To think I need to do something about the new neighbours?

[Cakedoesntjudge]

My new neighbours moved in about a month ago. I've yet to actually see them but have worked out from all the bellowing that a woman is living there with her two children, one a teenage boy and one a preschool daughter - and potentially her partner.

Since moving in multiple times a day I can hear her yelling at the children, most often the daughter, thinks like "shut the f up you f-ing little b" and similar. The child is always crying I don't blame her.

I live in a semi detached house with very thin walls and I am not bothered my usual everyday noise, I understand that's a part of it. I'm not bothered by occasional parties or the occasional argument/yelling at children (I appreciate everyone is human and snaps sometimes).

However, this is really bothering me. It is occasionally at pretty anti-social hours (in this week alone I was woken up at 6 by it twice and once at 1:30am). Not to mention the fact that hearing the little girl crying her eyes out afterwards really pulls at my heartstrings!! I can't fathom talking to such a young child like that ever, let alone with such regularity (I do have a 5 year old, I know that they can test your patience like nothing else on earth).

I don't know what to do about it. I am torn between going round there and saying something though I would imagine she'd rip my head off, ignoring it and not being an interfering neighbour, or reporting her. But I wouldn't really want to do that without talking to her first.

Advice from anybody would be welcome!

Was you able to report it cake ? If so how did you get on?

Should say I don't want to discourage anyone. Ring the police. Ring the local SS. Email the NSPCC. Oh and email or write to your MP. They will be useless but you can prove you did it if you should need to, when the authorities don't act and then something dreadful happens.

Nothing will happen and this is a horrible thing to say but you will cover your own arse if something terrible happens and anyone starts with "Why didn't the neighbours say something?" I have left a paper and email trail a mile wide as much for my own sake as those kids'. And I will be straight to the press exposing the MP, council, SS, etc if something does happen.

Sorry for the slow update!

All has been very quiet since Sunday. I've heard her but not heard any of the children at all. Wondering if they are currently staying somewhere else or if, like someone said above, going round and saying something about her and the partner arguing has made her more secretive.

I have spoken to a couple of people I know with a lot of experience in child protection jobs and they said as horrible as it is if I report it now as a constant thing with there having been no issues for days then they won't take it seriously at all. They've told me not to report it until I hear something again and then to do so immediately.

I see their point and the fact they've both said exactly the same thing means they're probably right but I hate that it's the way the system works.

Thanks for all the advice and I'll keep you updated!

Hello all. I've worked in child abuse investigation for a few years so have quite a bit of experience of the issues that you're raising. I'm typing on a packed commuter train so can't write too much at this time though. It sounds like your neighbours are emotionally abusive to their children. There are no crimes for emotional abuse generally so it often falls below the level required for police intervention. The police will only have powers to remove the children if they suspect the child of suffering immediate significant harm. If you hear or see them being hit then that's a different matter and you can often justify ringing 999. ( same for neglect and sexual abuse) SS work to different thresholds though and can start a child in need assessment - although they will need the co-operation of the parents to do this. You can make an anonymous referral direct or via NSPCC but they are viewed with suspicion as some people do them maliciously in neighbours disputes etc. I haven't read all the other posts but if you see a child being hit then the parent is potentially in play to be arrested. If you work somewhere that tolerates that then I would seriously question the companies judgement. Somebody should intervene- perhaps a manager. Let's not forget shops throw out parents whose children have tantrums. Please ask me if you have any questions.

This is a safeguarding issue and you need to report to SS ASAP. tell them (and keep a record) of exactly what you hear and when, keep it factual, describe exactly what you hear, avoid any judgements such as 'the child sounded upset' state exactly, I heard someone say 'xxx' and i heard a child cry, I heard an adult say 'xxx' don't say 'i think they hit the child' say 'I heard a thump' your role here is to describe as factually as you can with as much detail as you can what is being heard. It is not for you to judge if this is abuse, SS role is to establish based on your evidence and evidence they find from visits, other witnesses etc if this is abuse and act accordingly. also whatever you do resist from filming or recording evidence as this is likely to be inadmissible at best and at worst seen as you being compliant in abuse by filming rather than intervening...be careful, it is not a good source of evidence even though it seems like obviously it should be. But yes report report report and keep records. If you hear something really concerning that suggests abuse happening, ring police and state I am reporting as a safeguarding issue, I am hearing at the moment.... then describe exactly what is happening. good luck op, it is a horrible place to be but your actions could help a child at risk and however insignificant it may seem to report / log it all adds to a bigger picture and a small piece of evidence is all it can take to make a lot of other information slot into place if everyone in and around this child's life is also vigilant and reporting small areas of concern too. this is how the big areas of concern lead to action, safeguarding is everyone's business.

