to think my friend is copying me and to find it very weird

[smallspikyleaves]

she has done it once before as well, I run my own business which I have done for years now and, randomly, about a year ago, she started EXACTLY the same business, after first asking me all about my work, how I get my clients, etc

I found it odd but obvs it is a free country so of course I would never have said anything....she gave it up after a few months, not sure why

I have now decided to do some volunteer work. I won't say what it is as it is quite niche and identifying, and certainly not something for everyone (what I will say it is working in quite difficult situations with vulnerable individuals - its not something like working a few hours in a charity shop or similar)

a couple of days after I told her, she has asked me if they need anyone else and has asked me for their number ...

and for the sake of full disclosure something else weird happened, a few years ago I introduced her to a friend of mine (they had never met before) within weeks they were "best friends" and joined at the hip and now they are closer with eachother than either of them was with me iyswim...I was a bit hurt at first but, again, its a free country

I just find it a bit strange - I sort of feel like she maybe wants to compete with me in some way...?

maybe I am being U am not sure, putting it to the mn jury just out of interest! as sure as hell cant say anything to her!

I had a friend like this, she'd take up the same hobbies and then try and compete with me, and she'd ask for my cast off clothes. Getting away from her was a very small part of my decision to move house. She's still my friend but she's moved on to copying someone else now!

Honestly I'm not sure if class wanting to volunteer at the same place as copying - you prob described it, made it sound great and she decided she'd be interested. I don't think that sounds weird at all. The business is obviously a lot harder since I guess she is a competitor. But if you're both sahms and it's something like childminding and not something really niche then again, the 'copying' isn't necessarily weird - maybe she just felt like she needed a way to earn some cash while also having time with her kids and she recognised you had a good idea. Anyway, as often on this board, sounds like you can't stand her so do yourself and her a favour and stop hanging out with her!

I do like her and she has lots of redeeming features, honestly!

just found it a bit odd the times she has copied me and this latest thing just made me want to ask for opinions

I wonder if its a lack of confidence on her part

thanks for all the replies x

I find it strange on these threads when people say things like "copying your new top etc doesn't sound weird at all." No, it doesn't but that's not what op has said.

Copying the odd item of clothing is one thing, the three things op has described are very different to that and in my experience it's a sort of weird competition thing and it's quite uncomfortable after a while.

thats what I mean ruby feel like she sort of wants to compete

god knows why, I am very average and boring

With my copying friend her XP noticed it as well, and the move on to a new friend to copy, so it wasn't just me thinking it was weird!

Sil does this with our DC.

It's almost like she wants to prove hers can do better. DD started swimming lessons, a few weeks later hers starts at the same session.

I mentioned ds needed new trainers, the next day she was at mils going on about how expensive her DSs new shoes were

Single white female 😳😳😳😳

Definitely some distance and share very little information!

Or tell her you're moving to Oz? 😂

I had a similar situation. It was a friend from uni, who I got back in touch with when she split up with her DP. I took her under my wing somewhat, invited her out with friends of mine because she said she was lonely, tried to help her through it. Eventually I realised it had got a bit weird; she started seeing my NDN (luckily that didn't last long) so she was always popping in for cups of tea and couldn't be got rid of easily. She invited herself running with me whenever I went and turned out to be better at it than me even though I have done it for years grrrr she also suddenly, over the space of 3 months or so, became bestest friends with a close friend of mine and they would have special lunches and days out to which I wasn't invited (even when I dropped massive hints like "oh, you're going to X? I love it there!" and once I asked outright if I could come and the trip got cancelled) the other friend later confided in me that she felt a bit smothered but that uni friend seemed so keen to spend time just the two of them that she couldn't get out of it. I felt very hurt and pushed out at the time though. Everything with her seemed to become a competition. I basically think it was all down to pathologically low self esteem and generally emotional immaturity. Anyway uni friend and I are no longer really friends, for many reasons.

In your case if the friend has redeeming qualities and you can put up with it or see it as a compliment, then it should be ok, but I agree that it is weird and unsettling when you realise what is going on. Could you talk to her about it?

Wow sorry for the rant! That was longer than I realised.

oh spuriouser that's horrible! :(

she sounds a bit of a nightmare

actually thinking about it, my friends would do stuff like your friends did, meet up without me (without asking me) and plaster it on facebook like they are 14 and when I asked to meet they would often have excuses

I also started to notice that our meet ups only tended to go ahead with all 3 of us when copying friend arranged them sort of like she wants to be queen bee...ie if me or the other friend arranged them, copying friend would drop out at the last minute, usually for weird reasons that didn't ring true

it used to really bother me as had known them both (separately) before introducing them, for about 20 years. i would often feel upset and wonder what i had done wrong but luckily have got over it and concentrate now on the friends that do treat me well. honestly don't get why grown ass woman behave like this

but as i said she honestly does have redeeming features and, while I have distanced myself to a large degree, when I do see the pair of them we have a really good time and get on well ...go figure

I have a friend like this. We are both adults but sometimes I feel like we're about 14! I got a fringe cut in, she got a fringe cut in.

I bought a dress for an event we were both going to and I sent her a link to see what she thought. She immediately ordered it for herself, then asked if she could wear it to the event too

Twice now I have bought new glasses and a few weeks later she has posted a selfie on Facebook with her wearing the exact same frames.

There has also been several years of one-upmanship with regards to engagement/hen do/wedding/pregnancy announcements and it gets a bit draining!

smallspiky glad you aren't upset by it anymore, it is tough though when you first notice it happening. I don't understand why grown women behave like this either, it is a bit ridiculous. Judging by this thread it is fairly common though! I do think that happy, self-assured adults wouldn't behave like that, which may be the root of the problem.

I notice this with my SIL sometimes. We go round, and she has decorated very similar to ours. It's a bit odd, but I notice, shrug and get over it. It doesn't really bother me.

It sounds pretty extreme in your case op. I would distance myself a bit.