To feel rejected by Mum and now Daughter

[AnnP1963]

I woke up in the middle of last night and now its early, and i am awake , so i have popped downstairs with a nice cup of tea and my laptop. Here goes...I have been married to a wonderful man for 28 years he is my rock. I have children sounds lovely, well most of the time it is but i have just been feeling so very rejected lately and its not like me at all.
My eldest child is in a relationship that is intense and the partner is very controlling, moody and likes to get their own way. Last Friday the partner shouted at my youngest child who was to say the least distraught. We used to be so close and in fact i can honestly say were best friends we used to chat and everything but now its different, this partner has changed my child in a way i did not think possible. They never phone never text i might as well be invisable and i am just bloody sick of it. Then we come on to the little delight of my parents. That's s**t too. My brother is adopted and is a nice bloke but he still lives a home at 48 and my mother has ruined his life. He was in a relationship for 10 years and my mother hated her with avengence she intereffered constantly and he eventually broke up with her Then he met a lovely lady at work she had older children and they was happy. He lived with her there nights a week and at my mums for the rest of the time. They got engaged 6 months ago and the arrangement didn't change!!! However they was happy last weekend after a heated argument he walked out of her house and went to my mums. She has enough and took all of his stuff round saying to stay there.

Here is my problem, i just sent her a text saying 'sorry to hear what has happened and hope you are ok', that was it nothing else. I liked her and after 5 years felt this was appropriate. The next day my Mum rang up and literally was screaming down the phone...You just had to get involved didn't you She has gone mad at your brother and started to scream at him and this has made us all unhappy she is blaming me and your dad for alot of this break up and now we are all upset because of you.

When my husband got in he phoned my Mum and told her to get stuffed basically and not to phone here unless she used her manners. Cue through to today and they popped down as if nothing had happened. I just stayed quite and thought just bite your tongue.

Honestly i am sick of people thing they can treat me like poo. I am totally fed up with people being rude to me and i now feel bloody rejected by my eldest child who quite frankly couldn't give a poo and my family who think it is right to be bloody rude to me because of a break up.

ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE.X

Och that sounds rough maybe it was to soon to. Text your brothers ex but there was no need for your mum to rip into you
How is your DDS partner controlling you say like they have stolen you r DD away from you they. Haven't they are in a relationship they should not be shouting at your younger child though that's not on

People treat you like shit because you let them. If anybody were to scream, or even raise their voice, down the phone at me, I would hang up immediately. (Or hold the phone at arm's length, out of earshot, and let them rant away to the air while making rude gestures at the phone with the other hand...done that before; it's rather satisfying, if a bit childish.)

Similarly any ranting at me in person and they would be shown the door. Your DH has the right idea. You really do need to assert yourself more. Please get help with this.

So here is the latest instalment of my grotty month! Well brother has defiantly split up with partner my DH phoned my Dad and told him how upset I was and how he should and will not ever call again to rant over something that had nothing to do with us.
As for the partner I haven't contacted her again, I think personally if she got that upset over a text she really needs to get a life!!
Thirdly my eldest DD actually came over for a while but was constantly looking at her phone, seemed very on edge and then went soon after. I really thought it was me just worrying but my DH is worried now (very unlike him). He feels she is the one giving too much in this relationship and that her boyfriend is very needy, she does everything g in the flat and is the most accommodating person we know.

This is really now the cherry on the cake my youngest DD has a friend who is with a boyfriend who she has just found out has been cheating on her from the start relationship. He has been caught again and again. And so her sister is a mum at the school I work in. She came in the other day and all I asked was 'how's xxxxxxx' that was it. Well this sister then proceeded to tell me all of her sister's life story how her boyfriend had cheated, what he had done, how he had cheated on her. I was taken aback and said nothing due to being at the workplace, when she eventually left my colleague who was with me couldn't believe it. This week my DD friend (I use that loosely now) has sent her a really nasty text saying I had stirred it.

What a bloody month so I now have my DM being rude to me my eldest DD looking like a fawn with their eyes in headlights and now my youngest DD so called friend accusing me of stirring it when all I did was listen to someone offload. I would just love to meet this women again because I would just like an explanation as to how I managed to glean very personal information by just saying 'how's xxxxxx'. What a cow.

Advice on how to deal with all of this would be welcome I don't mind what.

You know what, sometimes you've just got to say fuck it and walk away. Your brother and parents- not your problem, don't get involved in it and don't engage if they start talking about it. Same with your DD friend, you don't say how old she is but if she's a teen/child I wouldn't accept being accused of something I didn't do and would have words, if she's an adult ignore and let them sort it out themselves.
As for your eldest DD, I understand your concern and her relationship doesn't sound very healthy but you need to take a step back from that too (no offence but it sounds like you sometimes get over invested in things). Let her know you will always be there for her and try and get a long with the boyfriend, don't push her into his arms by getting over involved, try to keep them both close so you can see what's happening but don't push it if they don't want it.

Step back. You can't change their actions but you can change your reaction to it all. As long as you haven't done anything wrong, step back and let it all wash over you.
State your innocence calmly then refuse to engage.

Dd, tell her it's her life and up to her, but you are worried about x,y and z. Ask her to think about these but that at the end of the day it's her life but you'll always be there for her if she needs you.

I agree with all of the posts. My DD friend is 21 and as far as i am concerned is a selfish cow. She doesn't put herself out for anyone other than herself and never has. Its always 'all about her'. I agree my daughter is just going to have to get on with it i have really tried and its a very fine line with just trying to be nice and bombarding her so i always go with the first synopsis. When you sit on your own sometimes and all of this utter hi is going on around you it is bloody hard to keep sane.x