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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Autistic? Crazy? Or socially inept?

36 replies

EllieBee45 · 18/03/2016 00:35

I did an online test recently that suggest I may be autistic.

I've always suffered with a social severe anxiety disorder (diagnosed) and sensory issues (undiagnosed). Nearing 30. Nothing diagnosed apart from social anxiety disorder and suggested I have sensory issues.

I;
Have trouble with routine/change
Can't judge depth/width/deal with flashing lights or over stimulation (eg. in the supermarket, with lots of people darting round with trolleys towards me or looking directly at me - I freeze and drop to the floor. Also, I become so self concious during a conversation with just one person, I think they may be able to read my thoughts, or at least be judging every part of my body language that I just freeze and act stupidly.

A year ago I found out my son was ASD with SPD. Other than that, it doesn't run in the family. I was told once by a (2nd year medical school dropout) that they thought I have the milder form of epilepsy (petit mal?) and absence seizures, which was causing this. I do tend to 'freeze' a lot - not sure how to describe it. I can't physically do or say anything, I just sit still for hours... eg. have not picked kids up from school twice as I've felt physically unable to stop staring at the wall, and haven't been able to move (though no fits) but my brain is always active, wanting to do something... I have a masters degree and am academic, but have never been able to stay in a job due to these feelings. I can't describe them really...

Someone suggested I have high functioning autism. But as I've always had great imagination and people reading skills, great imagination for make pretend games as a child... I don't think ASD is the case... I don't take things literally, I understand people's expressions... (as autistic people don't?) I don't think I'm lazy either. The doctor wont give me a clear answer - suggested depression, but I'm not depressed! My eye contact is bad. I can't look at people. But again, that's a potential social anxiety thing and not autism?

Sorry if this is hard to get across.... but has anyone else ever suffered with similar problems to these? I don't know what to do anyone. I seem to spend most of my life online and trying to get out of the real world.

I struggle to get close to people. I've been single for five years, but I have maybe 3/4 friends who I can be 'myself' with.

I don't feel normal. Am I?

OP posts:

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 18/03/2016 11:40

I'd go with physical illness. Social model says that disability is defined by being disabling, and someone can say for themselves if their life is disabled.

Nibledbyducks · 18/03/2016 12:09

I tried to get a diagnosis, but locally the process relies on information from someone who knew you as a child, and I don't have anyone, not everyone can get diagnosed.

Alfieisnoisy · 18/03/2016 12:32

It is indeed far better and more sensible to ask a health professional than self diagnose. The chances are though that the health professional you see will fob you off and you will be no closer to understanding if you or are not on the autistic spectrum. Not surprising then that many DO self diagnose in the absence of any interest from the health professionals in question..

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 18/03/2016 12:34

I went around asking a health professional - i got my referral to cmht by asking my OT

NewYearNewToads · 18/03/2016 12:36

I also have an official autism diagnosis. I am certainly not self diagnosed.

LauraMipsum · 18/03/2016 12:47

Come and join us on this thread OP where you are likely to get support without the snidey disbelief

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnetters_with_sn/2593547-Neurodiversity-support-thread-for-women-with-diagnosed-self-diagnosed-or-suspected-autism-ADHD-etc?

Looly71 · 18/03/2016 12:48

I have petit mal seizures and they can make you more self-conscious. Many years ago I was afraid of answering the phone in work in case I had an 'absence' as it meant that in the space of just a few seconds I wouldn't know who I was talking to, or what about... Even worse when it's face to face and you've just been introduced to someone. Might be worth going to doctor's just to discuss that aspect. I take low-level medication and it has helped enormously.

NewYearNewToads · 18/03/2016 12:48

I second that.

Along with the Mumsnetters with SN topic in general.

MentalLentil · 18/03/2016 13:44

Oooh, can I come too LauraMipsum? I'll assume I can .

LauraMipsum · 18/03/2016 13:56

I think everyone's welcome

ouryve · 18/03/2016 14:06

I don't think the OP was asking for a definitive answer here. I think it's quite normal to want to sound out something you're worried about, especially if you have social anxiety because the thought of talking to a medical professional and being dismissed is almost unbearable.

I got laughed at when I went to the GP after having had enough regarding several decades of physical pain and endless joint injuries. And yes, Amanda, it's something genetic that I realised I probably had when the kids were diagnosed with it. It took a new GP to the practice before I got anything more than a prescription for plucking up that courage. FWIW, the fact that they both have an autism diagnosis did make a lot of other things click for me, too. I haven't sought a diagnosis of my own, since it would be of no benefit to me and I function OK 95% of the time, but I am now able to be a lot more realistic in my expectations of myself in certain situations and I'm better able to forgive myself for eg those times when I need to say something but the words get stuck. Of course, that would be easier for me if people just bloody replied to email instead of me having to chase them up by phone.

Ellie I think your ice breaker with your GP here is the freezing. That would be the priority to have investigated because it's impacting your life in a big, potentially dangerous way (just as an example, I'm feeling rather noise sensitive, at the moment - I went into town, earlier and my ears and head were already hurting from being forced to walk past a bagpiping busker, then a security alarm went off very close to me as I was crossing a road. I managed to get away before the head exploding sensation became overwhelming and muttered myself into calmness. If my own response had been to shut down or freeze, like yours is, I could have ended up being run over). I think you need to rule out anything like any sort of seizure activity before you can safely work on behavioural techniques to reduce this reaction.

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