(sorry for long post) Ok well I sort of know im being unreasonable... or at the very least unhealthy... I hadnt realised that so many people don't have any contact with their exes. I am in contact with all of mine and would go as far as counting a couple as close friends. Theres only two I have no contact with, one because he was violent to me and another because he just disappeared off the face of the earth.
The disappearing ex is the one I am wanting to contact.
I was 15 when we got together and I left my family who I didn't speak to again until a year after the relationship had ended as they hated him, to live with him. He was only a couple of years older but both his parents died in the first year of our relationship (one to suicide, one to cancer). He came from a very troubled family. We were together nearly 6 years in total and moved halfway across the UK together. Things were very intense between us understandably, we were very young and had a lot of pressure on us. I was from a totally different background and had never worked in my life... I did not know what bills were, I had no idea how to even do the washing up (im not joking he laughed at me for not realising you had to use hot water) and doubtless was a total nightmare stroppy teenager. I look back and am sorry for the added pressure I probably put on him.
We never really properly broke up.... he just started seeing me less and less...we had initially been living together but then he moved to a shared house across the street...... at one point he disappeared for 2 months only resurfacing when he learnt I had been out with someone else... who I immediately dropped for him. He would turn up, sleep with me at mine then leave and go home to his and I wouldn't hear from him for a week or so... at first I would ring him quite often but as he never answered I began to feel stupid so limited myself to calling once exactly once a week. On the occasions where he did turn up to sleep with me I would ask him what was going on etc and he would tell me nothing was wrong, we were still together he just needed space. He started to take a lot of ketamine... not even recreationally but just in the morning after he got up! He was always one of those people to fall silent under pressure. I once had his own sister ringing me to try and get him to ring her. I tried to just get on with my life even though I was very in love with him and I moved in with my friend and got myself a job. But he would just randomly turn up... once randomly called me at 4am off his face sobbing....
Then one day he called me and said he was in a van and was on his way to move to another city..... I told him 'good luck' and I genuinely meant it and then I went and cried.
I was absolutely devastated for years. I would have these awful dreams about him most nights. Of him looking for me or I was looking for him in a crowd.
The thing was that he also disappeared from all his friends lives who were living in the same city as me... and they would ask me what became of him but I couldn't tell them as I didn't know.
I did learn tho that he had told some people that I was stalking him!! Learning that he said that had a very bad effect on my self esteem. I still to this day will not ring or text anyone unless they have contacted me first as I very easily feel like I am invading peoples space. To the extent that people now describe me as cold.
I did in the first few years send him a message with my details like my phone number and address etc and just a line or so asking how he was doing. There were three of these messages in total, one each year. I know he read them because it tells you they have been read but he never replied.
So now its ten years later and I hadn't thought of him very often at all.. until I became pregnant. Now this is not a romantic thing. Im very much in love with my current partner and have been for years. We are planning to get married in October of this year. But for some reason I started thinking about this ex loads when I was pregnant and haven't been able to shake the feeling that I really need to know if hes okay and to find out hopefully that he isn't angry with me or bear me any ill will. Now I know this is pretty pointless as he is unlikely to respond but I wondered if it would be totally loops to send him a message just asking how he was?
I sort of feel like that would be a really stupid and odd thing to do but im also very compelled to do it. Is it unreasonable? Should I just try to forget about it?
I spoke to my partner about it and he said it didn't matter either way really if he wasn't likely to reply and that if I thought it would make me fee better I should have a go. He knows its not a romantic thing but more a need for closure.
You never get closure do you though in reality??