Personality differences

[Shelly32]

I am a mum of twins, aged six years . One daughter is very popular. At home she speaks her mind but with friends she goes with the crowd and tends to be a follower. The other daughter gets on well with others but prefers to spend time on her own at times. She speaks out regularly when she sees injustices and doesn't like the cattiness that goes on in the friendship group. As a result she sometimes gets left out. Her sister, rather than support her, leaves her and joins 'the gang'. This breaks my heart and I'm not sure what to do. I applaud my one daughter for being strong and having strong morals and standing up for what she sees as wrong but at the same time , to get on in life, sometimes you need to just bite your tongue. I want her to be strong and independent and have integrity but don't want her to be ostracised for it. How can I help her find a happy medium?

You have to let them just live their lives and find that kind of thing out for themselves. Good for her speaking out - I wish more were like her. She's not stupid if she is commenting on injustice - she will realise this isn't always making her popular but continues all the same and so has weighed it up.

Thank you SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell. Those words mean a lot.

I've bought a book about girls' friendships called Queen bees and wannabes, which I'm reading with DD(9) at the moment. We've only got as far as discussing the different tiers in the hierarchy of girly cliques, but hopefully there will be some advice on how to deal with it later on! I think it was recommended on here.

I'm definitely buying this book! Thank you 😊

but don't want her to be ostracised for it

She's not a follower and calls out cattiness, this is to be applauded. She shouldn't be made to feel bad for standing out from the crowd. It's a sign of a super, intelligent, empathic and wise personality and will hopefully encourage others to do the same.

I am so proud of her and don't want her to feel bad. I hope the way she is will encourage others to be the same. It's just hard to see one twin be more popular due to conformity.

My DD never followed the crowd and had a really shitty high school experience because she refused to be a part of the crap. She's 19 now and having a ball at uni because she's not a spineless sheep.

That's a long time to wait when you're six :( But I guess she's reaping the benefits of being her own person now and it's good to know! X

we all have to choose whether to say what we have in our heart or not. Whichever decision your 2 dds make ,it's their choice . I wd however want both my dds to support each other to the extent of 'she's my sister and i love her' . Maybe some family therapy before it causes rifts for a lifetime.

how does your daughter feel about it? if she is not bothered by being left out sometimes then neither should you be. She sounds lovely and will find her way

Amarmai, I have spoken to my other dd and explained how she and her sister should support and protect one another. Peer pressure seems to be more powerful though. Helensnotsomadnow, she doesn't seem bothered but that doesn't necessarily mean she isn't. I am bothered though. Thank you, she is lovely, so is her sis, they've just got different approaches to life.