To ask my OH to spend time with me?

[NeedToMoveHouse]

I fear it just sounds whiney, like something you shouldn't have to ask for.

We both work through the week, very early til 8 or 9pm, then we're exhausted. So spending time together out of the house on a weekday evening requires some motivation and planning and as a result, never happens.
He then plays football every Saturday, leaves the house at 11ish, gets back at 7ish. An evening out on Saturdays is an option but where we live is pretty shit and it would be a case of going out just for the sake of going out, not because we actually want to.
That leaves Sunday, I tend to do the housework, we both get ready for work the following week then we take our dogs on a long walk. The walk is nice but it's the only thing we do together outside of the house.

So WIBU to ask him to spend Saturday's doing something fun with me instead of devoting his whole day to playing football?

If your DH works from home 4 days a week he should be keeping on top if house work - I used to, it's easy to put a wash on & hang up, do some Hoovering at lunchtime etc

YANBU. I would be really annoyed if DH would choose to spend every single Saturday, the whole day, away on a hobby. People who bang on about hobbies etc probably don't know what it's like to not really see your partner during the week. We work very long hours and start at slightly different times. So he leaves before I wake up and I get home when he's going to bed. The weekend is all we have for quality time. And we spend it together. We do have hobbies but they take about 2 hours.

Your DH could go out, play his match, and come home and only go drinking once in a while.But he goes drinking with his mates every Saturday on top of his hobby. I'd find that hurtful. And to be honest it would make me question our relationship if he were planning on doing this for next 10 years too. I wouldn't want to be put in a position where I'd have to ask DH to please spend time with me.

I do a martial art and I absolutely love it, I'm overweight too as are many people who do it and there are people of all ages but it's brilliant for building up your fitness and working towards your next belt up gives you a great feeling of accomplishment, much more than I ever felt trying to do at a random exercise class id definitely recommend that.
Good suggestions above too, there's loads of things you could do, just try a few things out and if you don't like it you're no worse off best case scenario you find something you really enjoy.

I also feel a little sorry for your dh as if he works at home 4 days he's probably desperate to get out of the house come Saturday I know I'd get cabin fever working on my own in all day.

And by the way, I'm also one of those people that likes to do fun stuff with my OH. I don't understand people who prefer to stay away from their OHs 6-7 days a week, every week, for "hobbies". Isn't part of the reason people want to get married the fact that they want to share their lives with someone?

People who bang on about hobbies etc probably don't know what it's like to not really see your partner during the week.

Huge assumption there. And incorrect one too.

They are all great suggestions, I definitely do need to find something else to get into. I volunteer a couple of evenings a week when I finish work early and I also volunteer for an animal charity doing bits of their admin which only takes up a couple of hours. I banned myself from volunteering face to face with animals because I just bring them home and it gets ridiculous.

I really don't want to be that nag demanding someone to spend time with me, of course I'd rather he chose to spend it with me instead of being talked into it. He does go most of the week without even speaking to a person, other than me and via text to friends, so I can understand him feeling isolated and needing to get out. I would like it if he could just spend less time out on a Saturday, come home earlier and then we would have the chance to drive to another city/town and have an afternoon/evening out. We're about an hour from any decent places.

I don't want it to be like this for the next 10 yrs, definitely not. I'm much more of a 'my OH is my best friend' kind of person, I'd like to do the majority of things with him but do agree couples need their own hobbies/interests too.

What exactly does he do on a Saturday for eight hours? Who is he with? Surely anyone with children couldn't do that.

The football takes place about 30mins away, so there's an hour gone already just travelling. He then meets the team for a team talk and warm up which takes however long, then the game, then afterwards to the pub for the spread and drinks with team plus other friends as they live nearby. He gets back, we eat, sort the animals out and that's it really, the days has gone!

I wouldn't feel like I had much of a marriage, to be honest. You only really see him on a Sunday and some of that time is spent cleaning the house. I know what you mean, that you don't want to nag him to spend time with you - unless he wants it, it means nothing.

