My parents spilt when i was 3, i saw my dad every other week. I love him to bits but he's not the most talkative person ever, were both on the quiet side, but he's extreme and will only come out of his shell if he's had a pint.
He's Very routine orientated and gets upset if his routine is messed about with, which is annoying to the rest of us, but we just have got used to putting up with it. Everything is about him and his ways, there is no room for manoeuvre with ds's needs or mine.
His partner sadly died a few years ago, up until then we had only spoke on the phone twice a month at most. I was never included in their life together, it was very much them and her 4 children. (who now only send a xmas card for the sake of their inheritance). so to suddenly have him back so much is a complete and utter shock and it's like sitting with a stranger as he doesn't open up or try to chat.
Around the time she passed away I gave birth to my ds, who is now nearly 4. as he was grieving so badly I just wanted to help in anyway he could, he would arrive at 7am some days when id had no sleep and just wanted to go back to bed. he isnt the type of person to just hand over the baby to, he really hasn't a clue and only wants to know about the fun side like taking him the shops for sweets - he thinks thats all you have to do with ds to entertain him. So anyway 3 years on and his visits have progressed to tuesdays, fridays and sun or sat, only mornings, he has to visit between 9.30 and 10 otherwise he wont come out.
He's here an hour max then looks at his watch and says well I best be off. he will hardly chat, i ask him if he has any plans - they only ever include going to the pub to see his mates or going to see his new lady friend, apart from this he has no hobbies. So for 3 years he has come for 3 hours a week, on some occasions he has taken ds out for a walk but is back within an hour, then ds would be asleep so that was pretty much my whole day taken up by him and his visits. on the days I was going out he would usually be here waiting for us when i got back.
Ds is in nursery 2 days a week or I think my dad would be here on those days too. Its not like we have a break from each other and then have something to chat about when he comes again. He has absolutely no clue what to do with ds at all and isn't willing to learn. family members understand my pain and have asked him to take ds up to there's to give me a break but he refuses to put ds in a car seat as he says " I can't learn how to do that at my age". He's so restrictive that I now hate the days I know he's visiting.
Ds will be starting school full time in september so these are the final few months with him where we are free to do what we want and not have a school timetable to stick to, I want to be spontaneous and go for days out if the weathers nice, so my plan is to tell him ds is doing a few more mornings to get him used to school. Dp thinks I'm a bitch and he's my dad and i should just put up with it, but i'm also trying to balance seeing my mum (who is also grieving right now but in no way gets the same attention i gave my dad, because of my dad!) and my in aws who barely get to see ds. and the place ds loves going more than anything is to the in laws house.
he doesnt take note when i say that i'm going to certain places, I get he's lonely but 4 years on I think he should be able to pick up hobbies etc to fill his time. when he's here it feels like he doesn't want to be and I just cannot go on much longer. I missed out on so much when ds was a baby that looking back I wish id done - baby groups etc, for my own sanity. Ive spoke to family members who agree that I couldn't just tell him to stop visiting, he's the type of person it would destroy, but this doing extra days thing would work i think, just dp has had a go at me for being a bitch.
sorry for the long thread but didn't want to drip feed