... to thinks this is a fair way to split the money? Will related.

[FuriousFate]

Hi, have NC as this could out me.

DF passed away last year. The estate is to be split equally between me and two siblings.

In the past, me and sibling one had been given some money by DF, me towards my wedding and sibling one towards a uni course. For background, my money was a gift, sibling one's was a loan.

As we are in the process of settling the estate, sibling two has commented that we should try and even things out, ie me and sibling one give him the same amount as we have received before dividing the estate into three. This came about after sibling one said he couldn't afford to pay back what he owed (incidentally £5k, the same as I was given towards my wedding). In some ways, the simplest way to resolve this would be for sibling two to have £5K also before the estate is then divided between the three of us.

I'm quite happy to do this in principal, ie me and sibling one could both give sibling two the equivalent of a third each of the £10k DF has given out in total (the cash would all have to be transferred after the estate is settled in reality as the solicitor will only follow what the will says). However, when I told DM and DSF about this plan, they seemed to think it was a crazy idea and not for me and sibling one to even out (not that it is up to them!).

Extra info to avoid drip feeding... Sibling one is now in the process of buying his own place and wants all the money he can get his hands on. Sibling two is very well off and does not really need his share (tens of thousands in the bank). I'm a SAHM so the money would certainly come in handy for me/my family. DM and DSF have also just given sibling two money towards his wedding, and I suspect this is more than I was given by them to account for the fact that DF is no longer around to contribute also (hence their reluctance for me to try and even things out).

So, wise MNers, what is fair? FWIW, I do think this will lead to a fallout if sibling two doesn't get what he believes to be his fair share.

[FuriousFate]

I agree Granny - this is the first time I've ever inherited anything and never expected it to be so complex. The poster who mentioned my children has really got me thinking differently. Whereas before I wrote this I'd pretty much convinced myself that I should do the right thing, I'm now thinking that maybe there isn't a right and wrong and I'd rather put the money away for the children. I am slightly frustrated with DM though as she has not said how much she has given sibling two towards the wedding, was vehemently against me and sibling one trying to even things up, but then in the same breath was very melodramatic about how she couldn't bear anyone to fall out. Interestingly, when it came to funeral arrangements, it was sibling two who was most awkward, wanting to organise everything around his work schedule, despite the fact that I don't live in the UK and have small children and not only needed to organise flights, but also childcare as well. It was also left to me to plan the funeral, with two small jetlagged children in tow... He's a selfish one alright.

[BombadierFritz]

Thought he would be all self self self. Who would bring up a gift from 10 years ago otherwise? Ask him if he will do the same with your mums money and gift you a share of it after she passes on in many years time. Why not get it added to the will in fact if he is so keen? Get him to write an iou

[Cornishclio]

I personally think you should follow your DFs wishes and distribute the estate as he instructed so divide it in 3 equally between you and your brothers. DB2 is being unfair in particular as he is getting money off your DM and SF which I am guessing you and DB1 did not get. Also how on earth would you work this fairly as you got a wedding gift (which as it is a gift should not impact on the estate at all). Presumably your brothers also got gifts from time to time. Where does it stop? Your other brother got a loan which he was expected to pay back presumably so if anyone should take a lower share it is him if he never did pay it back but again if there is no mention of it in the will, legally he does not have to do this. I think your brother is definitely being petty being that he does not need the money.

You say there may be family fallout from this. How close are you to DB? I would imagine if you rarely see him now there will not be any more contact whether or not you comply with his wishes so I would be tempted not to juggle the inheritance around to placate him. He sounds very mercenary so I have the feeling he will be keeping in with DM and SF regardless with an eye on another future inheritance.