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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want parents of children with headlice to be told??

140 replies

Elouie · 15/03/2016 17:49

We have been going round in circles with headlice for about 6 weeks now.

Our school have a policy of issuing a letter to all in the class when a case is confirmed but won't tell a parent directly that their child has them!

My children now have dry scalps and dandruff on account of the amount of rubbish I've been treating them with.

If they were spotted on my child I would want to be told.

It's just a vicious circle and I'm a bit sick of it.

OP posts:
Sighing · 15/03/2016 18:46

You treat a child if they have them. Your child has nits so you ARE the parent of a child with nits. You then MUST retreat (generally more than one cycle). So the constant reinfection isn't a n other child .... it's the remaining live eggs in your / your child's hair.
If you don't retreat then don't be surprised when in 2-4 weeks a teacher sends a letter because a child (yours) keeps scratching all day.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 15/03/2016 18:49

Why don't we get the children with headlice to stand at the front of assembly and then the other kids can point and laugh?

Or make them wear a big badge?

Either way, it is no good humiliating the children. It is not their fault if they don't get treated. Some children have parents who just don't care, who still wouldn't care if you gave them a personalised letter, spoke to them face to face, sent them a text. They don't care. That's a sad fact. Children like this are generally known to the school they attend already, social services may already be involved. Children being neglected have enough to deal without being singled out by adults who are moaning about having to treat headlice.

I've got three kids. They've had lice. Me and my siblings had them growing up. Yes, they're a pita but my parents treated us and I've treated my kids. It's not the end of the world. I also work in a school and know which children aren't looked after properly. It's heartbreaking. I would never want to single those children out any further than they already are.

Shame on some of you for suggesting children be sent home or singled out with letters.

Canyouforgiveher · 15/03/2016 18:54

if a child had lice in my kids' school, he/she was sent home (the norm was to tell your classmates you were feeling ill) after the parent was told the child had lice/nits.

All other children in the class were also checked. Also if the child had siblings in another class, they were checked too.

Everyone got a letter home saying nits/lice had been found in a child in the class and giving information on how to check/treat (combing is far more effective than chemical treatments - lice are resistant to most of them).

All the children in the class were checked the next day.

They usually did a check the first week back in school too.

It kept outbreaks to a minimum because they were dealt with promptly and everyone knew to check.

easydiy · 15/03/2016 18:54

Dc have never had them even when there has been letters constantly sent out. Either they spend all their time at least 10 foot away from others or the Alberto tea tree and mint shampoo works.

Original poster
Elouie · 15/03/2016 18:55

I don't treat unless they have them but have been vigilant and am treating when they are spotted.

I accept my children have had them. I don't agree however that the reinfestation is just more eggs in my child's hair that haven't been targeted.

I have treated them on the appropriate recommended cycle and at the moment they are lice and egg free. There are currently children at the school that have them and therefore the likelihood is that they will reoccur by being passed on.

OP posts:
easydiy · 15/03/2016 18:56

Maybe we should bring back the nit nurse, ahhh it takes me back...

bettyberry · 15/03/2016 18:56

stop using chemicals on your kids heads if they are getting sore and dry!

Combing with a lice comb was a daily task for me growing up. It was the only way to keep them at bay. Its all part of having kids tbh. I do it as much as I can with my DC now (one has sensory issues and loathes it with meltdowns over it) Never used a chemical to kill them. There is no need unless you have a severe infestation.

Singling out kids doesn't help. If they have lice and they've been sent home it opens them up to potential bullying. Kids are smart, they'll know.

Also, lice aren't particularly pleasant but please. Its not a life threatening condition and all part of being human.

Canyouforgiveher · 15/03/2016 18:57

what is so humiliating about sending a child home who has lice? Surely it is no more humiliating than being sent home with a tummy bug. Nearly every child gets lice at some point - it isn't about cleanliness or care it is just luck and the way kids play together with heads so close.

If you teach people how to treat properly and support them (our school nurses were very helpful for children whose parents found it difficult) then you can eliminate outbreaks easily.

Original poster
Elouie · 15/03/2016 18:59

Lilac. I'm not asking for the children to be singled out and made an objection of ridicule. I'm more cross about this need to protect parents feelings and for gods sake don't tell the parent that something isn't right.

However I completely take your point about vulnerable children and for that I accept IABU.

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/03/2016 19:00

DS school often sent a general letter home with information about treating lice.

Most parents didn't realise that this meant a child in your DC class lice ... Please check

Once this was pointed out - problem solved.

They are a pain - and yea schools could be more pro-active

IE ... We have lice in school ... Please check.

A child in DD class had a Mother Earth type mother who believed in the natural cycle of lice and kids didn't need to be treated - think the HT put her right!!

LilacSpunkMonkey · 15/03/2016 19:03

what is so humiliating about sending a child home who has lice? Surely it is no more humiliating than being sent home with a tummy bug.

Hmm

You are joking, aren't you? Despite all evidence being to the contrary, lice are still seen as 'dirty' and, by extension, the child is seen as 'dirty'. Children don't get picked on for having a tummy bug, they do get picked on for having lice.

bigbuttons · 15/03/2016 19:04

It' safe to assume that they are always lice around and not wait for a blooming letter.

Stanky · 15/03/2016 19:09

Mix half a small bottle of tea tree oil (less than £1 in Wilkos), into a cheap bottle of baby shampoo.

Also mix a few drops of tea tree oil with a product to coat the hair before going to school. The coated hair prevents lice.

