AIBU to be filled with dread at another full day and night with my 8m/o

[humblebumblejo]

Just that really. He doesn't sleep that well. He is seriously grumpy and wingey because of it. Our days start around 5/30/6am. I am not together with father though he has him two nights a week for 2 hours and saturday and sunday afternoons. I feel like I am living for the moment he comes and takes him off me... I am now tucked up in bed, warm, with my laptop and cup of tea.. heaven. I don't want it to end. Feel so guilty. Some days really wish I had a job so I could get away from him. Went to visit a childminder to try and get a couple of mornings off, but LO did not like it and just wanted to be held by me. I feel so selfish for wanting those mornings off. In September I will be going back to work 3 days a week... thats 6 months away :(

l know it doesn't seem like it now, but it does get better as they get older.

My DS was like yours. From the moment he was born he was ridiculously grumpy. He didn't eat well due to reflux, barely slept and whined/grumbled/cried all day, every day. The HV "helpfully" remarked that she'd never seen such an unhappy baby.
I went back to work after 8 months as being at home just wasn't for me. In my head I'd pictured loving relaxing with the baby but, in reality, I was bored and so frustrated as no matter what I did, nothing seemed to make him remotely happy.
The good news is that it passes. As he got older and more mobile, the reflux stopped and he became a lot happier. He still didn't sleep through until he was 16mo but I think that is just when he was ready.
Don't feel guilty about not enjoying being at home. I remember waiting desperately for the minute my DH got home from work so I could get some peace. It's relentless and there's no shame in wanting some time to yourself. The first year is so, so difficult.
Definitely persevere with the childminder. Very few babies actively like being left the first few times but they get over it really quickly. When DS goes to nursery after a bit of time off he is inconsolable, but he soon forgets about me once I've left him. After a few weeks it becomes routine and the crying/clinging stops.
I know it's not a magic answer but I promise it gets better-DS is 2 now and a crazy, demanding ball of fun.

Could your son's father have him overnight and maybe a whole day at the weekend? If you can afford the child-minder it would be worth sticking with them and letting your son get used the change.

I just worry that a childminder will get pissed off with him, if he's grumpy and moany all day, I hate the thought he wouldn't be cared for properly. I had thought about CM rather than nursery so he would get more homely feel but having been there the older kids were quite in his face and he is not used to it. Maybe a nursery would be better?

I was a much better mum when i was working. Even though it was more stressful in some ways, it made me really appreciate the days i was at home with the kids and enjoy our down time when i wasn't running around between work and nursery. I was on my own with them from 6 months and 2 years. Its hard. But it gets easier.

Oh. And my youngest got up at 5 every morning too. It makes for a long day. He was unhappy at childminders at first, but settled in. She told me he only ever cried as i was leaving, as soon as i'd gone he was all smiles and played happily.

Just feels so wrong to put him in CM/nursery just for a bit of peace and quiet! Don't think I'm cut out to be a mum :(

humble it's not that you're not cut out to be a mum, but being a mum comes in all shapes and sizes.

I went back to work full time when DS was 6 months old. Dreaded it. By lunchtime on the first day I started feeling better. This doesn't make me a worse or better mum than a sahm, but it just took me that long to find my groove as a mum. I also know that I'm not really a baby person. somewhat unfortunate as I'm expecting dc2 this week

I longed for peace and quiet, used to love handing him over to his dad as he came in the door, and if I didn't have that, id definitely have investigated cm/nursery earlier. I have total respect for you doing it as a single mum, it is so hard.

Sleep deprivation is torture, and 5am is far too early for sanity...

You are not a bad person, or a bad parent, and it will get better, I promise.

Thanks Jeni, made me feel better and massive good luck for new arrival

Yanbu at all! I would definitely try again with the cm or a nursery. They just need time to settle.

Honestly it gets easier. I am not single, and have had plenty of support from DH (Although we haven't had any from relatives as they are all either not able or too far away). But it was still so difficult when dd was waking 6-8 times a night. I was a zombie, I would muddle my words up. I once had ectopic heartbeats from stress and lack of sleep washed down with coffee. DH was away, I had the non sleeping small baby and a toddler. I was very happy to be a SAHM, but at times it was shockingly exhausting. So cut yourself some slack, and don't worry that you aren't cut out for this. It will get better!

