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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Has this woman lost the plot?

48 replies

Jinglebells99 · 21/03/2016 15:54

A woman from a club I go to, announces to us all that she is having a party for all her friends and family before she goes on an extended trip. We all think oh that's lovely. . In the next breathe she asks if any of us would come and wait in the back kitchen to serve teas and coffees for her friends and family for four hours, and not to worry, as we wouldn't need to make any sandwiches. Is it me, or is this rude? Basically inferring we are not good enough friends to attend said party but can act as her minions!

OP posts:

leelu66 · 21/03/2016 16:57

Did you suggest £10ph to her? Well done!

needanewjob · 21/03/2016 16:58

Oh my god this sounds just like a family naming day I went to recently. We were invited to celebrate but actually spent an hour of the hour and a half arty in the kitchen making sandwiches and serving tea! I don't mind helping out but the host had done F**k all to prepare just left it for us unknowing guests to do whilst she swanned around chatting to her 'proper' guests! Glad I wore a posh outfit for the event!!!

ghostoftheMNchicken · 21/03/2016 17:01

Ooh, I would be so tempted to 'misunderstand', and interpret it as a joke, accepting the invitation with lavish thanks: 'hahaha, you are hilarious, pretending to ask me to wait on your friends. As if anyone would be so horrendously rude, right? Of course I'll come to your party. I wouldn't miss it for the world. So kind of you to invite me!'

But then, I am a PA knob.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 21/03/2016 17:01

Good grief. Some people have all the cheek.
I'm wondering if she's related to someone I know.
My Mum regularly plays the piano in for the church I attend. Quite a few years ago Mr Cheeky Person was getting wed in a different church and just assumed my Mum would play during the hymns. Didn't ask, just assumed. She was a bit when he approached with a list of the songs. Irritatingly she agreed to do it even though she wasn't invited. I was similarly "volunteered" to help with some of the food. The first I knew was when I was told of my duties a week before. I was invited at least but I refused to help out.
It was a pretty awful wedding all round to be honest.

Cannotthinkofawittyusername · 21/03/2016 17:03

basically ourblanche summed up what i wanted to say.

Ginkypig · 21/03/2016 17:22

Well my friend (at the time she was more of a work friend) asked the same thing for her husbands (grave) stone setting ceremony.

Me and another person (her friend) were there to help with food teas and coffees wine, but we're not actually guests.

I didn't know her that well at the time but she is one of my best friends now. I think she just didn't realise it was an odd request and she obviously wasn't in a great space seeing as her husband had not long died.

She has never ever asked anything weird again and is very generous All respects regarding our friendship.

I think actually it was a stepping stone from work relationship to personal friendship.

But yes for most people it would be weird!

LifeofI · 21/03/2016 17:53

If she offered to pay me i would of considered it but for free yes its cheeky especially if she isnt a friend

breezydoesit · 21/03/2016 19:17

She has Lady Mary complex. Does she think she's in Downton Abbey?

Lurkedforever1 · 21/03/2016 19:47

I would have said 'yes, I'd love to help. And it just so happens on that day I am minding a dozen local under 8 children and I had been struggling to think of a way to amuse them. Bet they'd love to play waiting staff and play in your house. Oh, and is your garden secure? because my 5 dogs are all at the young and boisterous stage. I'd leave them at home but they're buggers for chewing even when I'm supervising. Looking forward to it'

NotNowPike · 21/03/2016 20:11

Fuck . Ing . Hell
please do it though . Just think of what you could fuck up help with
Sweet smiles all round

Aeroflotgirl · 21/03/2016 20:30

Bloody hell that's rude, I would say say yes it will cost you £10 pH.so she thinks that you have nothing better to do with your time, rude rude rude!

Original poster

Jinglebells99 · 21/03/2016 21:27

The group I see her at, only happens once a month so I won't see her again till third week in April. I think I'll offer to do it for £10 per hour each person, so maybe 4 of us for £160 just to see what she says!

OP posts:

strawberrybubblegum · 21/03/2016 21:50

Ginkypig - that's rather different, and I think most people would be very happy to help out a bereaved colleague. Glad you were able to help her and are now good friends.

