...particularly with MIL
My default is to be polite, accomodating, feel guilty about saying no.
PILs started massively taking the piss, for example - telling us a few days in advance they were coming to stay for a few weeks, changing things around in the spare bathroom, buying brushes, rollers etc to leave there as it was their bathroom now really. Telling us what to buy, what mortgage to get etc. Pushing for info from me about DH and I'd end up lying or dodging as I was too afraid of seeming rude by saying 'I'd rather not say'. When we refused help, it was why, why why until we backed down.
Anyway, I realised things had to change. Detached and breezy is my aim now, "thanks but that doesn't work for us" or "thanks for suggesting that, we'll discuss it ourselves another time"
But I keep slipping back, they live far away and when they come I find it so hard to be strong.
They are v disapproving and if they don't like something just go "hmmmm" cat bum face and a silence - I have to really fight myself not to fill the silence so it's not awkward.
DH is fine, tells me not to be over accomodating and leave them stew in the silence, they've been kind of mean and disapproving to him the last few years but he still loves them and never really says no to them visiting
They're coming in a few weeks for a week, any tips? Especially with the awkward silence thing...I'm quite chatty and feels it's my responsibility to jolly everyone along but end up talking shit and saying too much 