My moto with babies and children is whatever gets you through. I went back to work with my first baby part time at 10 months old, felt fine. Stayed at home with the next children and found it very stressful. They are 3 now and I am starting to realise I need work and a break. I have also realised I need my own space to recharge.
You have a difficult baby please don't beat yourself up. Get more breaks if you can and you'll find you might enjoy it more once you have the rest you need. 2 afternoons at the weekend and 4 hours during the week is not a break.

Do it! If you can afford it put him in nursery, just 2 mornings a week. Don't feel guilty a break is lovely and it will make you a better mum, he will enjoy it especially now he's starting to play and interact more. Also agree see if you can get your baby's dad to have him one night and week instead of a few hours here and there. Don't beat yourself up

You sound as though your at the stage my DD was around this age.

This was with both me and my eldest DD having my GD for the odd day and I'd had her overnight.

Your paying for childcare, because you don't have what a lot of people are lucky to have, family/friends help.

It's tough on your own, but as said, it will get easier soon and even the weather being better will make a difference.

Nursery may be the way to go as they're split by ages, so there wouldn't be any contact with much older children. DS's nursery does a 0-2 room, a 2-3 room and then 3-5.

You need to do what gets you through. It's ok to not like being at home!

Ahh bless you! i also count the hours down to when I can put my 2 yr old to bed. He gets up at 5.30am religiously, no matter what time ive put him to bed. Some days all he does is cry and throw things. He recently started nursery 2 days a week so I live for the quiet days of tuesdays and fridays during school hours. Thank goodness it's just a faze and they so quickly grow up. I don't know how many times a day I say 'give me strength'.

Oh bless you! they are not like this forever. There are always hard times and this sounds like yours. Sleep deprivation is a nightmare, I remember feeling like a ghost. I used to go out a lot walking my babies in the pram (streets with paving stones are great) or drive somewhere, even if just to the shops. They then slept a little and I got a break and a little bit of peace.

Also helps to meet up with a mum or mums with a baby the same age - or go to baby groups so your DS gets tons of stimulation and you can have a cuppa and a chat. They then used to fall asleep on the way home due to the stimulation of stealing toys from other babies ;) But, have to say, sometimes I just didn't feel like it. Too tired and stressed.

I'd try a child minders again or a nursery just a couple of mornings a week. He will get used to it and sounds like it would be good for you too.

This is such a difficult stage OP. As others have said definitely persevere with childminder or a nursery.

The first year of parenthood is bloody hard slog - eight months is a very trying stage, they aren't newborns and aren't toddlers - you can't do much with them. Some most days were just so hard - long, boring and depressing and I wasn't doing it on my own either. Hats off to you

Any chance you could bring your return to work forward. Or could DS dad have him overnight a couple of nights a week?

Doubt his dad would have him overnight but I will try! But yes realise gave up too soon on childcare and need to try it again... feeling bit better with the sleep I caught up on this afternoon... though I know I'll be knackered again by morning. Counting down to the days it gets easier....!

It must be so hard being on your own most of the time with a baby, I was the same as others, counting down the minutes till DH came home. My second child didn't sleep till he was around 10 months and I also had a toddler, felt like a zombie most of the time. I would ask his father if he can do more or is there anyone else you can ask who would take him for a couple of hours, family members? Are there any mother and baby groups you can go to, mixing with people who are in the same situation helped me, ask the health visitor. Try and get out with him as much as you can to help your own mental health. My DS was very hard work as a baby and toddler, now he is 6 he is very sweet and actually quite shy which I would never have imagined!

I have a 9 month old DS. He's mostly a happy content baby who sleeps through and naps well (although not so much this week due to a cold and teeth!) I also have a fairly helpful DH who doesn't work crazy hours or anything. I often count down the hours until bedtime because it's just so tedious and am jealous of friends with family nearby who give them a break during the week.

Doing it alone, with a difficult baby must be extremely draining. I'd definitely persevere with the childcare if I were you. You need a break sometimes!

OP. This is for you- it still makes DH and I weep with laughter .

LOL!

I found that stage so difficult! Totally sympathise with you, OP. DS was a happy little chap, but at 8 months they're really not that exciting, while still needing lots of work! A couple of months will make a big difference - I went from dreading him waking, to looking forward to it.

I'd persevere with the childminders/nursery if you feel it helps. Nothing wrong with giving yourself a break.

I think that if Dad is around you need to get him to step up a bit more! You're effectively doing 154 hours a week whereas he's only doing 14 (assuming each afternoon = 5 hours, which is generous). And he's getting nice easy bits.

Maybe overnight isn't feasible yet, which is fair, but perhaps you can work up to it.

It is hard having it all on you, is what I mean to say.