I can't stand play fighting and superheroes

[mikado1]

I am prepared to be told I am being uptight and pfb on this one, I may also be extra irritable from sleep deprivation I definitely am but it might not be relevant to this

Anyway almost 4yo has no superhero merchandise and not much knowledge of them but all his little boy pals at preschool seem batman crazy and I know he can't understand the difference between pretend fighting and generally whacking one another though perhaps some of the others do. A friend came round for a play date with figurines for fighting and costumes. I am just not comfortable with it, though I know it's common. I am also very aware of the positives of play fighting but don't think that refers to preschoolers who don't always know the limits. Plus I hate having to get over involved and micromanage behaviour but I did and was a bit of a dragon tbh Other mum said nothing and her ds spat at mine who then followed suit and later I felt annoyed that I had been cross with him when nothing was sad to his friend. Aibu and precious or how do people deal with this?

And yet it is aimed at preschoolers-see batman Halloween costumes, bat cave toys etc that resemble preschoolers' 'garages'.. I agree, it would be more suitable for older children.

But feelingfine, how do you explain superheroes punching, kicking etc to a 3yo who's been told ad nauseam that he should say with words what's bothering him and it's not ok to hit? Can you not see the confusion for small ones?

Girls can like superheroes too. My dd is DC & Marvel obsessed.

I think many of the superhero type films are way too adult and violent for 4 yr olds.

Super precious. My mum still gets robbed something rotten for the fact that she didn't let us watch Power Rangers because of the 'violence'

RIBBED*

That's why play fighting is a good thing though Mikado, so that they learn the limits.
If they hit too hard they make someone cry, or if they get hit too hard they realise that too hard hurts.
It's part of growing up and finding limits/boundaries for themselves.

Superheroes aren't just the recent films either, there are cartoons too.

OP so what if it's aimed at pre schoolers?
What exactly do you think is wrong that it's teaching them?

My 5 year old has loved Batman/Spider-Man/Avengers etc... since he was about 2/3 and the Imaginext toys he has have shooty things on them that you fire, etc.
The good guys and the bad guys eg Batman and Joker have a fight- so what? He is only using his imagination. And now my 3 year old is in to it all as well.

They get a bit boisterous and giddy like any children do. They do rough and tumble together sometimes. They are 5 and 3. I intervene if they get too rough. When they dress up as Superheroes they pretend to be superheroes.

Just like girls pretend to be princesses when they dress up as princesses.

But you can't see any potential confusion there feelingfine? Maybe it's just my ds that would find it hard..

No I really don't.
My 5 year old doesn't have an aggressive or violent bone in his body and he's been playing with superheroes for about 2/3 years now. He knows the limits and he knows real life from Fiction/imagination. I'm sure my 3 year old will be fine as well.

They're just using their imagination.

God. This has always been such an non-issue to me!

I get my 3 yo to fight Jedi style so he punches the air and doesn't make contact. Proper wrestling he does with his dad.
Superheroes and baddies are like magic and princesses/fairytales as adults we can see the dark themes but it largely goes over kids heads. The 60s batman movie is on netflix worth a watch for a good laugh! The Christopher Reeve superman movies are fine for kids too. I agree the more recent ones are a bit scary.
Ds has some Marvel origins stories aimed at kids and they all have strong moral messages in them. With great power comes great responsibility. ...

I'm with you on this one .... I hate it along with computer games which I think wrongly encourage the whole thing. I'm much happier when mine play with age relevant toys and then take part in sport .... I may be old fashioned but we were brought up where the boys in our family played rugby and some now as adults still do .... They didn't catch any harm!

Ds1 (7) stuggled between real and pretend esp in tv - he has mild adhd and is extremely literal. He's only really gotten into superheros last few months. We avoided more violent cartoons on recommendation of paed as he thought it was fine trying moves on his baby brothers - nearly had a broken arm. We tend to stick to lego superheros.

Ds3 nearly 3, loves his lego batman but prefers watching paw patrol and peppa pig still

There is a middle ground here.

You can stop being so precious and allow a bit of imaginative superhero play, knowing it is a relatively short phase that many 4 year old boys go through.

You can also allow them to build weapons from lego / junk modelling without actively going out and buying them.

You can let them colour in Spiderman or wear a costume without taking them to see violent movies.

Just relax a bit! He'll be into something else before you know it.

IMO Spitting is just naughty and I would have told off friend as well as my own child if his parent didn't do so.

