Dear CIA,
I am rather opposed to torture and to be frank, find it reprehensible. However this morning a method was brought to my attention that is so effective I felt I would be remiss not to share it with you.
Firstly, wake your interrogee at an ungodly hour like 5:55am. Wake them brutally and swiftly, giving them no time to assimilate to their surroundings. Drag them downstairs into a cold, brightly lit room.
Now, present them with a large box of complex Lego. Whilst they are still punch drunk from lack of sleep and unable to see properly, demand that they build the complicated structures contained within the pack.
Should they deviate in any way from the design on the box or fumble with any of the ridiculously tiny pieces, reprimand them loudly and with increasing agitation.
Ensure you keep up a loud, surreal stream of consciousness during the exercise. To ensure your subject cannot merely tune this out, pepper your invective with a series of non-sequential questions, which demand immediate answer.
Once you feel your captive is close to breaking, demand they prepare you breakfast. When they ask what they should prepare, don’t tell them outright. Instead, conduct a long and convoluted game resembling a twisted version of ’20 Questions’.
Keep it vague. For example, if describing a cereal, try fiendishly, complex clues like; “They are a shape but not a circle” and “We had them once a pre-school on a Tuesday”.
When your subject finally cracks the code, puncture their brief moment of hope by ensuring that after all that, the item being described is not something that you have on the camp.
When your subject is forced to admit this, fling yourself to the ground and begin emitting a noise at a level of decibels that will have the Geneva Convention writing an emergency amendment to international law.
Finally, force your captive to watch videos of grown adults opening an endless stream of “Blind Boxes” and Kinder eggs.
Provide no reason for this or any hint of when it might stop. During this part of the process re-introduce the “stream of consciousness and surreal yet urgent questions” technique employed earlier on.
If you feel this isn’t enough, feel free to dig your elbows in to your captive at every opportunity. Do it hard, do it often. Mix this up with some really affectionate cuddles for maximum emotional confusion and to ensure Stockholm syndrome is in full flow.
I appreciate the above seems somewhat inhumane, but with steely adherence to the process described you should break even the most hardened war lord prior to 8am.
Good luck.