Would you be pissed about this??? Family and money.

[FlyingRussianUnicorn]

My grandmother has just died. We weren't particularly close- i havent even seen her since my grandfather died in 2014. Same with all other grandchildren. She hasnt even known who we are since about 2011.

Mum and my 2 aunts will obviously inherit everything. They have made a deal between themselves to give each grandchild £5000.

Except- im not getting anything. Yes I still live at home with board and rent free, but I still could do with the money. My car is fucked, my parents know this and know something needs to be done about it before the problems get worse. Id also like to move out in the next year or so.

AIBU in feeling this is unfair?

[Threesquids]

At the end of the day, if it wasn't written in a will then your mother is doing nothing wrong, so you'll just have to suck it up i'm afraid.

I think everyone here seems to be forgetting that the OP's Mum has lost her Mum!

I don't think her daughter jumping on her for money is going to help.

[SpringerS]

I get the impression that if you were given the money you'd use it as a deposit on a flat and then to supplement your rent and bills for the next few months. Which sounds reasonable until you consider that you only earn £300pm so the 'inheritance' would effectively pay all your living costs. The end result would be that within 6 months you'd be out of money and would have to move back home having effectively wasted a sizable sum of money. So with that in mind I can see exactly why your mum doesn't want to give you the money. I'm sure however that when/if the day comes that you get a job that pays enough for you to effectively support yourself, your mum will give you that money to help you set yourself up. That way the money will go to good use.

[mags2024]

Wills always bring out the worst in families. None of us should have an "expectation" if you get something - great! If your mother and her sisters decided on this gift to the other grandchildren from their mothers estate there must be a reason. Why don't you just ask your mother why you haven't been included. Once you know maybe it will be easier to accept. l cannot believe there is not a piece of the story you do not wish to share - why would your mother create a problem when she shares a house and is prepared to support you.

[itsonlysubterfuge]

Why have you lost your DLA and ESA? Did you not appeal? If you do have genuine mental health issues that prevent you from working, then you should be getting help and on benefits. Is it because you are getting better and don't need them anymore?

[HazelBite]

I can see how this feels unfair to the OP and also her perception of the treatment of her brother.
BUT I can see also see things slightly from her Mother's point of view. I have 4 DC's 3 are adults and self supporting, plus one (also adult) who lives at home (rent free) and is pretty directionless. Yes he has had a lot of emotional and mental problems in the past, but can work, but seems to lack motivation and is terribly in debt.
All of my Children I have helped out financially one way and another but cash wise the one still at home has been baled out financially by me on more than one occasion.
If (I can hope)i were to win the lottery or come into some money I would obviously like to treat my DC's but I would hesitate with the one still at home, as I really think he needs to be able to stand on his own two feet before he is allowed anything further and to show some sort of responsibility.
I would imagine (from what the OP says) that her Mother is probably of the same mind set.
Its not about her brother being treated more favourably, she is being treated as her DM feels is suitable bearing in mind her circumstances and how her life is at the moment.

[22sailors]

If you are irresponsible with money then I'm afraid i wouldn't give you a large amount. In the not to far distant future I think you will realise just what a gift parents are and maybe stop,and think whose fault it is that your relationship is fragile. If you pay no rent or keep why can't you afford to get your car repaired do,you spend too much on material things rather than think things through. Perhaps you should forget about the car and repair the fragile relationship with your parents while you still can plus make a determined effort to solve your MH issued before they become a lifetime problem. It's hard but definitely possible with determination.

[Enix]

I would definitely not be upset by getting the money and usually I am for fairness between siblings.

There doesn't appear to be a will so it's fully up to your mother and aunts to make a decision. From what you say, you get enough support (definitely financial) from home and to be honest I think it is greedy of you if you were to come out and ask where your portion of the money is.

Why? Your mother has just lost her mother after at least 2 years of crippling illness, which would obviously be heartbreaking for her and the aunts. That amount of money will not help you move out and fund living independently so it would/should go back to those who have given you so much. I get that you do help out as part of living there rent-free but tbh that's really to be expected. A parent-child relationship or indeed any relationship is give and take.

If there is any favouritism between siblings, it's obviously long-established and what can you do about it? Nothing. The fact that you don't see that you should be giving your mother emotional support is already indicative of the strained relationship.

Personally, I always think inherited monetary decisions should be left up to the next of kin - you're a grandchild so you should not feel obligated to share a portion even if the other grandchildren get some. What was a mistake on the aunts and your mother's part was letting you know, but maybe they thought it was better being upfront rather than a cousin or brother saying something about their portion.

Perhaps just focus on your life, getting longer hours or a different job when you feel you're ready. Getting independent is a struggle for a lot of people, so good luck.

[chocorabbit]

Mymble if your DH is supporting you now I am sure that your parents do appreciate it.

