AIBU to not want my Nanna's grave as a cover photo on Facebook?

[BurtMacklinsWife]

My bloody sister! She is 17 and my Nanna died 11 years ago - my sister barely knew her, she'd been unwell for most of my sisters life until she died when my sister was 6.

My sister is - I don't know what 'scene' it is, but let's just say she's drawn towards things dark and tragic. So the other day she went to the cemetery where my Nanna and Grandad are buried, with her friends - took lots of angsty photos of her and her friends sat around the grave and posted them on Facebook, tagging my aunties and relatives.

Then this morning I see that she's made a picture of my Nanna's grave her cover photo. AIBU to find this disrespectful and a bit attention seeking? 😠 My mum doesn't have FB so not sure if she knows.

I would be surprised, but not upset, if one of my niece's posted a photo like this. I might quite like the fact that one of my niece's was still thinking about my mother, and wanting to remember her.

Are you sure your aunt's are upset by this?

YABU

Just because her nanna died when she was 6 does not make her less of her nanna! My great gran (my nana) died just before i was 5, i still remember her and the things we done together even though she was dying from cancer, i have lots of pictures of us together. I often visit her grave and wash it down and put fresh flowers down for her.

If someone doesn't like the picture they can block her. Your aunties don't have to visit your sisters profile.

Have you actually spoken to your sister?

I agree it is inappropriate as it might upset other relatives. It would upset me.

Yanbu but I think you need to sit down and have a chat with her and find out her thoughts/motivations behind her actions and explain why it might be insensitive.
Just because she didn't know her like you did, it doesn't mean she doesn't have any feelings towards nanna. I mean we all have opinions about celebrities despite not knowing them. Our opinions are based on what we've heard or seen from afar.

A friend of mine has done this recently with her mothers grave, all the siblings posed around it, selfie style. I found it very odd but ultimately her mother, her call. I would tell your mother, if she is upset by it she can deal with it, if not just let her go through this phase. She will probably wonder what she was thinking in a few years.

You asked if YOU are BU for BT wanting the photo as YOUR Facebook cover. No you are not. You decide what to use on your Facebook.

But your post though isn't about someone asking you to do the above and you refusing. Actually it isn't about your Facebook cover at all.

It's about someone else's Facebook cover photo. It is their call. It's very very simple to understand.

It's attention seeking and disrespectful.

Presumably the aunts and uncles tagged were your nan's children? Seems really thoughtless and if they are upset she should take it down.

I don't really care whose Facebook page it is or that it is Facebook specifically. If you do something that upsets other people you presumably care about, you would have to be a nasty selfish person to keep doing it.

To take her friends there and take pics. There's seriously something wrong there
Seems attention seeking goth shit

Is a picture of a grave that upsetting? My DF sent my sisters and I a pic recently of the spot where we scattered DM's ashes, showing us how the flowers were coming up, and I thought that was lovely. It didn't occur to me to be upset. Am I an evil goth?

It's a teenage thing! I doubt it will upset anybody.

Tabsicle my take on it is that there is nothing wrong with a picture of a grave per se. In fact I regularly visit one and post photos of the flowers I leave to an FB group - people like to see them and appreciate my putting my photos there. However posing at a graveside for a photo is something that - to me, and it seems, a lot of people - is distasteful and disrespectful, and something I would not do.

Fairly typical for some seventeen year olds, you say she didn't really "know" her grandmother, maybe she curious , has anyone sat and talked with her about her grandmother with her?

Anyone bothered can always block her until she has moved on.

Distract her with challenging her to get a high rating on this website, here Did a mini photo shoot with my teen SiL and her friends, they had great fun.

this is one of those things if you make a fuss she will dig in and it will become a really pain in the ass.

It's the kind of daft thing some teenagers do. She won't see it as disrespectful. Why not ask her why she did it?
I tend to think people get all worked up about graves and death. A headstone is just a monument/marker of a final resting place. I would just think it odd if someone used it as a profile picture. It wouldn't upset me.