To think I can be sad on any bloody day I like?

[Zariyah]

My closest friend took her own life in a very tragic way on Mother's Day 8 years ago. Obviously, the date changes every year and the anniversary of her death was a few days ago. I'm especially sad on Mother's Day because her mum was devastated by C's suicide and blames herself for failing her mentally ill daughter. She's always thought that her daughter was sending her a sign by doing it but I know she wasn't. Her mum won't believe me though, she's too crushed.

I find this day particularly bitter and difficult. I miss her terribly, even after all this time.

My bloody "friend" said I need to buck up my ideas for my family as it isn't even the date of her anniversary of death. Don't get wrong, I shan't be weeping and wailing and talking about suicide tomorrow but I do feel sad. I do miss my friend.

AIBU to think it doesn't matter that Mother's Day doesn't fall on exactly the same date? It's still a reminder of my loss.

You've called her only your 'bloody 'friend'', so no need to take anything she says to heart, leaving you free to ignore her opinion and feel however the fuck you want, without guilt.

I - random stranger on internet - give you permission to mourn.

Do what feels right for you.

Anyone who tries to tell someone else how they should or should not be feeling, especially with regards to bereavement, should shut the fuck up. Of course you can be sad.

Why bitter?

You're friend might have a point though. Does it reflect on your own family?

You know the answer here and you are right to rant about your so called friend.

A friend of mine lost a close family member at Easter, so of course that time of year is hard for her - be it March or April!

'Why bitter?'

Because it's Mother's Day tomorrow, same day (not date) OP's friend died?

'Friend' should keep any points she might have to herself, unless it's to ask the OP how she's faring.

Sad yes, but why bitter? It being mothers day doesn't mean she should be this though does it Agent?

Thanks for the support. To answer a few q;

I'm bitter because C was so let down by services. Bitter is probably the wrong word, I was rambling.

It is an old friend who said this, I thought she was still a good friend but we are drifting.

It won't impact on my family. We are having afternoon tea at home, something very low key. I won't discuss it with my youngest DC as it's upsetting and they never knew her. It just stings and I'll probably have a little cry tomorrow night when everyone's in bed.

Have you thought of having counselling for your loss OP due to losing her under such tragic circumstances.

What an utterly useless thing to say to someone. As if you can turn your feelings on and off like a tap.
Honour your friend and dont worry what anyone else thinks.

Zar Sorry you lost a good friend and in such awful circumstances. It doesnt matter if the date of her death was a few days ago, she died on mothers day. My Mam died 3 years ago, mothers day will obviously never be the same but then I miss her everyday regardless.
I dont understand these people giving their advice on how anyone should or shouldn't grieve.

Fucking nonsense. Look at it the other way, Christmas fell on say Tuesday last year, dos not mean you have to wait til boxing day this year to feel all merry and bright. It's the time of year that brings the associations not the calender

I suppose what I said before Vintage, OP can feel however the fuck she wants.

Bitter, frustrated, angry, sad, thinking fondly of her friend, a bit of everything.

She might not have a choice/control over it and therefore not something a 'buck up' is likely to resolve (which IMO is more about the friend not wanting to be near the 'uncomfortableness' of the OP's grief rather then any actual concern).

YANBU at all.

My sister died on Mother's Day and as much as the date changes, it's still the anniversary of her death to me...as well as the actual date that she died.

My (Irish) mother died on St Patrick's Day and although the date doesn't change, it makes it just that little bit more difficult because so many people I know are celebrating on that day.

No-one can tell you when and where to grieve or how to feel. It just comes naturally to you.

Saying the OP needs to 'buck up my ideas for my family as it isn't even the date of her anniversary of death' and she may as well have said 'it's been 8 years, aren't you over it yet '.

Calm down Agent.

I just suggested that the OP may want to seek counselling if things are still so raw 8 years later. Coming to terms with a suicide is excruciating.

Nope, I get it.

A very dear friend of mine took her own life after absconding from a mental health unit where she was admitted against her own wishes.

I am angry about her ability to sneak out. And, I miss her. And, she was a medic, so, the strike stuff in the news makes me think of all the "what if I had"s and "what if I'd done"s.

The truth is, if someone wants to take their life, well, that's a job for the professionals. I am heart sore for anyone who has suicide touch their lives, either fighting the urge, or living with the loss. Just fucking brutal.

I had a miscarriage on Mothers Day 28 years ago .I went on to have my second beautiful daughter (after a second mc) .Every year I remember and feel a little sad.Nothing like your loss OP but I understand how you feel.
The fact that it was Mothers Day made it especially poigniant