You need to maximise your Sundays together so blast the housework in an hour or fit it in during the week.

It sounds perhaps you're a little bored on a Saturdsy without your DH so think about what you like to do then. What do you like to do?

You guys need to move house

Absolutely wheeler, hence my name!

Hmmmm what do I like to do? I love spending time with my animals but it would be nice to interact with people for part of the day. I used to go diving but that's not an option where we live, swimming maybe? It's difficult because I generally like homely things like watching films, baking, etc. after a busy work week, I'm just bored of doing it alone!

Why don't you advertise for someone to help with your animals on a Saturday if you are lonely? Not sure what they are but maybe dog walking or handling time if they are rabbits etc so you have some company. Lots of people can't have their own pets and would enjoy some time with animals without committing to a charity or similar.

I also don't see my DP in the week as he works entirely different hours to me (we may get an hour or two for dinner together and that is it) and in summer he does a sport which takes a whole day every Saturday too but I see it as extra guilt free time to do what I want to do with my animals and see friends and actually sometimes wish he had a winter hobby too! What about WI or a craft group if you like doing homely things?

My DH spends a lot of time at weekends on hobby activities and frankly there's not a lot I can do about that. Very occasionally he will miss it if there's something major happening and equally he will come straight home if I insist but other than that it's happening.

So, you put up and find ways to entertain yourself or leave unfortunately. Beware, he won't change and if he did stop he'd resent you for it.

Ok, some tips: cleaners are paid to deal with other people's mess. Don't feel you can inflict it, it's their job. If you have pet hair and dirty floors maybe try one of those robotic vacuums that goes round on its own. Anyway, quit the drudgery if you can afford it. And yes to sorting stuff through the week...shove the washing on and make sure he hangs it up, he'll get the hang of it.

You say you volunteer a couple of evenings,why not use one of those evenings for a bite to eat or the cinema? Then catch up with the admin on a Saturday? Better still find an activity you can do with others on the Saturday. Is there anyone who would go for a dog walk then? Help with RDA? Take a dog as a therapy dog into a care home? Get imaginative.

So the yoga hasn't been a big success but it was a start so look for other classes...painting, pottery, art history, French? There are tons of adult education classes, many at weekends.

Then make Sundays a lovely time and come up with lots of stuff to do together even if it's fairly mundane.

and pray he doesn't take up golf

If you want your partner to spend time with you, you need to make that time sound appealing. 'Let's go and do [whatever]' is much better than whining that you are lonely and bored - it's not his job to entertain you.

I think you're being a bit unfair, as you resent him socialising without you because you don't have friends of your own where you live. I moved to a new place (on my own) a few years ago, and managed to make friends using things like meetups and a walking group. You should try to do this, as there's no need for you to be lonely just because your partner isn't glued to your side. I agree with previous posters though - speed up the cleaning and make Sunday your day together.

Pah I've gone and made a right turd of myself OH come bk later than norm last night and then had his night planned with tv/film, so after sitting in silence all day it was then a night of silence on top of it and I got pretty annoyed. Went to bed without saying anything then this morning he got up early and did most of the housework, sorted all the animals, before I'd even got out of bed. I got excited thinking we were going to do something fun and he said his friend had arranged a round of golf nearby so he was off to that. Cue me losing my shit and basically throwing what can only be described as a tantrum.

In the midst of things he said "if you want us to do things together then arrange something", I said "why can't you arrange something?" () and he said "because there's nothing to do". So how am I supposed to arrange something???

I know I'm being a twat and quite frankly I wouldn't want to spend time with me at the moment as I do sound like a whiney loser. I need stuff to look forward to at the weekend and can't rely on him to 'entertain me', like pp have said.
I adore spending time with my animals and would love to combine that with human time so really like the sound of a dog walking group, that's something I could maybe set up. My work week is unchangeable for the foreseeable as the volunteering is linked to my day job. It won't be forever though so we will eventually have some evenings together, just not anytime soon.