Cheesegerm, that is so funny! And really, really awful!!

expatinscotland · 21/03/2016 22:00

Don't do it. Not even for pay. I'm surprised no one burst out laughing, because I would have.

'We were invited to celebrate but actually spent an hour of the hour and a half arty in the kitchen making sandwiches and serving tea! I don't mind helping out but the host had done F**k all to prepare just left it for us unknowing guests to do whilst she swanned around chatting to her 'proper' guests! Glad I wore a posh outfit for the event!!!'

Why did you all do it? I'd have just left the kitchen. But then, I wouldn't have gone to a 'naming day' - wanky in the extreme. They get a name when you go to the registry house to get a birth certificate. If she approached me I'd have just answered, 'I'm not staff.'

People get away with shit like this because others enable them. Just leave. Say, 'No, that doesn't work for me. You need to hire people rather than expect others to work for you for free.'

Aeroflotgirl · 21/03/2016 22:09

Yes please do.

Phalenopsisgirl · 21/03/2016 22:35

That's a bit odd unless the group has some young girls in and she was directing this at them in a 'would you girls like to earn some extra pocket money' type scenario, but actually addressed you all so as not to put them too much on the spot. ?? I can't really see any other way this could be ok. I think fine to invite you all to party but beg some assistance as her friends ( and I know I'm always happy to don some marigolds and muck in with the clear up if I know the host needs some help ) but to talk as though you would be staff is a bit weird

Crazypetlady · 21/03/2016 22:41

Someone's posted this on a cheeky fuckers style thread in classics I can't believe there are more people that would ask😯yanbu

justmyview · 21/03/2016 23:02

I was invited to visit a friend for the weekend, only to discover that she had a date planned and only wanted me to babysit.

Agree that sometimes cheeky people get away with it because we're so surprised we are caught on the hop

Sometimes these requests would be OK if made in a more tactful way. I wouldn't have minded babysitting if I'd been asked

expatinscotland · 21/03/2016 23:04

I'd have left, just. And yes, I've had people do this to me. I had a guy do this and found out I was only there to make a woman he wanted jealous. All sorts of chancers. 'Oh, you only brought me here to use me? For real? Bye.'

GymBergerac · 21/03/2016 23:18

Gah.... people, sometimes they just amaze me!

Remind me of many years ago when I ran a cleaning/ironing service and one of my favourite clients,a lovely elderly lady who had been ill for some time, sadly died.
I arranged childcare for the DS's so I could attend the funeral and when I was asked if I would come to the wake, I called XMIL to ask if she'd mind looking after them for a little longer.

When I arrived back at the house, I was ushered into the kitchen and told to make sandwiches and serve tea to the guests, and then to clear up afterwards. I have to admit I was too stunned to query this (and to be honest, a house full of grieving friends and relatives didn't seem the best occasion to stand my ground) so I just went ahead with it....... When everyone had gone and the cleaning up was done, the daughter duly sent me on my way......I wasn't even offered any payment for my time!

I really was incredibly fond of my elderly client.... But the daughter was something else!!

RockUnit · 22/03/2016 00:00

Say you're having your friends from the club for coffee at the weekend and would she like to be the tea and coffee waitress?

Fatmomma99 · 22/03/2016 00:10

Gym. That's horrible. Poor you. Poor client - what a horrible daughter.

Unlike most of you, I wouldn't be horrified, but my dad was a cater-er, so I've done loads of kitchen skivvying and waitressing and washing up (he always asked me first though, and it was explicit why I was there), but I wouldn't be bothered to do it for a friend, even one I didn't know so well. But I often find parties quite grim, so to attend one but with an actual 'role' to keep me busy would suit me quite well.... I could chat a bit, bugger off a bit, hand round a plate, suss out who was fun, bugger off again. Not a big deal.

The one that hurt me a little bit was at my film club (there are 6 of us), one of us said "save the date, it's my 50th coming up", and I didn't think much more of it, until 3 of the 6 were invited (and proper guests) and the rest of us just weren't. We all felt 'lesser' and that wasn't nice.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2016 07:33

gym beyond rude. The mentality of some people is disgusting. Your client woukd be horrified if she knew how her dd behaved towards you.

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