To ask how soon you felt ready to TTC again after an early miscarriage?

[Writerwannabe83]

Morning everyone, apologies if this causes any offence but AIBU to ask you how soon after an early miscarriage did you feel ready to TTC again?

I had my Mirena out at the end of January for TTC purposes and I was lucky enough to get my BFP on our first cycle of trying. Two weeks after my initial BFP (well, 10 BFPs over the course of about 4 days because I couldn't stop testing) I tested with a CB Digital and it unexpectedly said not pregnant so, upset and shocked, I went out to buy a FRER which also said not pregnant

I saw my GP the next day who confirmed the pregnancy had self terminated and she would expect me to miscarry within the next week. As it was I started miscarrying the following day - which was the Saturday just gone

I know it was early days, 5/6 weeks maybe, but I was still very upset as it had taken me about 8 months to get DH onboard about TTC and it was a very much wanted pregnancy. Anyway, the actual miscarriage lasted about 3-4 days and the bleeding has now stopped.

Last night I was talking to my DH and we were chatting about sex and I made a comment about how we'll have to be more careful now seeing as we aren't covered by any contraception to which he was quite surprised as he was under the assumption we were just going to start TTC again.

I told him that for some reason I didn't feel like I could as I couldn't cope with another miscarriage straight away (not that I know the likelihood of it happening again) and he said, "Well if it happens again on our next try then we'll stick to just having one child." (we have a DS who is almost two).

I told him that I didn't want to put an end to the journey of TTC2 and that even if I did have another miscarriage I would still want to carry on trying for DC2 but that I don't feel like I am ready to potentially face a second miscarriage straight away.

He was great about it, I suppose he just didn't really understand how much the whole thing had upset me.

When I had learnt about the end of the pregnancy he was abroad and he didn't get home until the day after the miscarriage had started so it was a very upsetting and horrible few days alone for me. I'd had to tell him what had happened over the phone and it was awful I think if he'd have been with me over those three days (the finding out it had ended and the onset of the miscarriage) and seen how much it had affected me then he'd understand more why I am apprehensive.

I suppose it's normal to feel anxious about it happening again though isn't it? But part of me thinks that if I put off trying again then I will just get more and more nervous about it and never make the leap.

Sorry for your loss. It's really hard.

We TTC'd straight away and were lucky enough to conceive DS on the next cycle. I think that their is some evidence that your fertility increases in the 3 months directly after a miscarriage.

That was what was right for me. I was terrified that my second pregnancy would end the same way and the first trimester was a very nerve-wracking time. I didn't really enjoy it. A bigger break may have helped or may not have.

I think that you need to decide what's right for you though. If you need a bit of time to process the MC and grieve then you should take that time.

I had a CP in January, felt pregnant immediately and lost that one with MMC. Had surgical procedure and got period 7 weeks later, conceived straight after.

In hindsight it was too soon. I became depressed and anxious and the first 30 weeks of pregnancy were horrible. I had therapy and did pregnancy yoga and a lot of self help and got myself into a better place for the birth.

I think it varies from woman to woman. I had my Mirena removed, got pregnant in 3 months, miscarried that at 9 weeks, carried on trying, got pregnant within 3 months again and then had a MMC at 12 weeks. Had an ERPC for the MMC, then got pregnant before I'd even had a full cycle. She's 3 now.

We had made the decision though that if that pregnancy hasn't worked out, we were going to stop trying for at least 6 months, concentrate on healing and spending time on our relationship, as the grief was putting a strain on us.

I hope you work out what's best for you.

I MC at 11 weeks in the November & was pregnant with DD on the next cycle.

6 week miscarriage in the November & pregnant again in January. But it took until the 20 week scan for me to relax into the pregnancy despite having had the 12 week scan & everything being okay.

Obviously it's all very personal though.

Got pregnant slightly surprisingly and miscarried at five weeks. This was the catalyst for properly deciding to TTC and a proper serious discussion (MC really brought it home that it was possible - had always seemed so unlikely and fantastical to actually have a baby iykwim) with DP. Got pregnant a couple of months later, and it sort of all feel like part of the same continuum - that year, that summer etc.

Same thing happened to me (except my extremely effective birth control was breastfeeding). Conceived 2 weeks after the last time I bf-d Child 1, lost the pregnancy at week 5/6, and conceived again on the next cycle. She's lying on the sofa with a cold watching Frozen now. HANS IS LYING! (she interjects)

I know it sounds silly and unscientific, but it seemed to me like my body needed to have a full cycle before a pregnancy, and when I conceived, my uterus hadn't had any action since I gave birth 18 months earlier, so it kind of makes sense that the fertilised egg didn't stick. I was disappointed, but not emotional about it.

Anyway, yeah, I was pregnant again within a couple of weeks and it was fine.

So sorry for your loss, Writer .

I had a miscarriage at Christmas and we are trying again straight away.

Our DS is 2.2, I'm 34 and feel like every month is one less chance of a second.

But you have to do how you feel, you need to grieve. Everyone reacts differently to miscarriage.

I was desperate to get pregnant again after my mc. We did wait to start trying properly though, as I had some investigations about the cause and DH was a bit wary of conceiving again until we'd had the all clear. After we got that it only took a couple of cycles.