PommelandCantle · 15/03/2016 19:13

I hate live with a passion and have been itching the whole way through this thread. I totally get the vulnerable children thing but if you think keeping them at school when you can SEE them crawling through their hair is going to less likely to encourage bullying than having a word with the parents them that's bonkers. No wonder UK has the highest lice infestation rates in Europe by quite some way!!! I did not grow up here. I had lice once and was off school for a week. It was not common when I was a child. My DC have never had them and hope to goodness they never do!

Canyouforgiveher · 15/03/2016 19:13

You are joking, aren't you? Despite all evidence being to the contrary, lice are still seen as 'dirty' and, by extension, the child is seen as 'dirty'. Children don't get picked on for having a tummy bug, they do get picked on for having lice.

No not joking. I've had the call from friends saying "sorry but check yours out X has lice". Usually apologetic because it is such a pain but no feeling of you'll think I'm dirty or neglectful or anything.

It was the norm for my children to be checked over for lice by the school nurse so no one was being singled out. If a child had them, he/she wasn't the only one.

I've heard of kids picked on for all sorts of things but I've never seen a child picked on for headlice - and I've been through many bouts in schools. Nearly everyone gets them at some point and most people, including kids, where I am know this. You are expected to get rid of them though.

YellowTulips · 15/03/2016 19:19

The issue I have with not telling the parent of an infected child to not single the child out is that it doesn't actually work.

When DS was at primary there was a child with persistent nits that kept infecting others.

All the kids and parents KNEW which child it was. She was literally crawling with them.

She WAS singled out by the kids who didn't want to play with her yet the school refused to speak to her mother.

In the end another mum told the mother aside and had a word as gently as possible - basically saying she could see there was a problem and could she help.

Upshot the kids mother was just doing a treatment without any combing - assuming it worked and then thinking her DD was getting re-infected rather than the other way round. The "kind mum" went over with a nitty gritty comb and a bottle of listerine and showed her what she needed to do every day until her DD was clear.

Problem solved....

unlucky83 · 15/03/2016 21:17

The thing is if you don't talk about them it makes them shameful - and we all know they aren't.
And it means that children just keep cross infecting each other (feel the same about thread worms). If we had a lice day where everyone checked and treated their DC -but I guess not every parent would/could ...or got Nitty Nora back - they'd be present in much lower numbers and less of a problem. And of course teachers/schools should be able to tell parents...I know one teacher who was reading with a child and one fell off their head onto the book...the teacher wasn't supposed to mention it...but the child (5ish) must have and their parent came to speak to the teacher about it the the next day.

The neglected/not treated child is a really difficult one - I guess they need more support from social services. I worked in a primary school and we had one family who were infested (mum had some learning difficulties, dad not around) and all the other children and parents knew (and were complaining, I guess with reason, and telling their DC to keep away from them) - you could see them crawling in their heads, even in their eyebrows. HT tried to support the parent, personally bought treatment for them, explained to the mum what she needed to do (several times) - would have treated the children for her if they could....in the end had to give the parent an ultimatum - treat, get help to treat or I will have to exclude until they are treated...all of them (inc the 7yo girl) turned up the next day with shaved heads -even their eyebrows..Sad

Artandco · 15/03/2016 21:20

My children's school has a policy where they will be sent home if any live seen and can't return until all completely gone. Neither child has ever had lice so far so seems a good scheme as if anyone found one they would have to elimate straight away or child can't go to school

dementedpixie · 15/03/2016 21:55

I think that's terrible as you can't be sure they are all gone until the end of the lifecycle which is over 2 weeks. Are they really suggesting they stay out of school for that amount of time?

PicInAttic · 15/03/2016 21:59

In our LA, we're not allowed to send children home due to head lice. We do do the generic letters and texts but also speak specifically and directly to the parents involved who we suspect won't treat. If we notice lice and nothing is done about it, our conversations become more explicit as it's then treated as a safeguarding/child protection issue - potentially a sign of neglect or a family in need of practical support.
As far as I know, there is nothing in any legislation that prevents school staff speaking to individual parents about their children's heads!

feckitall · 15/03/2016 22:00

We had this when DD was young...a child in her class literally crawled with them..
Those who say that children shouldn't be singled out and sent home etc..is it any different if you don't notify or take action..the child will STILL have them...will STILL get teased if the lice are visible. The child is being left open to ridicule by not dealing with it firmly.

MinecraftyMum · 15/03/2016 22:16

I had an argument with the HT a few weeks back over lice.

Ds2 had them so I told the school, only to be told that they couldn't tell anyone Hmm

It's ridiculous. Whichever kid passed them to ds2 would still be running around with them, as well as the kids that ds2 had probably already passed them to, and they'd all just keep infecting each other.

I told the head I wasn't prepared to keep treating ds2 over and over and after much persuasion they sent a very generic text out saying it was the time of the year for headlice so please keep a watch.

I announced that there were headlice in the class to the whole group of parents at the door the next morning. Bloody stupid rule.

IloveAntbuthateDec · 15/03/2016 22:22

YANBU. Everyone knows who the lice carriers are. Why the fuck don't the school just make sure the parents know and tell them to treat the headlice or their child will be excluded from school until they have been treated and their hair is clean.Why does every child have to be put at risk of having headlice just because there are a few mums who think headlice is "normal" and refuse to treat??

MinecraftyMum · 15/03/2016 22:30

Everyone knows who the lice carriers are

That's nonsense.

miraclebabyplease · 15/03/2016 22:36

Our policy is we can send home any children where we see anything live. They can return as soon as they have been treated so are free to return within a couple of hours.

I also have a quiet word with any parents of children who i have seen itching a lot. Some then deal with the situation, some don't. In the past I have gained permission and done the children's hair myself when it has gone on for too long.