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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think the council should consider who they put where better?

70 replies

coily · 26/03/2016 10:23

Trying not to be a TAAT but being in a position where I couldn't actually choose where I lived

AIBU to think the council shouldn't have housed families in blocks of flats with elderly people especially living directly below us?

It's impossible not to cause noise pollution to some extent when you have children in a flat - but I think it's exaggerated how much of a nuisance the families are in my block because we're placed above people who spend a lot of their time at home during the day

Our block is nastily divided now between the families vs the old folk and it's not really anyone's fault but the councils I think

If the children run or shout in the communal areas the older folk are yelling at the mums to control their kids better - and we don't let our kids actually play out there but kids are unpredictable especially smaller ones, on the way in and out of the building we can't gag them despite wanting to ourselves sometimes as a concrete block echoes

Wouldn't it be better to have blocks of elderly or single people and blocks of families?

OP posts:

Original poster

coily · 26/03/2016 12:09

You say you are grateful but you aren't really, because if you were you would be appreciative you were given a roof over your head. I'm sure lots of homeless people would love to have your problem.

Wow. Return to the thread and this has highly amused me!

Erm... How the fuck do you think I was "given" a council place in the first place?

If you find that hard, the clue is in your comment

OP posts:

SummerRosie321 · 27/03/2016 00:15

Housing associations have done worse. My abusive ex was rehouse round the corner from where my mum lived while I was staying on her sofa and when I questioned why it was allowed they told me it was because I was only there temporary then when I asked when I would be house I was told that I was being handed over to a council 300 miles away as I had links in that area and they couldn't house me near him. I'd much prefer noisy neighbours than having to relocate. (In the end the one I was moved to said they don't house under 25s and I was took back off the list while pregnant.

TheBouquets · 27/03/2016 02:54

I am not sure that age segregation would be the cure for all housing problems. There was a thread else where about a baby using a Jumperoo in an upstairs flat with laminated flooring at certain times including 7 am. I have neighbours with laminated floors. They are about 60 ish no children, they work shifts starting very early. At 4.30 am the alarm goes off. Then they move the chairs around. I really really do not want to be woken at that time. Yet likely they would be put in the older peoples' block. I am sure other older people would not be very pleased to be woken that early. If they were in the young peoples' building I would not think mums would be pleased to have DCs woken at 4.30 am. I think a bit of consideration would be better.

ReallyTired · 27/03/2016 06:31

People with laminated floors in flats deserve to be shot. When we lived in a flat the lease banned laminate flooring. Thick cat pet does a lot to improve noise pollution.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 27/03/2016 06:45

I do think you have a point, OP so I don't think YABU. When my nan had a council flat in the 1980s and 1990s, she was housed in a block that was specifically for the over 50s. There were none of the noise issues that are inevitable with young families and a lovely community feel.

However, pressure on council accommodation is much more pressing now and people are placed where there is space. So unfortunately, I don't think any council would ever entertain the idea now. My nan's old block ceased to be exclusively for the over 50s at some point in the early 2000s and now houses families as well as single younger people. I know there have been disagreements among residents about noise, which is a same for everyone.

SummerRosie321 · 27/03/2016 07:32

Really tired "Thick cat pet does a lot to improve noise pollution."
I'm hoping that was a spell checker mistake and not some crazy loon who hates animals.

SilverDragonfly1 · 27/03/2016 07:41

My mum has a thick cat and he makes a ton of noise, so probably scratch that idea

ReallyTired · 27/03/2016 08:13

The joys of an iPad spell checker. I meant carpet. I don't think it's fair to keep costs in flats whether they are thick or intelligent.

catsinthecraddle · 27/03/2016 09:51

f the children run or shout in the communal areas

Why do you allow your children be a nuisance in a block of flats? If you don't live in a detached house, you should be considerate for your neighbours! Take the kids to a local park, or to an outdoor activity for a few hours every day, to ensure they are quiet at home. That's what civilised people do.

It doesn't matter if we are in a flat or in house, my kids don't scream and make a racket when they are indoors, they spend enough time outside. I feel sorry for all your neighbours.

Original poster

coily · 27/03/2016 10:24

and we don't let our kids actually play out there but kids are unpredictable especially smaller ones, on the way in and out of the building we can't gag them despite wanting to ourselves sometimes as a concrete block echoes* *

I think you missed this part of my OP catsinthecradle

OP posts:

Lweji · 27/03/2016 10:29

The same problems happen when people buy or rent private flats.

Single people must be more tolerant and people with children must try to get them not to shout or stomp all day.

catsinthecraddle · 27/03/2016 10:33

I've seen a flat where the parents had put a football kit, the one with the folding goal posts, in the communal hall. Apparently it was unfair on the kids that their flat was too small to play inside, they needed peace, and kids will be kids. Too bad for the neighbour who was trying to live in peace when the ball was repeatedly kicking his front door.

That's extreme obviously, but I don't have sympathy for parents who leave their kids be rude and noisy. Some of us manage, so it's not an impossible task to respect your neighbours

SaucyJack · 27/03/2016 10:36

Ignore catsinthecradle OP.

