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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want some time to myself instead of having sex?

52 replies

u32ng · 10/03/2016 21:15

It's been a busy day: I've looked after 3m old DC2, done house chores, had my sister over for lunch/the afternoon, made dinner, bathed and put DC2 to bed, done the tesco online shop, and am about to make bottles (it's 9pm). I was then looking forward to actually sitting down and having some 'me' time until heading to bed at 10pm. DH has just asked if we can have sex after the bottles are done. My first thought was that I can't be arsed and just want my own space for a bit Blush.

AIBU and selfish to just want 1hr to myself? I know DH will probably take a bit of a huff if I say no Hmm

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 10/03/2016 22:20

Of course YANBU
btw is that his usual approach?!

Original poster
u32ng · 10/03/2016 22:21

the huffiness is a whole other thread! it's not overtly huffy, but a hint of huffy that still pisses me off and yes it's a right turn off!!

tbf he doesn't sit on his arse when he comes home from work (he showered and put dc1 to bed, put away all the laundry that's been sat for 2 days, and the bottles in the end haha) but he does somehow seem to have more leisure time in the evening than me. He has all these programmes he likes to watch and somehow manages to watch them and i'm still trying to get through the x-files from tuesday Hmm.

yes i could've had sex in the time it took to post on here...but actually really i just couldn't be arsed with sex tonight!

OP posts:
Original poster
u32ng · 10/03/2016 22:22

oh and i said no!

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/03/2016 22:22

Being huffy if you refuse sex is a really unhealthy attitude. Borders on sexual harassment I feel.

Agree with Fanjo, the huffing about says to me "I want you to service me" like its another expected chore for her to do, it's got frig all with whether the OP will enjoy it or not - what a massive turn off.

u32ng I hope you are enjoying your much deserved rest and Brew on the sofa. Tell randy arse to jog on with his huffing and puffing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2016 22:23

I bet Idris Elba would do the Tesco shop while bathing the child, give you a foot rub while doing the bottles, then shag your brains out. Only if you wanted to, what with him being so lovely and sexy and all.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/03/2016 22:23

Good on you!!

ouryve · 10/03/2016 22:25

You should never have sex you don't want.

How about you tell HIM to make the bottles?

LuluJakey1 · 10/03/2016 22:38

DH does not usually ask. He is more spontaneous. He does sometimes, in a highly sophisticated and irresistable (he thinks) way, say 'D'you fancy a shag?' and smiles and winks. Hmm
But when Ds was small we did plan it sometimes to try to fit it in around sleep and feeding DS. Your body isn't your own when you have a new baby. You are not being selfish. Don't do it if you don't want to.

LuluJakey1 · 10/03/2016 22:41

And huffiness is a huge turn-off. Tell him that.

trashcanjunkie · 10/03/2016 22:45

Ugh tell him when he asks it makes you want to vomit on his penis. Seriously, though..... He needs to brush up on his romancing skills.... And at three months old...... He'd be laughed out of the house round mine..... YADNBU

whois · 10/03/2016 22:46

I don't think saying 'shall we have sex when we get home' if you're out at a restaurant or something is a total turn off. Something to look forward to!

SlinkyVagabond · 10/03/2016 22:52

Tell him there is nothing as sexy as a man who does his share of the chuffing housework and childcare. But pouty mardy arsedness is not sexy at all.

zodiackelly · 10/03/2016 22:53

If you aren't in the mood, you aren't in the mood... don't force yourself if you aren't feeling it. If he gets into a mood about it, so be it... how old is he?!

FayKorgasm · 10/03/2016 22:56

Huffyness is a total turn off. Although I do sometimes suggest a bit of bumping uglies to MrK whilst doing the food shop.

Obviously when we get home and put away all perishables.

lorelei9 · 10/03/2016 23:07

"a hint of huffy"

sounds like an unwelcome note in a fragrance.

FithColumnist · 10/03/2016 23:11

YANBU. Getting huffy is pretty inexcusable: if you're not in the mood then you're not in the mood.

OTOH, asking for sex in advance isn't necessarily a turn off. The number of times DH has turned to me in the middle of the pub/Tescos/a friend's wedding and suggested something salacious as soon as we get home and it has not made me swoon can be counted on the fingers of an average dolphin's hand.

theclick · 10/03/2016 23:14

The fact that he asked. No mate. Just no.

Why do men think it's ok to just not even attempt to try and put any spontaneity into it? Freaking lazy.

Pinkheart5915 · 10/03/2016 23:25

I don't think it's selfish, if you don't feel like it you don't feel like up. Put your feet up and rest. Maybe he could of helped out more tonight with children ( if he was home early enough) ? Then you might not of been so tired.

I personally can't leave my husband alone Blush but I only have 1 child and 1 on the way.

MattDillonsPants · 10/03/2016 23:35

As other have said NEVER agree to sex to stop someone being annoyed with you.

That's coercion. Using the threat of a bad mood to make you fuck someone is just repulsive.

How can not wanting to have sex be selfish? It's not.

ClarenceTheLion · 10/03/2016 23:40

I probably could've had sex and been now enjoying some time to myself in the time it took you to write this and read replies.

You know she wrote it and read the replies in under two minutes right? Grin

Flashbangandgone · 10/03/2016 23:47

Interesting the different views on 'asking'...

Spontaneity is over-rated in my opinion, with someone expecting you to be ready for it there and then, when actually you really need to just do a poo! If you know it's 'on the cards' (I.e. Asking or being asked beforehand) you can be ready when it happens! Actually, being asked if I fancy having sex can be a turn on (if I'm inclined to be in the mood).

Anyway, that's an aside...The issue isn't that he asked, it's that you clearly feel pressured into saying 'yes', and concerned he'll go off in a huff if you refuse. You definitely shouldn't give into that kind of pressure.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 10/03/2016 23:47

"a hint of huffy"
sounds like an unwelcome note in a fragrance.

Grin
Bogeyface · 11/03/2016 00:04

H used to do this, and I always answered "Well you can, but I am going to watch X-Files*

He stopped bugging me and our sex life improved immeasurably.

*insert program of choice.

lorelei9 · 11/03/2016 00:16

What, testosterone & a hint of huffy pretty much sums up why I love being single.

I wonder if ad execs sit around plotting aftershave promos like this?

Testosterone + hint of humour/sophistication/gazing meaningfully into horizon etc etc

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 11/03/2016 00:16

Being asked over a restaurant meal is different to being over a sink of bottles that have to be sorted!

No cooking no cleaning no babies to put to bed - different situation

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