to be unsure of whether or not to lend DP this money?

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Dp and I are normally fine financially in that we earned a similar amount and spilt everything equally money-wise.

However, Dp has recently started a new job and isn't going to get paid until the middle of next month. He is also in the process of trying to set up a business and is building up a supply of tools etc that he needs for it.

He didn't realise that the pay date was going to be so far away (as he was expecting to get at least a part payment this month) and consequently after paying for some supplies and so on means he is very short on money this month and has asked to borrow £500 to cover bills and stuff until he gets paid.

At this point I have already lent him about £2500 to help out with the costs of setting up his business, which I am happy to do, but if I lend another £500 that brings the total to £3000 which seems like such a lot of money out of my savings and I would really struggle to regain this money if for some reason Dp didn't pay me back.

I do trust him to pay me back and he is normally very good with money, the job he's starting is much better paid that his last job so he will have spare money to pay me back although it might take a few months.

Aibu to be unsure? I have no real reason not to, I don't need the money myself at the moment as its from my savings and I see it as an investment in out future but its such a lot of money to me!

I wouldn't be with someone I didn't trust completely and believe was capable of making a business work if he said it was going to work.

I transferred my bf 30k a few years ago. I never worried and completely forgot about it until yrs later when he reminded me and I checked how much it was. He's my dh now but my point is not everyone is business savy and many businesses fail. But I knew my now dh was not the sort to ever let that happen.

Yabu to lend him the money, all you finances should be equally shared.

all you finances should be equally shared
That's a very bold statement and one that doesn't apply to many couples (myself included). Are we doing relationshipping wrong?

Me too MaidOfStars

So OP you save - he spends money on his business. & on top of spending money on his business, he also needs money from you to support his business. Outgoings are low you say - and he also has a job. So I don't quite understand why you need to be paying for his business in this way, at all

Also what "Can'tChoose" said:

I share PP concern that a single delayed pay check has left him that short.
If you earn the same and split costs equally how have you ended up with more than 3k savings while he is £500 short? Does he spend the rest of his money irresponsibly? Or he he spent a similar amount of his own savings on his business too? If so, 5K+ on a hobby when he clearly isn't flush seems bonkers!!

Whilst I agree that finances between a couple should be shared, I don't believe that one person pulling on the financial resources more than the other, does actually amount to sharing. Thats not equal, thats an imbalance. I also don't believe that those who say "you must share" would have been willing to tie their finances in with a partner, unless there was a clear indication that he was financially responsible and trustworthy. To me it would be the same whether living with my partner, or in a flatshare. If we are running a home together then we do that equally.

As it is, he has borrowed from you to start his business, now he wants to borrow from you to get through the month. I don't think you've seen the last of his borrowing from you. What if you didn't have the money, I wonder? Would he have done what many have had to do - gone out there sourced whatever business advice, funding and grants are available, spoken to his bank, sorted overdraft etc? Do you know what his finances look like?

Just looking at this practically really. In your shoes I wouldn't lend him the money, but you do say he is normally good with money and you trust him in which case, you may feel fine to do so really, you are just wondering about a few things. However - you say this business, which he has thrown money at and also had money from you towards it, could just be a "fun" business if he doesn't make any money from it, then thats ok. If its just for fun, why the big financial outlay, + leading to him being too skint to get through the month?

I wouldn't say Im brilliant with money. But missing just 1 paycheck wouldn't leave me having to borrow £500, although it truly would be a month of scrimping. Especially if I were living with a working partner, and our joint outgoings were low anyway.

If you're giving him money again try to get a concrete payment schedule from him. Don't rely on him setting up a standing order or direct debit - after all if the time comes again that he is short, he will be borrowing from you in order to pay back the money he owes you...

Missing one months pay would ruin me. Rent and bills are £1300, student loans £500. I don't have huge sums saved up. I wouldn't say I'm irresponsible with money at all. I just have a lot of outgoings at the moment.

