AIBU to cancel one event to attend another?

[GinSolvesEverything]

I know the standard answer is always to attend the first event you have accepted, but herein lies my dilemma.

I've got a work event in the diary in a few weeks time. It's on a Saturday evening and not compulsory, but my boss wants me (and others) to attend in case we need to take clients to a future game (it's a sport event where we host a table for all home games). I said yes to this a few weeks ago.

Yesterday I received a save the date for my cousins bachelorette party on the same date. It starts in the afternoon and I'm not sure what the plans are.

Theoretically I could go to hers for a couple of hours and then on to the game, but that depends on what is being arranged.

I also normally would run for the hills instead of going to a hens party, but I'm relatively close to my cousin and I can't imagine it will be a tacky horror.

Would it be bad form to back out of the work event? Would it be equally bad to not go to my cousins hens, and instead go to a sport event (I don't follow the sport)?

I'd go to the hen night.

Depends on your work contract, but if you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart (rather than something you're contracted to do) I would go to you line manager and say "I said I could do this, but I've had an invitation which means a great deal to me, so please could I swap this evening and do another one instead, please"

I would go to the sports event out of preference!

I'd go to which ever one I wanted to.

Personally I'd put work first because you've already committed. The hen do wouldn't be a big deal to me, and as it's short notice I wouldn't feel bad about not going.

Family first

I work to live not live to work so of course it's family first.

Family first.

That's different.

If it was family or friends dilemma, then I'd think seriously about it. But, it's work yuck on a Saturday night.

Bachelorette party all the way 🍷

It depends on things only you can know - like how important it is you attend this game, or if it's the kind of thing people can swap with another fixture fairly easily, for example.
Like - if you actually want to go to a 'bachelorette party', and so forth.

Personally, I'd much prefer to be at a sporting event than any kind of a hen do, so I'd be glad I'd already got something in my diary

I don't think it is easy as family first as if you have a patent and or kids, ensuring a stable employment is an important part of looking after your family so for me it would depend on how important the work commitment is. If it could be cancelled without upset, fair enough but if it is going to have negative repercussions at work, I would go to the work commitment.

Work won't mind that much if I bail out. I'm sure there will be someone else who could take my place.

It will be a lot more fun than the hens party - my colleagues are more like friends and there will be loads of free drinks.

But I feel like I really should show my face at the hens party. I won't know that many people there, and it will be self funded. I have a very small family and we are quite tight knit....

What FatMomma said. Putting my boss-of-a-business hat on, I'd be perfectly happy to let one of the staff off a works handshaking sales party to let them attend a family get-together. All I ask is to be kept in the loop asap!

Just reread your OP and update... sounds like you're also wondering which one of the two would actually be the most fun.

Your boss sounds like the sort of person who will respect your integrity if you tell her/him that you feel duty bound to support a family member, so no problem there.

And your cousin sounds like a nice person who will respect that you wouldn't want to back out of a previous commitment.

Toss a coin? I've done this in the past, and if my heart utterly sank when seeing the result, or bounded with joy, it helped crystallise my feelings.