I got my first bfp when I was 4 days late. 5 days later I started bleeding. A week later it was a bfn. I never felt pregnant the entire time if that makes sense. I had another period following that then before I was even die on again I took a test and it was anothe bfp but that time it felt right even though it was early. That bfp is currently taking everything out of her toybox knowing we have people viewing our house later

Sorry to hear about everyone's loses. It's heartbreaking regardless of whether it's early or late mc. I lost my baby at 11.4 weeks on the 22nd Feb. I was booked for d&c but mc'ed started naturally the night before. I had a scan on the 8th March which confirmed all clear. I really want to ttc asap my DH thinks we should wait one cycle. I bought some ovulation tests but I'm not sure if they work properly straight after mc as I have had 4 positives in a row?? As soon as bleeding finished ( 7th March) we had a go as the ovulation stick was positive. DH away for a few days so guess we just have to wait and see. As we will only have been able to try once I will be surprised if we get bfp. We named our lost baby ( bobbi bean) and planted a tree in the garden so we can remember him/her and explain to dd when she is older ( she is now 2). I think that when to try again is very individual and down to other factors such as recovery post mc etc but good luck to everyone for when they are ready. X

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage

I had a miscarriage in my first pregnancy (found out a week before the 12-week scan). The hospital advised to wait until I had had two normal periods before TTC again. I did that then I think I had one more month before I managed to get pregnant. That was probably about the right length of time for me.

I'm sorry about your miscarriage.

After my miscarriage, we decided not to try at all for one full cycle as neither of us felt ready. Then we had another cycle where we didn't use contraception but didn't really try to conceive either (didn't pay attention to timing etc). The following cycle we tried "properly" and I got pregnant again.

I hope it works out for you

I'm sorry for you loss

It's completely okay to TTC whenever you're ready. After our first loss, I was desperate to be pregnant again immediately. After the second one I couldn't stand OH touching me at all for weeks, let alone having sex. Do what is right for you.

I didn't feel like I needed to take a break. Got pregnant immedaitely after an early mc, no problems with that pregnancy.

So sorry for your loss, OP.

I felt ready to try again after two cycles, and conceived straight away (DD is now 7 .

There is no right or wrong. Go with what feels right.

I've had two losses and because of the causes was given specific advice to wait.

DD1 was stillborn at 20 weeks, and 6 weeks after that we had the postmortem and bloods back which showed the cause was a toxoplasmosis infection. We were advised that the live infection would be present for a few months and it would take up to 6 months for me to develop antibodies that would provide future immunity. Consultant advised to wait 6 months before ttc to protect the next baby. We didn't know it but I was actually pregnant with DD already - got the BFP a few days later and a terrifyingly stressful pregnancy ensued with fetal medicine consultants scanning to look for calcified deposits in the brain etc that would indicate toxo damage. She is 4.5years now and fine thank god. We were desperate to have a baby after DD1's death but medically in that case it was not advisable. Emotionally it was very problematic to be launched into the new pregnancy and all the resultant anxiety when still in shock and trying to process the trauma I had just been through. Nightmare all round tbh.

2nd loss was just a couple of months ago. 12 week scan revealed acrania (neural tube defect resulting in no rear section of skull and most of brain not developed), incompatible with life so we had a tfmr at 13/14 weeks (dates uncertain). Pathology showed that DS also had Edwards syndrome so likely other problems too. In this case we were advised that I needed high dose folic acid (5mg/day) for the rest of my childbearing days to protect against future neural tube defects. Apparently the best protective effect is observed after 3months + of taking the folic acid so strongly advised to wait 3 months before ttc.

So I guess what I'm saying is sometimes there are reasons to wait. It sounds like it's a known Mirena risk from reading this thread so I would be inclined to wait one or two cycles if I were you. Emotionally it's very personal, go with your gut. Sometimes pregnancy is what you need to help fill the void that miscarriage leaves.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have just got home from my GP Appointment and she said that if I were to get pregnant again there's over a 90% chance that it would be fine but only I can make the decision as to when I'm ready to try again.

When I was sitting in the waiting room a woman sat opposite me with a young baby in her arms and I felt myself selling up. Thankfully I was quickly buzzed in to see the GP but as soon as I entered her office I just burst into tears

I'm the kind of person who just wants to get back on the train, but everyone is different Sorry you've had a hard time! Sending you good vibes

So sorry for your loss.
I had a mc at the same stage and it was very upsetting. We did want to try again straight away but it took 3 months for me to have another period so it gave us a little break anyway. Go easy on yourself, you'll know when you're ready

to you all and your losses.

I had a MC at around 7 weeks (surprise pregnancy) on the 13th of April. I ovulated and conceived on the 2nd of May and she's now shouting at Woolly and Tig on the telly 😊

It was the right thing for us to TTC as soon as possible after our loss as it cemented our feelings about having DC5.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

I started ttc again straight after my mc as it helped me to feeling like I was doing some (forgive the expression) - I conceived 2 months later and am now 20 weeks so so far so good. I know I will feel sad on baby's due date and have been very anxious this pregnancy but to be honest I'm not sure that that would change if I had waited longer. I don't think anyone can tell you what's right for you though.

I had a mc at 12 weeks and it took me nearly two years to want to try again. I didn't want to go through that at all again and the idea of a possible child was not enough to to make me want to go through the mc and d&c experience again.

I did go on to have ds1 but having my first pg end in mc made me very wary. for you