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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More am I being over sensitive?

19 replies

auldleekie · 03/03/2016 09:08

I have 2 sons, DS2 was born last week, we decided that he'll be our last baby

One of my very close friends is due her first baby in April and was round seeing DS2.

She said I really thought you were having a girl, I really want a girl but knowing my luck it'll be a boy. All this was said while she was holding DS2! I nearly cried. I've always wanted a girl but I love my boys and I'm so lucky to have them. Yes, I feel wistful that I won't have a girl but wouldn't change what I have for anything.

I just feel that sometimes it's as if boys are inferior! Well, to my friend at least. This makes me feel sad and angry that she may think that about my sons

I appreciate that I'm hormonal after recently giving birth but her comment smarted a little.

OP posts:

GooseberryRoolz · 03/03/2016 09:09

She sounds like an idiot.

Ignore her (and maybe demote her a bit).

Boys are girls are equally wonderful.

Vixxfacee · 03/03/2016 09:09

What did you say back to her?

I would have said I love having 2 little boys and I am very lucky to have had 2 healthy babies.

FigMango1 · 03/03/2016 09:11

I think she is being thoughtless but as she was speaking about herself then Yabu. She prefers girls, that's her opinion. You have boys. It's just the other side of it I guess.

winkywinkola · 03/03/2016 09:14

She said something really stupid.

She probably has no idea how stupid. She will cringe if she remembers and looks back at what she said.

You've got sons. Brilliant. Don't you dare let anyone suggest boys are lesser than daughters. It's bollocks.

wigglebum84 · 03/03/2016 09:17

Don't give it another thought! Congratulations on your baby boy

I've 3 girls and just had a little boy and get comments all the time about how we finally got our boy and all that bollox. We wanted 4 children and I wasn't bothered if they were girls or boys but it's horrible when people just assume we kept trying for a boy.

RubyRoseViolet · 03/03/2016 09:19

No you're not op, she's being insensitive and silly. I don't blame you for feeling upset. Congratulations on your lovely sons

cornishglos · 03/03/2016 09:19

People are so stupid. I've had this too and it's horrible.

positivity123 · 03/03/2016 09:19

Also I think it is lovely that you have created a set of brothers. I know this isn't always the case but often I see that brothers have a very special relationship so congratulations.

Katenka · 03/03/2016 09:24

You are being over sensitive, imo. But I do kind of get it. Especially having only given birth a week ago.

But she is talking about her feelings. She isn't saying anything about your ds or that you should love him less.

Tbh, having spent most of my first pregnancy with threat of miscarriage and being in and out of hospital and then my second was a terrifying birth where it was touch and go, I just can't understand this thinking. I couldn't care less what genitals my kids have.

Original poster

auldleekie · 03/03/2016 09:24

She would be mortified if she knew she'd upset me. I read on here all the time people's thoughtless comments about the sex of babies and whether one is better than the other. I know she didn't mean any harm to me specifically but it WAS thoughtless and I wish she hadn't said it.

(AIBU to secretly wish she has a boy?? )

OP posts:

Katenka · 03/03/2016 09:25

And there are tons of people that would rather have boys than girls. We used to get 'wouldn't it have been nice for dh if your first was a boy?'

I was like 'WTF?'

Mil made no attempt her hide her thoughts that boys were better.

OTheHugeManatee · 03/03/2016 09:26

That's fucking rude. It's a massive no-no to say anything to a new mother that might imply however faintly that their baby is less than perfect even if it looks like Yoda. YANBU.

NeedACleverNN · 03/03/2016 09:30

Everyone always says they want what they don't have.
I.e you have two girls, oh pity it's not a boy.
Two boys, pity it's not a girl.

One of each is brilliant and seen to be perfection!

Just say you are happy with your boys and cut her off if she tries to continue.

Pieface12 · 03/03/2016 09:43

I'm pregnant with my second boy.

We haven't told anyone the sex. I'm constantly getting 'I'm so excited it's a girl this time, I can feel it', 'I bet you're hoping for a girl', 'one of each would be lovely' etc etc. I feel like banging my head against a wall. One of my friends even said 'can you have a girl this time please'. I just respond by saying we're not bothered by what we're having.

I'd love a girl to be honest, and yes I would have loved one of each. But I'm having a boy, and if he's anything like DS1 he'll be amazing.

Comments like this annoy me.

Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 03/03/2016 09:55

Fingers crossed she has a boy .... Who doesn't sleep!!!!

I hate these comments. We had 2DS and DS2 is severely disabled. Accidentally fell pregnant with DC 3 and people saying oh hope it's a girl!! The thought IWBU when I shouted I hope it's healthy and couldn't give a flying fuck if it was a girl or a boy. I don't want another child in so much pain!

It was DD.... Boys are easier ...

Danglyweed · 03/03/2016 10:19

Aww bless you! I think we've all said something that comes across as twatish but not meant it that way. I had a friend who did this to me with dd1 and dd2. I did realllly want a boy... two years I decide I just need to have one more baby.. shortly after I announce Im pregnant with twins, she proclaims that its bound to be girls with my bad luck dt1 was a boy

Kitsandkids · 03/03/2016 10:22

When my husband and I were going through assessments to be able to foster we were asked if we would like boys or girls. I was shocked that some foster carers actually specified this! Of course we said we didn't mind, and once we were approved we were given 2 little boys. They are noisy, energetic, loud, curious and a lot of hard work, but I wouldn't swap them for the world :-)

I can remember when a FB friend was pregnant with her third after 2 boys. On the day she went for the scan to find out what she was having there were loads of comments along the lines of 'think pink!' 'I hope it's a girl for you this time hun!' When she announced she was having a third boy some people actually said 'Aww, never mind ' How rude!

Original poster

auldleekie · 03/03/2016 10:31

One good thing about having these types of comments made to me is that I know never to say anything like that to anyone else because they are rude and can be hurtful.

OP posts:

Junosmum · 03/03/2016 11:31

People just don't think. I also have a beautiful baby son. My friend has a lovely baby girl, about 4months older than DS. She came to see him at the weekend and said "are you disappointed you didn't get a girl, I don't know what I'd have done with a boy". I'm actually really pleased with my son- he's a healthy, happy, beautiful baby and his sex is immaterial to me. I'm looking forward to rough and tumble, teaching him to rock climbing, taking him horse riding and going shopping with him- exactly the same things I'd look forward to doing with a little girl.

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