To be fed up with being disabled with no career?

[ChiefChocolateTester]

I know I should be grateful for what I have, and that there are people out there much more affected by their disabilities than me, but its really getting me down now.

At school, I was always the one voted "most likely to succeed" and got really good grades - mostly due to being pushed heavily by parents and school as I'm naturally quite lazy.

I turned down postgraduate qualifications as I realised I wouldn't be happy with the career path I'd been moulded to accept. I drifted for a good ten years then finally found a career I really wanted to do, re-trained for it, and loved it.

Then I had my daughter and developed fibromyalgia quite badly. I could no longer do the physical aspects of my job, and the "brain fog", from both the fibro and my medication, meant I was making serious mistakes that were putting people in danger. So I left.

I'm currently on ESA and PIP, and living with my husband and daughter. I'm lucky because I get benefits and my husband earns a good wage, so I don't have the money worries of many disabled people.

I am down because so many people I went to school and Uni with have amazing careers, and me, who was "most likely to succeed", doesn't. I don't begrudge them their careers, but find it hard to reconcile what I was expected to achieve in life, with my current situation.

I'm 40 this year, and feel like time is running out to "make something of myself". I would have to be self-employed as my fibro fluctuates so much. I don't know whether to pursue this, or whether to just accept I'm now disabled and put the idea of ever "making something of myself" to bed.

If you've read all this then thanks so much. Sorry for being so self-pitying.

Vertigo - I agree. I feel so much more positive now. And also understood. That's invaluable

Chief there is a support thread in General Health. It seems to have died in the last month though

Alice, I might start another then.

Is it ok to post a copy of my message on the other thread 'Fed up with disability' here? Had no idea which one to post on....

for all of you who have posted here to support each other

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Just wanted to use a bit of my energy to say a huge thank you to OP and everyone who has posted so far, both on this thread and the other. Since becoming unexpectedly ill -and having to leave the job I love- nearly 3 years ago, lurking on Mumsnet has been my lifeline to the outside world. These sort of threads give me the will to carry on, knowing that there are more of us and we CAN keep our heads above water. I am currently between PIP and Ill Health Retirement -depressingly- for CFS/ME & possible POTS.

There is SO much more I want to say, to help me come to terms with it and to share anything that can help others. I do intend to return when I have more energy and when I'm not spending so much time lying flat.

Chief is there a way you could set up a new support thread with links to these two? They already contain some excellent nuggets of advice and I agree with you, it sounds like there any many of us who could benefit. How many are lurking? It's so sad that often we do not even have the energy to post when we really need the support.

Waffling now, brain fog. Hugs to you all and sending some spoons your way to help with your own personal challenges whilst keeping some for me

Thank you for sharing that woodland, I could not find the other thread. It helps to know other people are - sadly - going though the same.

Chief please do start a new thread.

I think one thing that helped change my outlook was reading a blog about a famiily who had decided to give up their demanding careers, take an early retirement and focus on more personal goals. They had more time to study things of interest, DIY projects, keep up with reading and creative pursuits. That is sort of the kind of life I aim to have for myself, although it's interrupted by unpredictable periods of ill health.

Sorry Alice I thought I should have linked it. Does this work?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2583899-Fed-up-with-disability-Cant-work-Feel-so-down-Advice-needed-please?watched=1&msgid=59635448#59635448

Yes it does, thank you.

Just thought, if noone is ready to start a new thread, here's the link to the existing one in the meantime to read backstories etc. x

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/2469596-Chronic-Fatigue-Syndrome-ME-Fibromyalgia-for-support?

Facepalm! Why didn't I think of that too?!!!

Thanks Alice for linking the last support thread for us all. Can I borrow your brain? Or brian, as my fingers now always type.

not really a teacher

Hi OP & PPs, thank you for posting & for all your good advice - I am one of you too & much as I hate it, it's so glad to see you here!
Chocolate, I had to give up a career I loved & gained immense satisfaction from; as my DH works in a good job (I struggle with jealousy sometimes) we're financially comfortable & know how very fortunate we are as a family.
A support thread would be great, if anyone has the energy & clarity to do that - we all have good days as well as bad, to know there are MNers who won't judge is wonderful.
Hugs to you all xx

chief the helping the homeless or at foodbanks sounds like a truly amazing idea. You would be doing something that actively and specifically helped people in need and I think you would find it so rewarding.

I bet if you look around your life you already affect many people positively and help them to develop and grow as people. THAT is real achievement.

Bit of place marking. I was in a very good but stressful career and became ill and disabled six years ago. I set myself lots of small goals and try to tell myself I deserve this enforced early retirement.

Worth also saying that 'success' is not defined solely by high-flying careers. Real success could be dealing daily with with a painful condition like yours. Who's to say you won't look back at your life and see that, yes, you were the one most likely to succeed and you damn well did!

I read once...what did you do today?
Well I survived multiple organ failure!
Puts other stuff into perspective but I have to admit that as time passes I have a sense of unease at lack of purpose. Probably exacerbated by empty nest!

Hi all. Sorry for not coming back to the thread.,I've been really poorly and not up to posting, or really thinking about my health tbh, until today. How is everyone going? Still willing to set up a support thread if anyone is up for it. Might be in a little while though....my brain power is low and exacerbated by having a nightmare family drama at the moment. Grrrr, I am staying well clear of them!

I've decided that my job is to be the best that I can be within the limits that fate has thrown at me. And I might not be able to work, but I can do other stuff and make a difference. My DH Says I make a difference......to his bank balance via online shopping. Sarky git x