If you're really worried about the next friend coming over, could you make a few plans for other things they could do together? E.g. play ball in the garden, (superhero) colouring, let them ice & decorate biscuits, challenge them to build a really high brick tower, etc etc.

If you give them other activities maybe they won't have so much time to play fight? I appreciate this is more work for you though!

We never allowed play fighting between DS1 and DS2 or with anyone else because it is guaranteed to turn into real fighting and one of the parties involved intends to hurt and wants to see how far they can go - which is always too far.

That said, superhero costumes, figures etc. are fine. Two boys can be superheroes together cooperating and fighting imaginary enemies - not each other.

TBH I think you are being a little precious but I see what you mean in that he is too young to really get it. I actually wouldn't let a child younger than 8 watch superhero films. I can't judge DC comics ones as I don't do batman/spiderman/superman type stuff but Marvel stuff seems pretty violent. My mum actually commented when I was watching Avengers Assemble how violent it seemed so yeah I see why you don't want him watching and playing it. However I don't think you can really shield him (hee! pun!) from it as all his friends play it. Just try to educate him on the difference between play fighting and real fighting. Play fights are usually gentle, you don't hurt each other and fake hits and kicks shouldn't land.

To me it's a case of "he is going to do it anyway so make sure he does it appropriately"

Totally wouldn't have the spitting or the running around shouting kill kill either though.

I agree with you. Son is nearly 4 and is a gentle shy boy. No interest in fighting or heros just train sets and duplo.

All his peers charge around shouting and fighting.

It's not a "boy thing" that really fucks me off. He's a boy. He hates it. His friend is a girl and she engaged in lots of it.

It's SOME children.

OP, if it helps you, my two sons were full on superhero fans, play fighting, WWE, Power Ranger-karate, Batman-Superman-Ninja Turtle maniacs. Yes, there were a couple of bumps and bruises along the way but somehow they and their friends learnt the 'limits' of play fighting amongst themselves and neither they nor any of their friends were got hurt. I actually have lovely memories of up to 6 or 7 kids (both sexes) playing 'Superheroes' in the yard, running around 'saving the world' wearing bits and pieces of superhero gear. I still have my sons's Batman cowl and cape.

My sons are 26 and 32 now. They're both lovely well adjusted men with no penchant for violence. Unfortunately, neither of them ended up a Real Superhero. Except to me, of course!

Me and me kids are fairly comic obsessed.

We all kick box too. Ds is 5 and been kick boxing since he was 3. He is fully aware that actual fighting is not ok outside our dojo.

He plays superheroes and never shouts 'kill kill kill' it's a game.

I don't understand people who hate to see kids running about.

He has never been in a fight at preschool or now he is in reception. He knows the boundaries because they are explained a lot. Running round and pretending to save people is ok. Fighting with people is not.

Personally I think you are Being precious. But the play should never get to the stage of actually hurting each other. If it over steps the mark (like hurting or the spitting) the mother should have stepped in. The problem there is the other mother. That could happen wether her son liked superheroes or in the night garden.

My dd was exactly the same. I grew up fairly obessed with WWF (as it was back then).

Loving superheroes or toys guns does not make a child violent. There is far more to it than that.

I also believe that Jakes sword is specifically for chopping down trees, though

Oh and yes, ds has never actually seen any of the marvel films or cartoons. It's all from the Lego comics. Loving superheroes doesn't equal watching violent programmes or films.

I'm with you OP. Toy weapons will be banned in our house too. Can't believe there is a market for toy guns tbh.

We didn't encourage it at all but my word did my 2 yr old take to superheros in an instant and start play acting them. Buzz lightyear has a lot to answer for. It all really sparks his imagination. Far more that I ever expected. I just go with it but do step in severely if he starts using it to be rough or take out frustrations on his little sister (who winds him up on purpose all the time). He is constantly reminded that he must be gentle with everyone but he loves the running, jumping, sword swishing, catch phrases and pretend flying.

If it helps my kids have never watched kids tv and still play fight -,the 2.5yr old understands limits the 1yr old not so.much!
It just seems to be a way to pass the time, especially at nursery when they can't do it with other kids as they cry to easily!

There are cartoon versions of the most popular superheroes. Most 4 year olds are not watching the 12a movies yet. They learn the names of the main characters through the cartoons and merchandise and act as though they've seen the movie but they are just filling in the blanks based on what they know about the character and what they've heard about the film.
Star Wars Episodes 4-6 would probably be the "best movie with people" to get started with. Lightsabers are long so easy to play in a no contact way if you do start playing with him.