to think this might be a child protection/safe guarding issue?

[thickgit]

There's a nursery close by to me. Today, they were playing outside. I very clearly saw male nursery worker laying on his back on the ground, leaning up a bit on his elbows. One girl was laying on her front, on him. Another girl was laying on him, more on his chest.
It looked inappropriate to me so I immediately called nursery and told manager to go outside and see. She was more interested in knowing who I was.

I called back ten minutes later to give her my number. She wanted my name. I wouldn't give it. She was very defensive about the scenario and just wanted to know if I would feel the same if it was a woman. I explained that I've worked in nurseries and would not let children lay on me like this. She said other workers were out there, so she had no issue with it.
What are your thoughts?

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

ct 🙊

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

I don't think that the OP should be belittled for her concerns - she was the one who saw it, after all.

TBH, it doesn't sound terrible to me that a child was lying on him - I wouldn't want to minimise anyone's concerns or experiences though.

But rumours do go around of nursery workers not being allowed to hug dc when they're crying etc - which I think is awful, and not at all true at my dc's school/pre-school -where they were always being hugged.

[Pontytidy]

Schools and nursureys are judged on their safeguarding so I am not surprised that the manager was defensive. The whole safeguarding agenda has become so prominent that common sense has disappeared

[SueLawleyandNicholasWitchell]

they looked as though they were relaxing on a summer's day

Are you in the UK? It's been flipping freezing all day here, certainly not lying outside on the ground weather.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Yes, change title to AIBU to be worried that someone with a penis is working in a nursery

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Nice username

[Alisvolatpropiis]

[HarveySchlumpfenburger]

I can't really see how changing the title is going to help. It doesn't really change anything.

[YouTheCat]

I work in a primary school. I'm mainly in the reception class. I'm pretty sure that if I lay on the floor there'd be several small children sitting/lying on me within minutes probably using me as a bouncy castle, the swines

But you wouldn't be bothered about that because I'm a woman.

[DropYourSword]

I'm confused...you say you think it was perfectly innocent. But still have concerns?

[Lilyargin]

It's 'lying on the ground', not 'laying'! You lay a table. Or a person.

[FrikkaDilla]

OP. I'm more concerned about your grammar. "Laying" here "laying" there ....FFS it's
.
.
L Y I N G AND L I E in the context of your first post.

[NameAgeLocation]

Did you have a spidey sense OP?

Because otherwise I'd say it sounds totally normal. There are 2 female and 1 male carers at DD's nursery and there is lots of physical contact. I know it's not just when we say hello and goodbye because DD always smells of perfume when she comes home. I have no doubts whatsoever about the carers. But I'm not naïve; some people have bad intentions. I just tend to believe that most people don't. What was your instinct in this situation?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Ooh you so clever

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Sword the person involved has a penis...

[DancingDinosaur]

I'm surprised that the worker would allow that to happen, to protect himself if nothing else. Theres clear policies at my dc's school / attached nursery. Admittedly some of the policies are a little OTT, but the upside is that they leave no room for ambiguity.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I x posted..was referring to the pedants

[NameAgeLocation]

Fanjo I figured

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Maybe the man..doesn't fancy nursery children or see them in a sexual way? Stranger things have happened

[Trollicking]

Today, they were playing outside. I very clearly saw male nursery worker laying on his back on the ground

Sorry but this sounds highly unlikely, It was too cold outside today for anyone to be lying on a playground.



👹👹👹👹👹

[calamityjam]

I am studying a degree in working with children families and young people. We have 2 males in our cohort of 10. This semester one of our modules is safeguarding children and scenarios like this is something that tends to crop up. The overwhelming consensus is that physical contact as described by op is seen as building positive relationships between children and carers. Children who do not have a male role model in their lives are in danger of growing up with confused ideas about physical contact with men precisely because of attitudes like those of the op. Children in this nursery will be learning exactly what is appropriate contact with men from this carer. I would like to use this thread as a talking point for my seminar on Monday to see what others think though.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

If he is their carer at nursery/preschool, he'll be changing nappies, helping children get changed after accidents, etc etc. Much more personal stuff than lying around together, fully clothed, in public view in the nursery grounds.
My point is, if you employ someone (as I cheerfully do) to care for your preschooler, then the delivery of said care will involve a highish degree of intimacy (if that is the right word -I mean personal care, etc) . The staff involved are crb'd, etc. But beyond that, and your instincts, it's a risk you take. Just as you do when you leave your child in the care of anyone, other than yourself.
It's not arisen, but I'd be perfectly happy with my dd having a male childminder or nursery worker, despite the degree of intimacy that entails. I'd be happy knowing sufficient safeguarding checks were in place.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

fanjo don't be daft! Clearly all men are perverts.

Being serious now though, surely I'm not the only one who finds this utterly depressing if the op is genuine?

[thickgit]

Exactly that. I would expect any such setting to train their staff to protect themselves, if nothing else.
To me, it's common sense that you don't put yourself in a position that can be vulnerable. I was taught not to have a child sit on my lap, but sometimes a cuddle is exactly what three year old needs. Laying/lying on my back with a boy, or a girl, laying/lying on top of me wouldn't enter my head. Being at home, with my children all over me, is another matter entirely.

[TaintedAngel]

I used to work in a children's soft play area when I was a teen. Most of the staff would sit on their arses and watch the kids, doing as little hands on as they could get away with. I actually liked the kids and my job and got stuck in. Every day I would be hiding in the ball pit waiting on them finding me after a game of hide and seek, or I would go down the slide on my tummy with a child attached to every limb. They had a blast and so did I.

Tbh I just think its nice the guy clearly enjoys his job, and children enough to actually interact with them instead of walking around the playground aimlessly like you see most staff doing.