To Refuse This Lovely Invite?

[Lilylonglegs]

So we always hear about people trying to find ways to say no to having holiday or overnight guests, but what about refusing an offer to stay at someones home. How do you refuse graciously?

I'm going on a summer holiday and someone in a travel group I'm in put me in contact with one of their friends, who offered to play tour guide which I did accept and we've been messaging back and forth.

She knows that I have not yet booked accommodation and made the very kind offer for my daughter and I to stay with her for free. Trouble is I don't want to stay with her. It is a very nice offer but I've never met her before and perhaps pre-child and ten years previously I may have taken her up on it, but with child I need a routine and be able to come and go as I please and lie in bed all day and not talk to anyone if I feel like it, plus with a two year old probably throwing tantrums here and there I will be on edge trying to over control her behaviour all time.

In short I just need my own space, but how do I tell her without sounding like an arsehole. What would you say?

Stableyard I had a thread sometime ago about MY houseguest from hell but not this scenario.

Thanks all I did send the message yesterday and she's read it (bloody FB) but not replied to be so lawd knows what that means. Will see what happens closer to the time.

"perhaps pre-child and ten years previously I may have taken her up on it, but with child I need a routine and be able to come and go as I please and lie in bed all day and not talk to anyone if I feel like it, plus with a two year old probably throwing tantrums here and there I will be on edge trying to over control her behaviour all time."

If I were you, I would probably say pretty much this! It's your honest reasons for not wanting to stay. It's not offensive in the least bit, and totally understandable.

rookiemere How did they take the refusal?

Ive travelled with another friend and her son and even though we had separate rooms I found it really uncomfortable because her son was running around half the night and I like to spend my nights with some wine and not monitoring children. At that point my child wasn't mobile and hers was so the constant barging in the room and waking up my child was very annoying.

It taught me a very big lesson. GET YOUR OWN SPACE!!!

They were absolutely fine with it Lilylonglegs.

DH wanted to give them all the whys and wherefores about why we were declining, but I decided keeping it brief was the way to go. I also said that I was looking forward to seeing them - which is true, we definitely are, also I think the saying we'd stay there Saturday night helped as well - means one less night at the uber pricey but lovely looking apartment I'm planning to book with the outdoor heated pool. Oh well such is sacrifice.

Like Findo I'd just say what you put in the OP.

I'd do the same as you. It's completely reasonable to want your own space on holiday. Some people love being with people they've never met before for extended periods of time, others don't.

Staying with someone you don't really know requires a lot more in terms of etiquette. You have to politely fit in with their routine, make and eat food you might not have chosen, be well presented when you'd rather be wearing your most casual clothes, make interesting conversation when you'd rather be reading a book, be tactful if your host has opinions you don't like, resist changing anything that isn't comfortable such as when there's hot water, etc.

If they're offended by you saying you'd rather sort out your own accommodation, you probably wouldn't want to spend your whole holiday with them anyway.