I have the feeling with my neighbours because as the parents talk a good talk, it will probably not get dealt with until the kids are older and turn up in school with bruises or let something slip in front of a teacher, or another child's parent. As neighbours, we have felt very open to that accusation of malicious reporting. Yet really who in their right mind would report this kind of thing for the fun of it? At the moment, the onus is on believing the parents and disbelieving the reporter.

That said - still report. And report again.

OP I know how it feels to have to waste your life - and expose your own kids to seeing and hearing this kind of crap. Because as a random neighbour you never asked for these people to move in next door, and you never asked or deserved to be in this situation. Yet, like us, you are.

I have found this the most depressing two and a half years of my life.

I sincerely believe now that these kids will be pasted all over a wall like jam before anyone will take it seriously.

I was a kid in the 1970s - severely neglected by a stepmother. The family GP felt concerned about e and he rang the SS. They came out. But only after sending my stepmother a letter to warn her. I was got out of the way for the day, the entire house scrubbed top to bottom (I paid for that effort later) and the house smelled of cakes in the oven when the SS walked in. Like my neighbours, she talked the talk and the SS - gullible in the 1970s as now, apparently - swallowed every word. My GP thought I was being neglected. My teachers knew I was being neglected and emotionally abused. They did everything in their power to help me. One reason I became a teacher in later life.... But the SS? Did not believe the victim.

And I believe, now I have experienced this continually as a witness for over two years - that nothing has changed.

These people - police, SS - are only employed because abusers exist. It is a symbiotic relationship and they need eachother.

Filming on your phone is not admissible in a child cruelty case but sends someone down for 6 months for hurting an animal.

That is the brutal, honest truth.

Maybe like us, you can't move away. All you can do is email, phone, and leave a trail a mile wide to show that you tried your best. Then if the SS and police fail the kid - and they will - you know in your heart of hearts you did your damndest.

God, it's depressing that the police were around to my house like a shot when the neighbours called about my abusive ex-P but seem to not really act when vulnerable, defenceless children are abused :(

OP, try to ensure you get the name and position of the people you report to.

I'm so sorry to hear that Joffrey, you must be a very strong person to have the focus you did to become a teacher despite the lack of support. My Dad had an affair, about three actually and my parents divorced when I was 12. Sometimes, I feel a bit unlucky to have lived in a house with such a tense 'atmosphere' but I read things like your childhood account and it makes me think how lucky I was in many respects. My Dad said he felt 'bereft' when he left the family home and both my parents despite their differences evidently loved us and didn't ever harm us.

My Mother was a teacher and would agree with you about the sorry state of 'progress' on this issue. I think it's further complicated by it being such a murky area when it comes to personal action- it's not clear at all what you're meant to do when faced with these problems.

golden I had steely determination. I was at the worst comprehensive school in the largest county and got into what is now a Russell Group uni. ;o)

Purely to get away from my stepmother.

I think we have read a lot in recent years about the victims in abuse cases now being believed - and we weren't in the 70s, as history has now shown. But my experience in the past two years living next door to two people who are actively abusing their kids has told e that we have not moved on any further since the 70s, if people reporting what they see/hear have to use non-emotive language to be believed and, let's face it, aren't believed.

As a society, we also have to lift the whole idea of 'malicious neighbour' reporting at least until a rigorous investigation proves otherwise. And investigations can't be rigorous as 2 1/2 years on, no matter what we report, those kids are still in that hell-hole.

If you say society is now believing the victim it also has to believe the people reporting. We truly don't do it for the good of our health. I'd rather NOT be responsible for the lives of two strangers' kids. I'd rather not feel every time I hear a raised voice, that if I don't report it the worst case scenario could happen and if I do report it - I'll be ignored, or dismissed as 'malicious' anyway.

Looking at my neighbours' kids, even at their young ages, there is no doubt they won't be able to ace exams to get out of their 15 years from now. Because what I did was highly unusual and only possible because I was bright enough (and not born to a woman drinking 20 cans of lager a day throughout her pregnancy). Neighbours' kids won't have the escape route I had anyway because no-one goes to uni on a Full Grant anymore. Nor should they have to have any escape route.

Instead of carrying them down the drive to farewell abusive daddy in the police car before returning them tenderly to the arms of a just as abusive mummy - they should have been carried right out of there, that night.

I didn't / don't mean to sound patronising but that is truly impressive and hopefully your adulthood has been a lot happier as a result? Sadly, I think you're right about many of these childrens' prospects. I really don't think anything is going to change though unless it's from the top, the politicians have to grasp the nettle so that front line changes occur but nobody seems to be willing to do this despite all the publicity recently!

Children's sorry not childrens'