents if this situation was forced on me but would grit my teeth and make small talk rather than disappoint the grandchildren.

Hedda are you seriously telling the OP, to tell her DH, he can't come back to his own home & bring his friend (another time)?!

Timelymess what a strange thing to say. She hasn't shown that strangers matter more. Her DH is coming home due to the weather & is bringing his mate. They'll hardly be there. The time with their daughter & grandchildren would have been altered by their son in law, in his own home!, and his friend over breakfast, that's all. The grandparents still had all day alone with their daughter & grandchildren as planned.

I feel very sorry for anyone who would feel so uncomfortable with their son in law & his friend, arriving after they were asleep & leaving again after breakfast, that they would prefer to miss out on a day they had planned with their daughter and grandchildren. I know people with various issues that would feel this way and it's sad. It's hard to know if the OP's Dad is one of those people or just an awkward arse whose nose is easily put out of joint by the world not revolving solely around him & has no regard for others feelings.

Well thanks for your polite comment timely DHs friend is not a stranger. They have met him before a few times but don't know him well.

I can see now how it might have made him/them feel. But I was completely taken aback at how abruptly they left. I literally had just come downstairs from settling kids to bed. They knew he was coming several hours earlier so could've said something earlier. But maybe I have the same insensitivities as DF not to have realised how they may feel about it. DH on the other hand cannot understand them leaving because he is a very welcoming 'more the merrier' type person. And the friend would've been stranded until Monday if he hadn't stayed here as he lives abroad. Were we supposed to make him stay in a tent outside in Storm Katie?!

Btw my parents have always got on very well with DH.

I'd have been a bit put out if I were your parents. You had a nice family weekend planned then invite a stranger over to stay. I would have found that quite awkward. I would not have left but as others replies have outlined, some people dislike small talk with strangers, sharing bathrooms etc.

I'd be put out too if I were you OP, especially as your parents hadn't even mentioned to you that they'd feel uncomfortable or whatever.
Whatever the reason for your dad's choice, I feel very sorry for you, your children and your mum.

Hope you still have a lovely day though

I would be furious with your parents in your position, OP. Whatever their reason for leaving, they are adults and should put the children first. My children would be heartbroken to get up and find grandparents had left and I wouldn't forgive either set of grandparents for that. I'm not sure they would be welcome any more if it were me.

Of course, not everyone thinks "the more the merrier".

I can see me being (selfishly) a bit put out by this thinking that I was looking forward to time with just my daughter & GC iyswim.

But in reality, if husband & friend are going to be busy with a hobby, then it might only have been extra people at breakfast & dinner?

Shame for your mum, but she chose to go along with it.

I don't think your parents are odd, have you asked them why they left so suddenly?

I can think of loads of reasons, shame for the kids but it's not the end of the world.

Sorry i'd want to leave too. I hate small talk, hate being around people I don't know well.
Hate unexpected changes to plans. I reckon they were looking forward to a family thing then a friend joining kind of changes the dynamics.
I know I'm probably in the minority though.

But the family friend isn't joining in, as such, they're there for a very brief amount of time with most of that being asleep!

I'd be annoyed at my parents in this situation as I think it was unnecessary to potentially upset the children (who may also not be very happy with the known plans being changed; it works both ways!).