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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so bothered about being unattractive?

44 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 06/03/2016 17:57

It's really getting me down now.
I've promised myself for the last 15 years that I would get a nose job and chin reduction, get my teeth sorted, get toned etc etc
It's not happened mortgages and bills have got in the way. I'm so lucky to have 2 beautiful healthy children but I find myself obsessing about how unattractive I am constantly.
I just wish I could be better looking- I know that's shallow and pathetic I know that but I can't be the person I want to be when I feel self conscious all the time

OP posts:

PestilentialCat · 06/03/2016 18:52

that's true Hairy - my nephew had his underbite corrected on the NHS in his 20s

IceBeing · 06/03/2016 18:52

there=their..

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 06/03/2016 18:56

I'm worried that you say you find yourself 'constantly obsessing about how unattractive you are'
If you think you are becoming obsessed and fixating on your perceived flaws, or spending unhealthy amounts of time scrutinising the faults in your appearance then I think you could have body dysmorphia.
Try looking on the NHS website under BD and see if your symptoms match up.

ExConstance · 06/03/2016 18:59

Don't have veneers - your teeth will be ruined and they may drop off, the you would be worse off, try to get braces on NHS. My DS1 is narly 25 and his teeth went out of alignment after wearing a braced in his early teens.His new braces are private but he pays by monthly installments.

TheSteveMilliband · 06/03/2016 19:03

You can get Invisalign rather than braces, hard to see and can make a big difference. I was too self conscious to smile and now feel fine giving a big smile (was a bit nanny McPhee beforehand).
But do you think you might be focusing on your appearance when other things might be the problem?

gamerwidow · 06/03/2016 19:06

You're not shallow and pathetic but at the same time it's not right to be so unhappy with how you look that it's preventing you from enjoying life. Have you considered cbt to address these feelings? Most of us have things we don't like about ourself but we are so much more than what we look like. Your appearance isn't as important as you think it is and most people don't really care what other people look like.

MudCity · 06/03/2016 19:07

I agree with all posters who have said get the teeth done. Best thing I have done too and worth every penny. Makes a world of difference to your confidence.

MudCity · 06/03/2016 19:08

Definitely not veneers though. Go for braces.

Artistic · 06/03/2016 19:16

Try Invisalign. Expensive but so worth it. My teeth were lovely before but started moving due to gum disease. I was horrified and became a recluse. Then I took control, saved up and did Invisalign. Still need retainers but nevertheless I have my confidence back. If you are in London I can point you to the cheapest place I found - pm me.

blankmind · 06/03/2016 19:17

Attractiveness isn't anything to do with a superficial outer appearance, it's all about the lovely person inside. Cultivate her, let her grow and spread her wings, you will glow

bantamgirl · 06/03/2016 19:19

I know how you feel, I really do.

I wish I could learn how to like things - anything - about myself. I just feel so invisible and have never been a head turner.

I inwardly feel so depressed about my appearance but I would never tell anyone about it IRL because it does sound shallow when you say it, and then of course you get the "compliments" which you then don't believe because you feel that you have fished for them.

Sorry to hijack your thread I just wanted to say I hear you x

Secretlove · 06/03/2016 19:27

What you say you need done is very drastic ie teeth, chin and nose. I agree with pps, pick the one thing that bothers you most.

If you were offered braces and surgery once, why not look at that option again?

Post-divorce I smartened up my act a bit. I had two veneers on my front teeth and whitening through the dentist and it made a massive difference. Expensive but worth it.

HairySubject · 06/03/2016 19:28

I don't think invisalign would be appropriate in the ops case as she says she has an underbite, that kind if thing can't be correct with invisalign as far as I know.

Secretlove · 06/03/2016 19:29

Another thing I did which I am probably too old for was grow my hair long and go blonder. You can hide a multitude if your hair looks good.

ouryve · 06/03/2016 19:32

It might sound trite, but being confident in who you are and what you're made of is one of the most attractive things possible.

You can have your face re-modelled to fit as closely to a particular aesthetic "standard" as possible, spend ages on getting clothes, hair and make up "right", but if you're not happy in who you are, underneath it all, you are never going to come across at your best.

Secretlove · 06/03/2016 19:35

Having said that, I can think of people I know who are not conventionally good-looking but they are attractive and popular because of confidence and personality.

I know a striking woman in her 60s who has cropped hair, a big nose, small eyes, unusual features but she is warm and friendly and stylish. Some people have the knack of making the most of what they have got.

Cake0rdeath · 06/03/2016 21:01

OP, I'm know exactly how you feel.

My smile (misaligned jaw) and huge undereye circles (without make up I genuinely look like I have "healing" black eyes ) make me miserable. I loathe the way I look and would do ANYTHING to get rid of the eye circles. Make up hardly covers them at all.
I know that there are other things greater to worry about, but there's nothing worse than seeing yourself in photos, or catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and thinking "right, so that's what I look like'
It's soul destroying.
If you can afford the Braces, do it. I'm firmly in the camp of doing what you can to raise your self-esteem, as long as no one else will suffer from the spend.

youareyouandyourock · 06/03/2016 21:32

Do not get a nose job. You will find hundreds of people online telling you it's a good idea and you will find lots of great before and afters. I had one and while it's not botched and my nose is fine, I hate how it's changed my whole face. I don't recognise myself, it's awful.
I didn't have body dysmorphia or at least I don't think I did. Plastic surgery was, for me, a surefire way to get there.

I would love to turn the clock back but I was, as you sound, down on myself and convinced I needed it.
I look back on (better) photos and see a bad nose on a nice face. My face. Now that's gone.
I ignored any bad write-ups and refused to read them, just as you might dismiss this one.
You know how people say imperfections = character and you, right now, probably think what a load of crap? It's not crap.
Get the teeth done by all means but my advice is to stay away from plastic surgery. I swear I now prefer 90% of the before photos to the afters. I finally get it (too late).
Tomorrow is a new day. I bet you are lovely as you are.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 06/03/2016 21:51

Yanbu but I'm sure that nobody else thinks of you as negatively as you do

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