Where I come from there are unfortunately hardly any benefits for people with health problems and none whatsoever for mental health problems and certainly, absolutely no housing benefit. While I am sick to the stomach about "undeserving" people "cheating" and benefit "scroungers" spread by politicians and the media to deflect from real problems like multinational corporations, every school to become an academy etc. here many people take it for granted that parents should kick their children out of the house as soon as they reach 18 and the tax payer should bear the cost of them living independently when they can't earn enough. I agree with Lea about the morality of all this when you are young and can't earn enough yet or disabled or in a really bad luck in your life, certainly not like the middle aged Italian man whose parents had to bring the court to kick him out Benefits should be for people who genuinely need it not because you are a teen who wants to live independently because you want to have parties, get drunk, bring BF/GF round, you name it.

OP, you can only ask your parents as we don't have the answers. I always speak to my parents (there is no way to keep my mouth shut) but never about money (and they have helped me enormously but wouldn't ask them anyway). But don't expect anything from them. Learn to live with this unfairness as it happens to everyone's family unfortunately. Although it's very bitter, I have witnessed a great deal of financial unfairness in my and DH families. The very close family to us who were wronged NEVER EVER even questioned anything which they deserved let alone demand it. They never questioned. Some have done well, others have struggles. Although some more distant relatives even involved the police

[hoochymama1]

All the best to you FRU

Two of my ds also live with me, one 19, the other 26. Both have had MH issues, have meh jobs at present, pay me proportional rent, which makes them feel like they have a right to live in my house at present. I love them, but I am looking forward to the day when they move the fuck out

Your mum has her own reasons, she is probably pretty devastated at the moment by the loss of her mum, and her illness for the last few years.

It sounds like she has done a lot for you, and loves you to bits. Imho having adult children in the house is a heck of a lot harder than just giving them money. Don't resent other people in the family, it's not worth it. They probably feel that you have had preferential treatment too!

It sounds like things are going well for you, job, driving licence, better MH. Things that you achieve for yourself are so much sweeter than hand outs. Build on this now, life will get better.

[smallone]

Could your mum be keeping it to one side, with a view to giving it to you at a later date? Perhaps she doesn't want the money to be lost on living expenses, but would rather she could give it for you to buy something big in the future?

[jlivingstone]

Take the hint, grow up and learn to live on your own to feet.

You've given the odd token payment but have recieved food, rent, utilities, car, tax and insurance (obviously too mentally sick to work but not enough to have your own car!) and I assume your Mum's sick of handing you money. You'll hav had far more than £5k off her already.

goes off mumbling about children today

[EssentialHummus]

Livingstone, which part of "I have been unable to work for 5 years due to Quite severve MH issues" (page 1) informed your assessment, exactly?

Incredibly insensitive post.

[NotCitrus]

Are you on any means-tested benefits? If so, your mum may be doing you a favour as if you suddenly had £5000 in savings, that would be the end of the benefits.

You need to speak to your mum and aunt - it could be your mum is saving it for you for when you're better and will need it, or she may be being unfair and favouring your brother, but currently you don't know.

[NatalieMc82]

OP I really feel for you.. MH issues and low self esteem can go hand in hand so I'm guessing this has hit your self confidence harder than it would some on here. You feel rightly or wrongly that you have been unfavourably treated. I genuinely don't know what your mother's reasons are but I can empathise with how it makes you feel. Are you seeing a counsellor that you could talk this out with face to face? The Internet can be a harsh place and I imagine some of these replies will have hit you hard. AYBU? I don't know. But I still wish you all the best.

[iMogster]

Getting free rent and living costs for years is worth more than £5K. Your Mum is putting you up and not having her house to herself, she sounds great. Give her a big hug and forget about the money.

[MummaB123]

Personally I think no matter what you decide to do with it, you should be given your fair share. We had a similar situation in our family where our parents' invested some money for us that they had inherited, but my auntie and uncle spent on themselves, rather than their children, despite being told that was our grandparents' wishes.
I would just 'mention' to my aunties that it's lucky for all the others that they will be getting a bigger share as you are not getting any, and see how they respond. If they know nothing of it, where is your share going? I don't think it's fair that it goes on back-rent personally!

[jlivingstone]

Livingstone, which part of "I have been unable to work for 5 years due to Quite severve MH issues" (page 1) informed your assessment, exactly?

Incredibly insensitive post.

That didn't "inform my assessment". It had an influence on it.

Her mother obviously doesn't want to give her the money, hence my "take the hint".
The OP would like to go on holiday to Australia, she can drive around all day ("100 miles"), she wants to live by herself but she can't work? Something doesn't add up.

She's unhappy her parents haven't fixed the car they bought her (and I have no idea why she needs it), she lives at home, is fed and watered and wants to ask her grieving mother why she isn't being given more cash!

She very much does need to grow up as everything she's said smacks of immaturity. Perhaps it's the immaturity and sense of entitlement that's meant her mother has held the cash back.

FWIW, I once took a morning off work when I arrived and realised I hadn't taken my lithium. Besides that, I've always worked. Sometimes it's hard, but that's life.