To be sad I will never be pregnant again?

[KittyandTeal]

I'm 2 weeks after my second loss. Dd2 at 22 weeks, ds at 14 weeks.

I am lucky I have dd1 who is 3.5yo.

There is no physical reason for me to not try again apart from the fact that I am now high risk for trisomies (from dd2) and possibly high risk for unexplained late loss (there seems to be no explaination for ds death, that may change after test results but it's unlikely)

I'm done. I cannot go through this again. I put everything into this pregnancy, tried so hard to engage and reduce my anxiety, did everything right. It was so positive then suddenly he was gone.

I desperately want to give dd1 a live sibling. I desperately want another. The risk is too high. I can't put myself, dh or dd1 through the stress of ttc, pregnancy after loss to possibly end up in this situation. I don't want to keep explaining this to people who flippantly say 'never say never' or 'don't decide now'.

It might not happen, people told me it wouldn't happen a second time.

I'm just so sad. I'm grieving for ds, for the family I won't have and for all those happy pregnancy and baby moments (and I hate being pregnant!). I wish I'd known dd1s firsts would also be lasts. I wish I'd appreciated my normal pregnancy with her and her baby years.

I feel this sadness right down to my core.

Sorry that was long. I think I just needed to get it out.

I had two losses in quick succession. Earlier than yours though. I am now nearly 45 though and I doubt it will happen now. But everyday I look at DS and its worth it. It takes time to come to terms with just being 3 but enjoy your DD and all those lovely moments.

Thank you both.

I think what scares me most is the unexplained loss of ds. Even the doctors were shocked after an absolutely perfect pregnancy up till then. It just says to me that it is highly likely to happen again.

Honey that's exactly how I feel, I've spent dd1s life wishing for easier years, being pregnant or grieving the loss of a baby. For as long as she can remember that's what I've been to her. It's shit and she deserves better. I don't want to put her through all this again.

Thank you sporting. It's good to hear stories of people who have become ok with three. It lightens my spirits a bit

What helped me was learning to live in the moment. Of just almost taking a mental picture for myself of how happy I felt when DS said or did something wonderful or cute etc. I also take a lot of pictures, mainly with my phone to remind me of little moments of joy.

I never found out why I had my losses, they couldn't tell me. But since I was older they thought that might have something to do with it.

I'm sorry for your loss kitty :( it sounds really bloody hard. Be kind to yourself
I think we do all have our limits, well limits we can control x

I am very sorry indeed to hear about these sad losses. It is early days for you and I know it is hard.

You have made a sound decision that means that you cannot expand your family - so you are not only grieving for what has happened but also for what might have been. You need to hang on to the fact that the decision you have made is a wise one; it will eventually free you up to enjoy your DD without the anxieties of further pregnancies.

Grieving for what might have been is quite normal - let it run its course and soon you will be able to enjoy the moment and have fun with your DD.

Life can be tough sometimes, but I always try and think that "One day I will look back on this, and will also have lots of happy memories to counterbalance this sad time."

Take care, be kind to yourself, hug that lovely DD of yours.