I've been looking into cleaners and other areas seem to have cleaners who also look after animals, that could give us an option to do an evening away every now n then. I could maybe place an ad in our local shop?

Oh god I love my alone time... I can't even imagine being the sort of person that couldn't think of something to do with myself on a Saturday. There's all sorts you could fill those hours with... The cinema, go out to eat, take the dogs for a long walk yourself, do your half of the housework so there's half the amount to do on the Sunday, get a new hobby, go see your friends even though they're a couple of hours away or ask them to come see you or meet in the middle... Sit and binge watch Netflix with some cake, relax in the bath with a book. There's so much stuff to do by yourself, you don't need him around all of the time. Also you really should make the effort to go out on Saturday evenings together more often, 'date nights' are pretty vital for any couple.

Why is he content with only spending one day a week with me though I'm fun when I'm not a whining!

Oh dear God do not go and watch him play football. My OH plays football for an hour every week, one of the guys has a girlfriend who goes with him and sits in his car for the whole hour. She's crazy obsessed making sure he's not cheating though, I just think she must be so bored. But she has no hobbies or friends, it's just very weird. Do not resort to that

He's content because thsts what you've made it be. Instead of saying "you didn't make plans to do anything" say let's go for a walk. A bite to eat. It takes two to tango but one to start it
I fully suspect if you've let his football antics go on this long without a problem you'll have a hard job to change it
Could you ask him to only go for after drinks once every two weeks or something? I know people on MN would cringe at that but me personally? I couldn't be in that type of relationship where I was only getting one day with my partner

I wouldn't mind Dh being busy every Saturday if we had a lot of evenings together. Before we had kids we'd meet from work and go to the cinema or something, or if we were at home we'd spend time cooking and eating together. Could you change your volunteering from evenings to Saturday, to free up some time to see oh in the week?

Sorry I just saw that you can't change your volunteering hours.

I think I'd find something to do for you both on a Saturday afternoon, eg theatre, walk, and ask him to join you. Maybe not every week but every other week?

Mouse I did start off like that, really looked forward to doing my own things on Saturdays like slobbing about, binge watching (& eating), listening to music, reading, baking etc. But it has become really dull and lonely.

I'd like to return to work on Monday feeling like I've actually done something fun with my weekend and with my OH. namechange I do need to suggest things instead of the empty desperate plea of 'spend time with me'. I just need to get over my bratty feeling of why should I!!! first. When we first met we lived near my friends & family and I always had plans so he would arrange fun things to do for us when we did have time together, even little things like a box set and pizza evening but it was at least something to look forward to. I suppose I miss him being like that but at the same time it's probably my turn to step up and be the planner.

There's something to be said for long working hours and having things really not being the be all and end all in life, although Im not sure thats a popular view really. There's actually not much spare time for relationship togetherness" at all. & your DH has got used to doing his own thing it seems which isn't right, but a very real risk when you're existing alongside each other yet not building a life together.

Your best option is Sundays together, and agreement to making that quality time. Why do you both need part of Sunday to get ready for work in advance of the coming week? You're in a marriage together yet allocating 6 days week towards work? Work/life balance is off-kilter to say the least

If I loved playing sport once a week Id not want to give that up for a partner actually, its once a week leisure activity not an all-consuming hobby. Its work that consuming both of you, not what he does on a Saturday. Saturday could be a day for you to explore different hobbies/activities you may like, then go for whichever appeals to you the most.

If you both work such long hours during the week then Im thinking you must have good incomes out of that? So why not hire someone to do cleaning/ironing to free up some time for you both (albeit from your post I can't see that either of you are around the house enough to create any mess!). Still, small steps

namechangeformypost makes good sense, OP. In your shoes I know Id be thinking "why should I?" too. But thats our ego whispering isn't it. Someone's got to make a move and at least you realise there's an issue so try it and see, suggest something specific cinema, or a drink. You never know, it could be the start of good things. & its an opportunity to use some of your income to enjoy yourselves together which surely must at least be part of the point of spending so much time at work..