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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going to the gym after a funeral

51 replies

TrixieBlue2016 · 13/03/2016 22:31

A colleague at work DM died last week and the funeral is tomorrow afternoon. Most of our team is going to the service but not the wake.

I usually go to the gym after work. However I mentioned the funeral to my DSis who thinks going to the gym 2 hours after a funeral is bad form. A social no no.

Aibu to go anyway?

OP posts:

VimFuego101 · 13/03/2016 23:34

YANBU. I have been to work colleagues funerals but didn't hang around for food/ mingling afterwards, just went back to my day. Tell her you'll wear black to the gym

lorelei9 · 13/03/2016 23:38

Oh go
I'd even see why you'd want to go after the funeral of someone you were close to, whenever I leave funerals I want normality.

In this case you are showing support to someone anyway, you sound like a very kind colleague.

ouryve · 13/03/2016 23:39

If you're in the habit of going to the gym, it would be a good way to let off steam, I think.

We had to pick DS2 up from school and just get on with life, after FIL's funeral, last month. We popped to Tesco (and picked up some beer).

And in that context, a good adrenaline dispersal at the gym is no more inappropriate than having a skinful, which so many people do.

Trollicking · 13/03/2016 23:53

YANBU and your SIL is being weird.

WanderingTrolley1 · 14/03/2016 00:02

Go.

CallMeExhausted · 14/03/2016 00:03

I went to the gym after the funeral of someone close to me. I needed to work off the stress.

Do what you feel seems right.

Topseyt · 14/03/2016 00:42

I can't see the problem with going to the gym if you want to.

You are going to the funeral to show support for your colleague. If it was the funeral of a close family member of your own then your sister might have more of a point, but it isn't.

What you do two or three hours afterwards is up to you.

curren · 14/03/2016 07:15

Even if it was someone close I don't think it's bad form. Lots of people use exercise as a form of release. People go for runs to clear their head.

No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do.

Quite honestly she is being weird.

If you jumped up mid service and said 'ever so sorry I have to make my 3pm Zumba class so I am off now' I could see her point.

MajesticWhine · 14/03/2016 07:21

YANBU. What else would she advise. Dont have a cup of tea, watch the tv, check your emails? Dsis is being odd.

Kr1stina · 14/03/2016 07:44

YANBU

Phalenopsisgirl · 14/03/2016 07:50

You are pausing life to remember the dead.....at the service. Once that is over life has to carry on. If you were skipping out on the wake ( and the family had expressed a wish that you attended it) to go to the gym instead then that would be poor, but unless they really want you to go then absolutely no need to.

QuestionableMouse · 14/03/2016 07:53

hollieberrie, when do you feel that normal life should resume? How would you feel if the op was going to the supermarket?

I'd go to the gym. There's nothing disrespectful about going ffs. It's not like you're doing your exercise on top of the coffin!

whois · 14/03/2016 07:55

How odd. Do whatever you want afterwards!

merrymouse · 14/03/2016 07:59

If you were grieving it would still be fine to go to the gym. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. However, you are going to the funeral of somebody you didn't really know to support a friend.

I think it would be more offensive to make a big song and dance about pretending to spend the rest of the day mourning. You don't have to be at a funeral to remember that people die.

JennyBunn · 14/03/2016 08:02

It's my dad's funeral next week. I can honestly say that I wouldn't care if someone went to the gym afterwards. You'll have paid your respects and that's that.

Life goes on.

Organon8 · 14/03/2016 08:12

Is this really an AIBU?

NinaSimoneful · 14/03/2016 08:30

You're going to the funeral to pay your respects. I don't see how it matters what you do after the funeral. Whether that be a pub, a gym, grocery shopping, hairdressers etc. As long as you behave appropriately and respectfully at the funeral of course.

ohtheholidays · 14/03/2016 08:35

YANBU and I think it's really kind that your going to the funeral to offer your support OP.

diddl · 14/03/2016 08:36

"My DSis thinks you should 'pause life' to remember the dead."

That's what the funeral is for!

Tbh my mum's wake turned into a bit of a party, so there wasn't much pausing of life even then!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/03/2016 08:47

Trixie yanbu. Going to the funeral is showing your colleague support and what you do afterwards is really your business.

JennyBunn Sorry for your loss.

Foginthehills · 14/03/2016 08:55

You could argue that by living a good life and looking after yourself, you are honoring the dead person by living well. I don't mean the drinking & eating kind of "living well", but the care for yourself and your life by honoring the health of your body. Dedicate the gym session to the memory of the person who's just died.

That all sounds awfully pi. Not meant to, but just that there's faux "respect" which is all about meaningless ettiquette. What you should do for show.

And then there's actual respect for the living and the dead. Offer up your gym session in that way.

PiecesOfCake · 14/03/2016 10:17

Agree that for tension & stress relief exercise is cathartic; it's probably a very good way to help you cope after a funeral.

chilledwarmth · 14/03/2016 11:32

I agree with what others have said about the gym relieving stress. Funerals bring all sorts of emotions rising to the surface. You need a way to clear your head and let off any steam, going to the gym really helps with that so I wouldn't see it as wrong.

Savagebeauty · 14/03/2016 11:38

I went to a rock concert the night of my mother's funeral

SohowdoIdothis · 14/03/2016 12:16

Is your sister very superstitious religious?

Have you asked her what else is on the list of not to do after a funeral.

I cannot see any reason why exercising is disrespectful, unless you plan to do pull ups in the vestry of a church during the service.

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