To not hand my notice in

[1manwent2mowWent2mowameadow]

On maternity leave, due back at the end of may. Contracted hours have been covered while I've been away, this cover has now been employed on a 3 year contract.
Had a meeting at beginning of Feb, gave dates of KIT days and confirmed return date. Asked what hours I'd be working and suggested it'd be good if the hours were more evenings/weekends due to childcare. Boss checking with trustee board (it's a charity)
I have now sent 10 emails asking boss to confirm KIT dates and working hours. I have not had a direct reply from boss, but PA has replied saying it's being looked at.
My feeling is they don't want me back, or don't expect me to come back and thier expecting me to hand my notice in.
However they have until Friday to reply, first kit day is meant to be Monday. If they don't I will be requesting a copy of the grievance policy and starting that process.
I'd rather they made me redundant (or fired me coz I won't be able to get childcare but then I'll go unfair dismissal on their ass)
Or should I just cut my losses and hand my notice in?
Part of me doesn't want them to reply! Slightly sadistic.... But aibu to not back down?!

You do want to change when you work them, even if not the total number of hours.

I can't see how they have discriminated against you or that you have any grounds for a grievance.

Boss asked me what was preferred, I said evenings weekends. In the same way I'd prefer my children to sleep all night. Unrealistic but doable in theory.
I have arranged childcare for my original hours as much as I can.

It just feels a waste to make a formal request when I can wait and see how they want to do it and possibly use fwr later in the year when my family are back in the routine of me working. (It may be in the future I can afford to drop some hours but need to clear maternity leave overdraft first)

Not being deliberately obtuse, sorry. But I do now feel pretty dumb :(

I didn't mean to make you feel like that OPbut surely you can see why we are confused.

You need to bite the bullet and put the formal request in, nothing will change if you don't.

The longer you wait, the more likely it will be you'll get to May and the decision won't have been made yet!

I'm confused. You're saying you don't want to change your hours, then you say that you've said evenings and weekends would be preferred. We're not talking about the number of hours. A change in working pattern is also changing your hours.

Yeah but (bear with me coz I think I'm being v dense) in the original chat when I said I'd prefer evenings/weekends boss said she'd take it to the board, we currently have no opening times beyond 6 so I think pretty unrealistic (hence my new customers/increased revenue bit in latest email)
I only have childcare arranged for one day (Friday) due to spaces and that's an originally contracted day 9-6.
DH has said he'll apply for flexi (good old civil service) so I don't have to pay another day childcare so that's Wednesday covered (or another day)

So..... Do I have to put a fwr in to say I'd like to work Monday wed fri even tho those are my contracted hours, but been off for 1year so don't have guarantee of same days or can I wait to see what days they want me then get DH to book one of those off (grandparents the rest), work that for a bit the do a fwr?
I don't have any preference to what days really, hence why I asked why do I have to do a fwr. I would prefer evenings but know that is probably unrealistic and a waste of an official flexible work request.

OK So you already work Monday Wednesday Friday and you are happy to stick to that existing pattern? If so then you don't need to make a request at all. They are already your contracted hours (which includes days and times). When you return you return on your old hours/times.

I think you're crazy asking to work evenings when they don't open in the evenings. Its a complete waste of a flexible working request. They don't have to change their whole business to accommodate you and they'll just say no.

So back to my original post of how long do I wait for a reply to when I'm expected to work, if they are changing my hours I need to know for childcare but what is a reasonable timescale for this, I've emailed 10 times since Feb and only had replies from pa.
If they are changing other ladies hours surely they need to tell her too? I'm assuming a months notice is needed?
That's why I've not made a formal request, it's more of a 'I'd be happy to if you can find the customers'

You assume they're not changing your hours. You haven't put in a formal request and so assume the status quo. Its not great management practice that they haven't responded to your emails but it's not unlawful and it may well be that they're as confused as we all are.

Sorry OP but this is hard work

I think everyone's confused. Including me, my brain hurts a bit.

Guess I'll keep waiting for them to reply! I'll start a new thread when they do :)
And I'm going to keep job searching.
Kit days are on hold til I hear back from work. Childcare is booked and if I don't hear back I suppose I'll just turn up on start date!!

Had a reply from boss! They are looking at hours and how they can move people around. Yey! might be getting somewhere. However I'm now paranoid they've seen this post. And feeling terribly guilty that I might hand my notice in after all this if I get another job! Back to thinking it might be better to hand notice in now (and around I go again, feel sick with the dizziness of my baby brain not being able to get a straight thought in my head!)

Thanks for everyone's help

OP it's really not as difficult as you're making it seem.

You have contracted hours. They remain the same after maternity leave. If you want the same hours you keep them. You arrange childcare. You should already have done this. If you don't want the same hours you put in a formal written request for different ones. Then your employer says yes or no. If they say no you still gave the right to your original hours. Research it!

FGS don't give returning mothers a bad name with "baby brain" shit.
Just because you've got a baby hasn't rendered you incapable of sorting this out

Somewhat disingenuous to say they've ignored 10 emails and now you mention that there have been plural replies from the PA.
As this only started after a meeting in Feb, this means you've been sending more than a mail a week, and had been replied to at least twice, one telling you it had to go to the board which I would guess isn't the fastest process.
With the first meeting in Feb not even a formal FWR, looks like they're not massively behind track.

What notice they give the other woman isn't your concern. They might not change her at all - they could put you on a different job.

OP you have asked for advice and people have given it but you have changed your mind repeatedly throughout this thread! You have a job, original hours to go back to. Ignore fact another person is there - that's their problem. You have not been in work for at least 17 months so you probably have no idea what is going on! You really have made this very hard work for yourself and if you are being this antagonistic with work I am not surprised they aren't bending over to support you. Stop claiming discrimination - so what if it is (and it isn't) it is only mild and would not get you anywhere. Decide if you want the job or not and stop looking for ways out through redundancy or discrimination claims which you clearly have no understanding of. Most women have the same childcare issues and we have to make decisions accordingly, it is not up to the employer to change their business to meet what you want, if you can't do the hours, and they can't change then you will need to look for a job elsewhere.

OP it sounds to me like it probably would be better for all involved if you did indeed hand in your notice and find another job.

Plenty of industries will have evening and weekend work you can do, hospitality being one.

It comes across very clearly that you don't wish to work there, so don't. It really is as simple as that.

The point of our maternity laws is so women don't suffer discrimination at work because of having children. The fact many other women have to juggle this too isn't the point. Men and people without children on the whole do not, and that is the basis of the discrimination - not the comparison with other women with children.

Don't give up just because it's feeling uncertain. You have a right to that job for good reason. And you have a right to ask for flexible working and a right to look for another job. Plenty of people without your responsibilities do it all the time (especially the looking for another job bit - given their lack of communication and your assessment of their management capabilities that might be a wise move anyway). Drop the guilt. You don't have an obligation to short change your life by not looking for things that work better for you for the sake of your employer.

You want flexible working but won't apply for it properly.

You requested to work flexible hours outside of the hours that the business actually operates.

You don't actually want to change your hours.

You haven't arranged proper child care for your original hours.

If all that is correct you sound a flaming nightmare employee and the beginning of the thread seemed very much like you want to be able to claim a grievance against them and get a pay off not to go back.