Okay, my mum confided in me today that a manager at her work has been making her feel very uncomfortable.
A few months ago when he started at my mums work, he complimented her quite a lot & I remember her mentioning how flattered she was, despite them both being married with kids & my mum being about 20 years older than this guy.
They seem to have had a good working relationship as they would go to the work cafe for breakfast together etc.
However, my mum has been really covering herself up lately (I mean she's no hussy, just she started wearing high neck jumpers with a cardigan over rather than round neck shirts) which I noticed as she seemed quite worried about it. She also was in my car the other day when this manager started calling her & it made her quite flustered.
Anyway today she confided that the other day in work, he whispered in her ear that she "looked hot". He also said to her not to worry about her weight because she's got "the chest" & touched my mums boob "accidentally". He has told her not to tell anyone about these conversations. He's also started calling her very frequently which she won't answer. And he's told her if he wasn't married he'd be "after" her.
Now my mum has become worried as whenever this manager comes into her office (she has her own office) he will close the blinds, and shut the door. He hugged her the other day after doing this but put his hands on her waist & she pulled away feeling very uncomfortable. But he pulled her back.
Now my mum is a chatty, bubbly person. However she also has manic depression from living with an EA husband (DF) & she is very insecure, and quite vulnerable at the moment with a lot of other stresses going on.
I kind of feel that this man is grooming her. She said she is worried about being alone with him, is feeling uncomfortable with him & his actions, and is dreading going into work because she is worried about it. But on the other hand, feels like she's encouraged it by feeling flattered originally.
I feel this man is taking it too far, and my mum is known at work for being quite sensitive (someone will criticise her & she will get very upset). But I feel like this is maybe another reason he is sort of "grooming" her, as he can easily turn around & say "oh she's taken it the wrong way again".
My mum didn't want to talk about it much as she knew I'd be quite angry on her behalf & wasn't opening up as easy as she would normally, so I suspect there is more.
She doesn't want to get him in trouble. I think she should log everything with times & dates & make sure she isn't alone with him.
Aibu not to advise her to go straight higher up? I know it would cause her stress but then I feel that she really needs to do something about this. If he's willing to blur appropriate boundaries & make my mum feel uncomfortable; then what other boundaries will he overstep.
And I've just remembered a debate with my mum the other week where out of the blue she asked if a girl was wearing something revealing & had been flirting, and then got raped - would it be the girls fault. I said you could tell a man foul mouthed things that you wanted to do to him, flash him your vagina & wiggle your boobs at him, but if you then said no, it's no & thats rape.
Okay now I'm worrying myself even more.
Help mumsnet. Aibu by giving my DM the wrong advice?