What is fair in this situation re child support?

[EElisavetaOfBelsornia]

DSis has asked for my advice. She works 2 days a week, BiL is FT but asked to reduce to 3 days so they will not need to use any childcare. BiL has a child from a previous relationship for whom he pays child support. DSis thinks he should pay about three fifths of what he currents pays, whatever the CB calculator works out as, because his income has reduced. BiL thinks it's unfair for the child and his mum to have less money because they are taking a lifestyle choice - he said he, DSis and their DCs would benefit but his DS and his mum would suffer. She asked me for advice. I am thinking of suggesting a half way position - the rate that 4 days would work out as if that makes sense. What do you think?

life that sounds like a much better system!

Sorry - you wrote whatever the CB calculator works out so does that mean that if the cb calculator said that based on his new reduced income he should pay say £300 but 3/5th of what he was paying now was actually £250 she would want the money dropped to the lower amount?

RudeElf Is it unreasonable to think that Bil's ex might have told him at some point how little help she gets from her other ex partners and then he's told his DP who told her Dsis?

Not unreasonable. Surprising to me. That people know so much about the finances of people who theyve never met and that dont concern them. My Exp (engaged, lived together etc) has no idea of my incomings other than what he pays in child support. He could maybe take a guess at what i earn or get in tax credits but i have never discussed it with him .

"Did you actually read the whole sentence MeMy? Or just quote the part that suits your world view?"

Yes I have, are you projecting yourself???

I suggest you read it again then. It doesn't say I think what he pays is unfair, it says the other fathers not paying is unfair.

RudeElf it might surprise you. That doesn't change anything.

This arrangement has only one loser. His son.

That's the bottom line for me.

It's great when you can make decisions for yourself that make your own life better and the negative consequences all go to other people.

No matter that other person is your husband's son. Just fill yer boots!

Children get more expensive the older they get, I would avoid reducing any input, and start preparing to increase it, realistically it would be a massive mistake to expect the cost of funding a child to go down.

Which arrangement?

Sorry posted too soon. I meant, do you mean the situation that BiL lives a long way from his son, or the fact he's going part time? Or just any reduction in funding?

The child in question is your brother's son, your nephew -sibling to your brother's other dc and should not suffer financial alienation in addition to familial alienation, pull your sil up for her selfishness and all of you adults try to be there for the children you are related to. If you genuinely feel the amount should be reduced for lifestyle changes then you and the rest of the family could meet the difference. Otherwise try to encourage the rest of the family not to squeeze out the child unseen in this way - one day he will be an adult and may come looking for answers.

Going part time and so reducing maintenance.

BIL is less stressed. Great.
Sis is less stressed. Great.
BIL and Sis have no more childcare costs. Great.
BIL gets to go to the gym for his health. Great.
BIL and Sis DCs see more of their dad. Great.
BIL's first son loses money, still doesn't get to see his dad. Bad and bad.

Oh no, i wasnt trying to change anything. I am just (quite) shocked that you know so much. And as i said earlier makes me wonder who (thinks they) know about my finances.

Agree aye

It is a win/win situation for everyone but eldest child. It would be difficult to make the situation benefit him in any way due to distance however i think it only fair that at very least it doesn't negatively affect him. That would be a kick in the teeth by comparison to the effect on his siblings.

Anyone you have shared your financial information with would know, Rude.

That's a useful summary, Aye, I might share that with my sister.

Occams he's not squeezed out or alienated, he just lives a long way away. My sister is not selfish, she's taken her stepson on holiday, and covers childcare with her DCs for her husband's trips to see his son. When he's a bit older and can travel alone he will come and stay.

I am a bit at the suggestion that I should contribute to the child support. Would you like to chip in too?

Anyone you have shared your financial information with would know, Rude.

So no-one then.

But even so, that woman didnt share her financial information with you yet you know, or think you know it.

I think your sis needs to butt out. This is between bil and his ex. If he wants to pay a certain amount towards the upkeep of his own DCs as he is not around to financially or physically support them most if the time, good for him. If anyone tried to tell me what I could or couldn't spend on my own DCs they'd be out on their ear. Ask her to imagine how she'd feel if she split from him and he went from 3 days down to none and didn't pay her a penny.

Well the only information anyone on this thread has is second hand, but it isn't stopping them from giving an opinion!

RudeElf Some people are more free and easy with what they tell people. It could have come up in an exasperated/annoyed way because BiL in this instance does pay when the other dads aren't paying, or not paying as much.

What you don't tell people isn't a point worth labouring here...

She isn't 'telling' him, Mark. They're having a discussion, like adults, about what's fair. If my partner wanted to take decisions about our joint finances without involving me - well, I would be surprised. And if a discussion, like adults, to come to a mutually agreed view wasn't the way he wanted to do it, he might even be "out on his ear".

I'm more concerned that he has chosen to share her personal information with others who are uninvolved in the situation.

Well if they really are considering pissing off his ex and making his son feel like a second class citizen for £50 a month it doesn't sound like they can afford for him to reduce his hours. I could save that by not going out for lunch once a week and taking one item out of my basket each time I go shopping. And I a single parent on a low income!

OP's sister simply has to realize when you make a second family with someone who already had children, that the income going to the first set of children is non negotiable.

The maintenance is NOT and SHOULD NEVER be included in the joint family income of the family made next. Only after the maintenance is paid is what is left the joint family income of the subsequent family. If the sister can get around the fact the child born first should be entitled for as long as that child is alive and dependent financially on BOTH parents who created that child, then she'll see joint family finances as what is left in the pocket of her husband and what income she is producing. The maintenance frankly has nothing to do with the sister, it the business of the parents of that child. She is not the parent of that child.

"OP's sister simply has to realize when you make a second family with someone who already had children, that the income going to the first set of children is non negotiable."

In your opinion. What if the NRP lost their job?

Even if he stops working life? Who should pay then? In reality, people's circumstances change. Things can't be set in stone like that. In this case I imagine the outcome will be that BiL will continue to pay the same amount, but sometimes things happen beyond anyone's control.

In your opinion. What if the NRP lost their job?

I'm guessing they would say the OP's sister should then foot the bill. But yet it's none of her business.

Yes. Like your Sis and BIL have decided to suit themselves with part time work is outside BIL's Son's control.

I suspect that if your BIL and Sis couldn't financially get by on two part time wages then either BIL wouldn't drop his hours (and would just get on with his health condition) or your Sis would up her hours to compensate.

She's decided to ease the financial impact of their decision on them by shifting the financial impact to BIL's son (and his mother).

Have they considered your Sis doing an extra day so they have more money and she can pay the extra CM so they don't lower it?