To want my dh to have his liver functions tested

[CaughtUpNearTimbuktu]

He's a really heavy drinker, most days he drinks until he falls asleep and the following day he aways complains his joints hurt and he feels like he has the flu. He never has a head hangover but I do think this is partly because he's usually got a pint in his hand by midday.

I'm hoping if he gets his liver tested he'll be scared into stopping because I'm sure from the way he's acting it's got some form of damage to it.

I'm at the point where I'm switching off from our relationship but as a person I still want to help him and don't want him to go the way of his father and grandfather because he is a kind soul if only one with a massive flaw.

AIBU to want him to see what he's doing to himself because he sure as hell doesn't care what he's doing to us

You could, if you wanted to, make an appointment to see the GP of your choice without him being present. The GP can't divulge any personal details at all but can document your concerns. Then when you go in with your partner the GP will know some background. Parents do this for their children all the time (as do partners regarding mental health issues). Consider asking the GP for a liver ultrasound as well - if the LFTs are normal, seeing the early signs of liver damage (fatty liver) might alarm him.

Please remember to look after your own mental well-being.

My mum stayed op, for the same reasons as you- she wanted to care for him. The problem was she just enabled him instead. I had a horrendous childhood as a result. Please look after yourself and your children. It's a cruel cruel disease.

It's so easy to go from carer to enabler.

You say he works from home? Does he drive anywhere?

Because it's sounds like he is under the influence all the time. You say you think he doesn't get hang overs because he has a drink by mid day. Does the alcohol ever leave his system.

If he drinks loads at night, he could be over the limit the next day, then drinks more.

Please tell me he doesn't drive

Also OP, many alcoholics have to reach rock bottom before they have any incentive to change what they're doing. It's a phrase you hear a lot in AA and is the time when people are forced to accept total and utter responsibility for their actions, for the hurt that they have caused, for the fact that nobody aside from themselves can control what they do. While someone else is looking after them, they can continue on some level to absolve themselves of responsibility.

I still have my blood tested in full every year - and your DH would see the effects of his drinking because there are three liver function results, one of which is (I believe) the recent drinking

sorry op, may I ask this poster why she had her blood tested in full? I had raised LFT too but never had any bloods, whats the bloods for.

Someone has to look after him.
Yes and it needs to be him.
Sorry.

Hi Beyond, of course you can ask - my GP believes that a full blood count is a good idea in general and I've never questioned it. It includes cholesterol (bit of a genetic issue) and the liver function plus haemoglobin, renal profile and various other bits that don't mean a lot to me but the "no action required" is reassuring. I suppose that as a former bulimic plus recovering alcoholic, it makes me happy that I'm keeping on the right path.

Not every drinkers' liver function tests will be affected so it is a risk your DH will think he is fine to carry on as before. The liver has a lot of spare capacity and carries on coping for a long time even when it is heavily damaged before results necessarily show in tests - it varies a lot from person to person.

The key issue here is whether your DH is engaged in any of this at all.

If you went with him to GP, both said worried about alcohol and liver, you were able to provide accurate-ish alcohol history so he didn't lie this might help him see he isn't different to his Dad.

But it might not - however that might help you see what your limits are for living with him?

Lobster thank you

I am amazed at the delusion of alcoholics. I have a friend who will tell you he's not drinking, open up a can and when he's on his second talk about how he doesn't have a problem with alcohol and his liver function tests are normal. He thinks he is not an alcoholic because he doesn't stay up all night drinking wine. When I ask him what time he goes to bed he says 5am, that's why I'm drinking now to help me sleep at the right time. The next day he will say 'my mental health is bad, I'm really depressed (er hungover) and didn't sleep until 5am again.

Anyway. His liver tests are fine, and he uses them as proof he is not a problem drinker. There is another test, which I can't remember that shows damage, I think it was on the 'trust me I'm a doctor' pissed twins edition.

YANBU

my dad was like this.
He's being discharged today, he had a liver transplant 2 weeks ago. Up in London. We live near Chichester.

He stopped drinking heavily twenty seven years ago. He was a two pints guy at the weekend and one night a week since.

Shocking but true