You and your DC have the right to use the communal spaces that come with your flat. As long as you are not allowing them to make excessive amounts of noise, then it's perfectly fine for them to play in and around their own home.

Peace and quiet is not an expectation or a right when one lives in a large block of flats. Tolerance works both ways.

DixieNormas · 27/03/2016 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 27/03/2016 10:41

X post btw. That was to your earlier comment saying kids who live in flats should only be allowed to play in the park cats

Original poster

coily · 27/03/2016 10:44

Every person in my block with DC does not allow their children to play in the communal areas. We simply enter and leave the building via them.

HTH catsinthecradle

I am only referring to children chatting to parents and siblings as they come in or out, running to come in or out, or crying (with the babies and toddlers)

This type of thing makes a louder noise as its a concrete block. Adults realise to stick to low voices even during the day as its echoey.

There is absolutely no "playing" in our hallways

OP posts:

usual · 27/03/2016 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catsinthecraddle · 27/03/2016 10:56

No *SaucyJacks", kids in flats should not be allowed to be running around, jumping and screaming indoors. You have neighbours, it's not right. By the same token, you don't have loud music at 3am, or hoover at 5am.

If you want to make noise 24 hours a day, then go and live in a detached house in the middle of a field. Why should other people suffer because you decided to have children? I have a family btw, and my kids behave - but only because we take the trouble to take them outside enough, they would go crazy if they were kept indoors for hours.

usual · 27/03/2016 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sashh · 27/03/2016 11:10

One of my friends lives in a block that is for people 35+ without children.

The first sign of spring is the guy in the flat downstairs going on to his balcony and shouting rubbish at no one in particular.

Ifailed · 27/03/2016 11:14

AIBU to think the council shouldn't have housed families in blocks of flats with elderly people especially living directly below us?

They didn't 'house' you, they offered you the flat - you took it.

Original poster

coily · 27/03/2016 11:18

Oh FGS cats

I got told off for restricting my DS play by the health visitor as I actually did get rid of any toy that was potentially causing a noise to the neighbour below us when he was a baby - no jumperoo ever though

My DS at 3 is well aware to tiptoe in slippers and told his own grandad off for not using his "gentle feet" the other day in our flat just to give you an idea how hyper aware we are.

I only allow one play date a week in our flat and try and time it when I know the neighbour may be out as best I can - we go to the park for at least 50% of that playdate anyhow other than in the rain.

Because it is a small flat we spend vast amounts of time in the park, luckily one is right next to our block

The person below me isn't actually "elderly" just older, and works nights so sleeps during the day for most of the week.

We only use household appliances during daytime hours (8-8) - no good to the neighbour but I'm not going to stay up to do my hoovering when she's out at work, or wake the kids that live next door sideways by doing housework when their in bed and my DS is too.

I'm extreme in trying to be considerate, OTT actually I feel. I still cause a problem for the neighbour I live above.

And if I had the money to afford "thick carpet" just like that I probably wouldn't be living in council housing. As it happens I do have some carpet (with underlay, just not "thick carpet") plus Iv used the foam playmats. I also if I could just move to a detached house in the middle of nowhere - would happily. But I'm in council housing - so that's clearly not possible.

OP posts:

Original poster

coily · 27/03/2016 11:25

They didn't 'house' you, they offered you the flat - you took it.

This is true Ifailed - but if you refuse a suitable property the council offers you are removed from the list. In their eyes it was a suitable property. I had 7 days to move in and move out of our previous council flat which they deemed unsuitable. It's not like buying a home where you might have time to check out the neighbourhood and the neighbours and decide if you like it.

If you don't take what your offered, you've lost your chance altogether pretty much.

You do bid on properties but you have to bid to stay on the list so it's not like you could say there's nothing I like I won't bid - you just just have to bid on the best of what's on offer that week. If you're offered it and refuse it - your off the list (or possibly dropped to the bottom of it which is essentially the same as being off it - the list takes years and years and years)

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 27/03/2016 11:37

If your kids are not able to play- either indoors or in communal spaces- without jumping around and screaming, then I'm pretty sure that says far more about your own parenting than it does mine.

Queenie73 · 27/03/2016 12:12

It's really easy to judge but it is a horrible situation and it sounds like nobody is happy. I live (in a hovel) in the middle of a field, so it's fair to say I have no idea what it's like to live in a council flat in a city. I did live in flats when I was a child, in Germany. But there was more marble than concrete and the flats were quite solidly built and not at all echoey. I'm sure it's incredibly difficult and I think you should be given credit for trying to keep the noise down.
Perhaps the solution lies in better communication? Could you speak to the people downstairs and say that you don't like how hostile it has all become, and could you work something out? Perhaps sort out a routine where you know what time the older people are going to be napping or especially in need of peace, and what times your children are likely to be unavoidably noisy. Arranging community activities which involve older people and children together might help too- it's less easy to be annoyed by a child who you know than by a random kid you've never spoken to.

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