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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Party. Wibu to say something to organiser?

30 replies

coralpig · 03/03/2016 16:16

A friend of mine (let's call her Lisa) offered to take the lead on organising my hen party. She asked me for a list of friends names to be invited and for their contact details. I passed this on but emphasised that not all of them had a lot of spare cash so please could it be something reasonably priced and that a lot of my friends live far away so whilst they were invited could she put as little pressure on them as possible to attend- I really won't be offended. She also asked me for some unavailbility dates for me- I passed these on although it's not a long list. I also mentioned that a few bridesmaids had birthdays at that time of year so if possible not on those dates. Specifically, my fiancé's sister (let's call her Sam).

My fiancé was chatting with Sam on the phone and said to me she was a bit worried as one of the dates for my hen was her birthday or their mums birthday. I was quite shocked as I'd specifically told Lisa to avoid that date as its Sam's birthday and I feel it's selfish of me to ask her to trek 300 miles to spend her birthday on my hen. She's a nurse and doesn't get a lot of time off. Lisa had told the rest of the hens that that was one of the dates I had suggested as a good one. I said the opposite! I wanted to mention this to Sam but fiancé didn't think it was worth doing.

Today, Lisa messaged me and asked me to put that weekend in my diary and the one before as likely dates.

Wibu to say something to Lisa? She doesn't know most of the hens and has done a great job establishing contact and putting something together which I really appreciate. I don't want to interfere. However, I'm worried that her communication with the hens is painting me as a bit of a bridezilla and I don't want tension.

WWYD?

OP posts:
iyamehooru · 03/03/2016 16:20

I'd tell her that was one of the can't dates and has she misunderstood. I'd also list the people you def want there and ask her to work round their availability. Make it lighthearted as wires are crossed.

VenusInFauxFurs · 03/03/2016 16:25

Of course you say something! It's YOUR party. You're the only one who can. Don't let your hen party become on of those that invitees start MN threads about.

MissBattleaxe · 03/03/2016 16:26

Don't be afraid to say anything. Explain that she got the wrong end of the stick and those are the dates you CANNOT do.

VenusInFauxFurs · 03/03/2016 16:26

Given that Lisa's your friend, I imagine she'd want you to be happy about the arrangements.

Be nice about it, obviously. She's doing you a favour.

HanYOLO · 03/03/2016 16:26

I'd say this is why you have to organise it yourself and keep it simple.

Yes, tell her, if necessary take the blame for the crossed wires and say it will have to be w/end before. Check with DH whose birthday it is first though.

Imnotaslimjim · 03/03/2016 16:28

Sounds like she's misheard tbh, so I would say something, reiterating that you can't use that date

LagunaBubbles · 03/03/2016 16:29

I dont understand why you wouldnt say something! I think a lot of problems that could be sorted become bigger problems because of a lack of communication.

carefreeeee · 03/03/2016 16:33

Ask Lisa if it can be the other date but if not don't worry. Just explain to Sam that you couldn't find a date that everyone could do and that she doesn't have to come if she doesn't want to. She may be glad of the excuse!

I do think these things are best organised by someone that knows everyone involved!

SanityClause · 03/03/2016 16:34

Just say, "oh, could you make it x date (ie the one the weekend before) as the following one is Sam's birthday".

Duckdeamon · 03/03/2016 16:36

Your mistake was letting her organise it with v little involvement from you.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 03/03/2016 16:41

I wouldn't day anything. Lisa is making an effort. I can't understand why Samsung birthday is an issue unless she is 7? Shell have another one next year and if birthdays are such a big deal that the day must be about her, she can decline the invite to the hen.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 03/03/2016 16:41

Sams....

MissTurnstiles · 03/03/2016 16:45

Why wouldn't you say anything? Of course you must nicely broach it with Lisa.

Bluebolt · 03/03/2016 16:47

You were too vague to begin with, she asked for dates to be avoided if Sams birthday was not to be used it should of been put in the unavailable days. Just ask her again but be clear about dates, but make sure Sam is going.

Abed · 03/03/2016 16:48

Of course you should say something.

Goingtobeawesome · 03/03/2016 16:53

I'd take over planning. I'd contact her and say the other friend was wrong and you specifically said NOT that date and which date would she prefer.

cuckoooo · 03/03/2016 16:53

This is a nobrainer, and why you need advice for the obvious is beyond me.

OF COURSE YOU SAY SOMETHING - D'UH

EweAreHere · 03/03/2016 16:57
  1. Tell her a mistake has been made, and that was one of the 'no go' dates.
  1. If it can't be changed, well, honestly. Your friend with the birthday is a grown up. Surely she understands that the world doesn't revolve around adult birthdays. It just doesn't, and it's silly to get worked up over them. She can come or she can do something else. Just like everybody else who is invited. Simples.
DawnOfTheDoggers · 03/03/2016 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelei9 · 03/03/2016 17:10

not sure what the issue is

the dates have gone wrong, of course you tell her! Why wouldn't you? Confused

tbh I'd sort it yourself, I realise she's made an honest mistake but it is much easier if you do it.

BirdInTheRoom · 03/03/2016 17:11

Sounds to me like she (Lisa) has got the wrong end of the stick and thinks the dates you gave her were your available ones rather than unavailable?

In any case, if you do not want to have your hen on SIL2B's birthday then you need to say something right now.

BirdInTheRoom · 03/03/2016 17:13

I had a good friend's hen party on my birthday and it was a bit crap to be honest, as it was something I wouldn't have chosen to do on my birthday. I got over it though!

merrymouse · 03/03/2016 17:18

If you don't feel you can communicate with her about a simple thing like a date, won't you feel anxious about the rest of the weekend?

If you are worried about putting her out, organise it yourself.

Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 03/03/2016 17:26

I can't read all the posts as I'm finding the entire post ridiculous.
It's your hen night .... Tell her what dates are acceptable and yes confront her!!!!

Gazelda · 03/03/2016 17:30

Tell her. Honestly, it will be painless like ripping off a plaster and you'll feel relief afterwards.