to leave my job because I can't cope

[Becca1818]

I returned to work in October last year after being on maternity leave.
I started full time but reduced this in January to four days a week as full time was too much and I felt like I didn't get to spend any time with my baby.

I'm still not coping with working and everything else that goes along with it. I know there are loads of working mums out there I just can't do it.

Me and oh argue all the time because we struggle to be organised enough in the mornings. My lb doesn't sleep very well at night and so I'm permanently shattered.

The job itself is stressful and I usually end up working late anyway, luckily oh picks up ds from nursery and does drop off but only because I start work at 8am.

So Aibu to leave my job? They won't reduce my hours any more and I just don't know what to do for my own sanity.

Depends. Can you afford it? Would your oh support it? Would you want to go back when your child is at school, how feasible is that?

If the answer to the first two is no, can you look at changing jobs?

He supports my decision because he can see the affect its having on me and us. But he wouldn't be able to cover my outgoings (car, phone etc).

I want to work just part time jobs in my area seems to be like gold dust and badly paid.

I get working tax and child tax credits currently because I was made redundant whilst pregnant and then on Mat leave.

This is a new employer and they have been so accommodating so far.

I just don't know how to make things easier.

Can you cut back your outgoings?

My sil hates not having two cars, but it's impossible to afford two while she is a sahm. Very few people can afford to be a sahm and still maintain the same level of spending.

Money needs to be joint money. Regardless of who earns it. So both of you need to look at where you can cut back.

Honestly though if you aren't married, sahm is a very precarious position to be in. You and oh need to be on the same page re finances.

Is there any specific reason why they won't let you cut your hours more? I'd speak to my employer and see what the options are. I'm on maternity too and hoping to cut my hours back when I return to work and then increase them again in a few years time. My employer has been pretty good knowing that this what I want to do but it's a big organisation that can sustain it.

It does get easier, I promise! Both times I went back after maternity leave, the 1st year was the worst.

To make things easier for myself, I did the following:

• shower the night before, not in morning
• all clothes, lunches etc prepared the night before & laid out
• had a canteen lunch or microwave meal at work so only needed soup/sandwich stir-fry in evening.
• caffeine in the afternoon at work to keep me awake

Also look at your workload; in my experience employers don't downsize full-time roles for 4 days, just expect the same work in that time.

If you can hang in there a bit longer, it does get easier.

Op, i don't know what size company you work for but is it worth asking if there are any job share opportunities or part time positions, even if it's not immediate? I can see your point regarding your boss as you've taken a full time job then asked to drop a day so iay not be possible to drop another but you can only ask.

I agree it gets easier, but if you really want to make a change (which is totally understandable I have just done so) I would get yourself something else lined up. To leave knowing you can't cover your expenses would in my mind be unreasonable, and will ultimately be more stressful. Focus on finding the work you want, once you have that, then leave.

In the meantime sauvignon's advice is great

you could throw yourself at the mercy have a chat with your boss. They may be able to work something out for, say 6 months? WFH, job share etc?
Failing that, give up the phone and other unnecessary luxuries for a while & maybe take a part time job in retail.

OP, have you looked at public sector jobs on your area? Schools, unis, NHS? They are normally brilliant for part time, particularly admin type jobs. If you have no admin experience retraining is normally relatively cheap and quick.

I'm new to the role and have very limited support and I am client facing so it's really stressful not knowing what I am doing and with no one to help me.l, I'm behind with a lot of work because I'm struggling.

I'm only contracted until the end of May so maybe I just ride it out and then find something else in the mean time.

I just feel like I am doing a shit job at work and then I get home and feel like a crap mum because I'm stressed and been at work all day.

I personally wouldn't risk being jobless and unmarried. My SAHM friend was recently cheated on by her DP and although they broke up I think she'll go back to him as she's skint as he isn't giving her much and she hasn't worked in ages so will find it hard to get a decent job.

It's very hard going back to work after mat leave but it does get easier plus as you said the contract ends in a few weeks anyway. Your next contract could be much easier.

If it finishes in May, do try and finish the contract. It's only six weeks away, and it will look so much better when you're looking for other roles.

What do you need help organising at home? I get everything ready for the morning the night before so we just have to get up and go.
How much assistance at home do you get from DP? Has DP become used to having you do everything because you were on maternity, and is reluctant to share the burden again?

Thank you for all the advice.

I know I should stick it out really.

As a new employee they have been so understanding about needing to take extra time off for child care reasons and I don't think that's very common so I should be grateful.

I'm also earning the most money I ever have so again should be pleased.

I guess I need to work on getting my work/ life balance right and do some of things you have suggested which if I'm honest I haven't been doing because I'm tired.

There's the option to extend my contract potentially so should be grateful for that.

I could have written your post a few months ago. I also started a new full time job after mat leave. I feel like I am doing a shit job at work and home. I miss my baby enormously and have no quality of life Monday to Friday ( my life is just work, commute, toddler wrangling and the collapsing into bed). It got a little easier when her sleeping improved around 16 months but it is still a shitfest. So I don't have any answers but I do empathise.

Dh and I both work full time-he does shifts and I'm a teacher. And I have days when I cry simply because I'm so exhausted and the house is such a tip. Things i do to make it easier:
Get a cleaner
Use online food shopping/moon pig for birthday cards and Amazon for birthday presents. Anything that can cut down on family admin is a bonus.
Lay out all clothes the night before
Have enough work and nursery clothes so you only need to do laundry at the weekend. I then sort out 5 work outfits on a Sunday evening.
Meal plan and cook meals that last 2 days: eg spag bol, chilli so you make double and eat it two days in a row (with different accompaniments if you like)
Good luck-it does get easier

Is your dh also tired?

Posted too soon!

Are you sharing the night shift and all the household chores equally?

Lower your expectations too. Buy decent convenience food for dinner, leave nursery bag packed by door at all times.
Lay out clothes, shoes coats. Above all keep telling yourself that you have years to be have a tidy house and now isn't it.
At weekends or days off Dh and I wil agree on a task to do each, clean a room, Hoover the house, what ever, then we do nice stuff. Life really is too short.