To not want another child?

[coveredinhopeandvaseline]

I'm 32 years old, have a lovely little 6 month old baby boy who I adore (first child) but I'm thinking there's no way I could do this all again.

My body is a mess, my house is a mess, I feel knackered all the time. The thought of getting back in shape and getting organised only to turn round and do it all again is so daunting...especially the tiny baby phase of 0-3 months.

DH is an only child, I'm from a huge family. He thinks our DS will be too lonely without a sibling, as he was.

I love my baby to pieces and the thought of the future with him is exciting but really don't know if I could be arsed having another child.

Is it ok to feel like this, or do I just feel this way because I haven't come out the other side of babyhood yet?

My daughter is nearly two and the thought of going back to the newborn stage terrifies me. I wasn't a fan of that stage at all, she's much more fun now. Everyone keeps asking me when we are having another one etc. Tbh, we couldn't afford the nursery fees, but that aside, I don't think I'm bothered and feel guilty for saying that.
Do what's right for you.

My DD was a very easy baby and I would have thought i'd be eager for another by now but the toddler stage is proving a bit more challenging and I'm starting to think that I'd be OK with her being an only. She is in the throes of the terrible two's atm and sleeps much worse now than when she was three months old. I sometimes feel broody for the tiny baby stage but can't imagine wanting to do this bit all over again. I suspect I might feel differently if she ever starts sleeping again.

You feel the way you feel. There are no rights or wrongs about it. You might change, you might not.

I did not enjoy the newborn to three month stage. Not at all. It was a total culture shock, and especially hard first time around. Perhaps even more so if the birth itself was a particularly traumatic one. I can totally understand someone never wanting to revisit that.

I had three babies in the end, all girls, all planned and with about three and a half years between each of them. After each one I said "never, ever again". Looking back, it was only after DD3 was born that I knew I really meant it this time.

There is no rush to make any decisions now and nobody should be pressurising you. See how you feel in time (your own time). If you still feel the same then that is fine. If you change your mind then that is also fine.

I wish this feeling had lasted for me . My first labour was so so traumatic and my stitches burst open a few days afterwards and got infected. Plus DS had rotten colic pretty much from day one and was IMPOSSIBLE to settle. Also had PND. It was just a really rough time in my life. Swore I'd never have another. Got pregnant when he was six months old and then again when DC2 was five months. That whole period in my life is a blur. There's things about when the DC were small I only remember when my mother reminds me. I was just in a whole other world.

Sorry that was rambly. I didn't try for DC2 or 3 btw. DC3 was a pill failure and DC2 was my own stupid naivety like oh we're only having sex once a month AND I'm breastfeeding none stop and haven't had a period yet so of course I won't get pregnant. There's no right or wrong. You might continue to feel like this and never have another. Then again you might change your mind in a few years and want to TTC.

YANBU

Being a mum is hard, being a parent is hard!

Do not have a second child unless you desperately want one. I don't mean, just maybe, sort of, possibly would quite like a second.

A second child is about 3 times the work of the first, particularly if they are close together!

YANBU I'm an only child and l over it. DH has a brother who he hates and hasn't spoken to for 20 years. A sibling Is no guarantee of lifelong friendship.

I have one child and it's fantastic. I'm sick of people asking/telling me I should have another!

Definitely not OP. We have one and have a lovely life - I think it's a good balance. We may change our minds, we may not but if we ever did it would be because I have that all consuming urge to have a child like I did when TTC DD, not just because I vaguely think it would be nice for her to have a sibling. I also think one child families are going to become much more common over the next ten years or so, given that lots of women want/need to go back to work and the cost of childcare.

I have a lot of friends with two or more young DC. I take my hat off to them. They do a fantastic job and their DC are very lucky but they seem very drained with it all - to me it doesn't look like much fun just a lot of work. Of course this is just my perspective but for now one is right for us too .

One is definitely enough for me, I said when my ds was a baby that I was done and most people dismissively said I'd change my mind. 4 years later i still haven't and I'm unlikely to. Do what's best for you, that's all :)

I knew without doubt that I would never want one more than one child - DS is 15 now & I have never, ever regretted that decision. I find being a parent is so emotionally draining, I am truly amazed that people have the energy (emotionally if not physically) to have more than one.

I had one and omg life was turned upside down. I said I'd never have another (despite initially saying I wanted two). We waited until he was four and about to start school before I reneged but still wasn't too sure. Secondary infertility meant I finally had our second when he was 9+ and it was great. I can't tell you how much I've loved it this time round. I admit the long struggle (and losses in between) and my maturity probably helped with a different perspective but I even thought I'd like to do it again. I'm in my 40s and husband in his 50s so with some regret our family is complete. Never say never OP!

YANBU. DS is 3 months old and I'm done. I would like another baby if someone could just hand me a newborn in a couple of years. There's no way I want to go through the TTC, pregnancy and birth bit again though.

If you want to stop at one then stop at one. There are loads of advantages to having one. I have four and have often pondered the thought that one would have been nice
Just do what's right for you and your DH and ignore everyone else except for me

I felt the same as you for the first 6-8 months with DD1. We'd always had a plan for 2DC, but especially in the early months first time round, I didn't feel that fussed about ever having another! Things did get easier however, and after about 18 months I was very broody for number 2. Unless your age is a factor, I would give it another year before you even think about making a decision. If you decide you don't want another, that's absolutely fine. 2 is hard in different ways and if one of you is not that keen, you'll struggle. But in hindsight you realise how quickly the early months pass and that might sway you.

DD2 is now 3 months old. This time we are 100% positive we do not want to have any more, and that is not going to change!

My mother didn't want kids at all, dad persuaded her then she didn't want another and he talked her into it again. I'm NC with sister and very lc with mother, somewhere between 2 with father (being gutless I should just go NC). My mother was not suited to motherhood, not everyone is.

I always loved children and wanted 3 or 4, then I lost 3 to mc and finally had dd now 15. I couldn't have any more.

Dd is very sociable but also very independant, she doesn't miss not having siblings (although her father has had more children they're no closer than cousins) at home with her and enjoys being my only (I hope, she seems to).

As pps have said too you have plenty of time. I have friends with massive age gaps between their eldest and youngest, one 16 years and one 18 years. It's whatever works for you and your family, but your husband must consider how you feel too.

I was an only and hated it.

I still, in middle age, resent that I have no one to share the challenges of elderly parents with.

I was determined my DC wouldn't be an only, to the extent that I've had 2& 3 under not the best of circumstances tbh.

I hate to hear stories of adult siblings who don't get on. I try my best to encourage my dcs to have a close relationship with each other, independent of me. I hope this works.

But... You shouldn't have a DC you don't 100% want.

But Light how would you feel if you had a sibling and they didn't share the challenges of caring for elderly parents with you?

I grew up very happily with my siblings, as did my DH, but as we get older we see less and less of our siblings (probably due to IL issues ) - there was a massive falling out over care arrangements for my MIL before she died - which have never been resolved despite being nearly 20 years ago now. I can't see my siblings doing much for our parents, they live nearer to me so I accept that I will be the one responsible for their care.

Having a large family is not always the happy outcome you might home for.

It's not about providing care it's about not having to be the everything to your parents.

Light, might I respectfully suggest that your hatred of hearing about adult siblings who don't get on is a bit irrational about what is, after all, quite a usual situation, and likely to lead to you pressuring your children into relationships with one another they may not want?