I don't share all of my finances with my DP - I wouldn't ask him to pay my credit card bill or student loans for example but we share the main bills, rent, utilities, food etc. I don't comment on how he spends the rest of his money nor does he on mine. But if he was low on funds to help pay the rent or any bills that affect us both in any way I'd help him. He'd pay me back but I wouldn't think twice about doing it.

It's nice that the OP offered to contribute to his business. Less nice that she doesn't seem to have any faith in it succeeding.

Not everyone has shared finances, it doesn't mean they're doing something wrong

DP and I have separate finances as he has children and his money goes to them. We split bills and rent 50/50 and have pretty equal amounts leftover afterwards. What we choose to do with the remainder is our own business.

kirinm your situation isn't the same as the OPs. You're not asking your DP for money to support your business, or for money to cover bills/living expenses. OP being "less nice" well then - life isn't all about "nice", not everybody would be happy about supporting a finance draining business that is "just for fun" & "if it doesnt make any money back, thats ok". Id feel like that and that would be my prerogative the least of my concerns would be whether anyone thought I was "nice" or not. However its about the OP and her situation so hopefully she's come to a decision by now.

Its not that I don't have any faith in it succeeding I guess its just that its such a lot of money to me that in the very unlikely event that, for whatever reason, Dp isnt able to pay me back it will take me a very long time to rebuild those savings. I am 99% confident that Dp will pay me back, and will make it a priority as he hates owing money to anyone (including banks etc). The 1% is only in case something catastrophic and unforseen happens really.

Fwiw Dp has never asked to borrow money from me before, the only reason he asked me for the £2500 initially was because he needed a big lump sum to pay for an expensive item for the business, he could have saved for it (and would have done) but it would have been a lot quicker for me to lend it to him, so I did.

Also, when I say a 'fun' business, its not what most people would consider fun, I certainly don't but Dp loves it and is very passionate about it. He has already made some small amounts of money doing it but was not able to take it further at the time due to not having the right 'equipment' he would need, and working two part time jobs to make ends meet. There is quite a demand for said business in my area so I'm fully confident he could make money at it but as I said even if he doesn't it he would be paying me back out of his wages anyway.

With our finances we are quite happy to stay together but seperate, if that makes sense, we both pay our share of rent, utilities, food etc but have our person bills like phones, car insurance etc and we both have children from previous relationships but no children together so we pay for our own kids' things. Having both had financial issues with previous partners has made us both more comfortable keeping our money mostly seperate.

Lend him the extra £500. At this stage, you may as well, as you haev lent a lot already and if he incurs bank charges he'll be shorter of money to repay your existing loan.

Draw up an agreement of repayments for the £3,000 loan you have made to him.

£250pcm and it will be repaid within 12 months.
£300pcm and it will be repaid by the end of 2016.

Write it all down, get him to set up a standing order. Then it's all above board and you know where you stand. If he is a good human he will agree to this no quibbles, and your money is all still separate as you prefer.

OP well it all sounds positive from the way you've now worded things. You're 99% confident he will pay you back, he hates owing people money, his business isn't just for fun and it doesn't matter if it makes money or not (which is what it sounded like to be honest, from your previous post) well then to be fair, I can't really see why you have any qualms about lending him further money. You've lent him money before. You trust he will pay it back. Sounds fine.

I think I just said about it being for fun to illustrate the fact that even if it doesn't work as a successful business model Dp will keep all the stuff and use it as his personal hobby, he'll just continue to work for someone else in that case rather than it being essential for our financial stability that the business work out if you see what I mean

kirinm that's why I was asking what OP's OH's other spending was as it was said they had the same income and shared joint outgoing.
Fair enough to be short if due to something like student loan in your case. Less sympathy if it had been on PlayStation games or something...
OP has explained and it sounds like he has a very valid reason; I'd give him the money too.

At uni my OH and I had the same income. After essentials I was able to save a little whereas he spent any leftover money on stupid shit. This continued for ages after we both had jobs until he realised we needed savings for a house and only I had any... Hence why I was asking.